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Considering Residential Treatment


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I didn't want it to come to this. But maybe I have to. I'm thinking of going to the McLean Institute in Boston. What do you all think? My issue right now is intrusive sexual thoughts and contamination (and I put that together because they are kind of one thing). It's pretty bad, I guess - it keeps me from living my life and doing things I want to do. I guess I could just go to a normal, qualified therapist, or push myself to contaminate things on my own.

Anyway. This isn't really something that I WANT to do. But if it could help me, why not? Plus, I have just one more year on my parents' insurance, so. Anyone have any experience with McLean? If so, feel free to post here or PM me about it...

I guess this isn't some magical thing...but I do have trouble doing exposures on my own, a lot, and I think it's possible that if I'm in an environment that is 100 % focused on doing targeted exposures, that I would do them. It's either this, go back to therapy, or try to push myself to do exposures, I guess. I have to do something. I am going away for about a month, but after that, I need to really challenge my OCD - I want to take my life back. The cost in anxiety and effort shouldn't matter...it's worth it.

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I have a feeling Ryukil that this is just another thing you could obsess over.  I think your problem isn't so much what you do but the fact that you never commit to anything because you start obsessing over whether it is 100% correct.

You need to pick something and then commit to it - without needing to be certain it is the correct thing.  Whether that is therapy or self-help or residential treatment.  You need to pick one and commit to it and shut off your perfectionist to-ing and fro-ing.  You need to commit to it and do it, now, rather than at some indefinable point in the future. 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
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I think inpatient treatment is invaluable for those of us who are extremely debilitated by the disorder but on the other hand I think that we have to leave those facilities and go straight back into our normal lives which is where the real challenges are, I think u should deffo give outpatient treatment another go. I agree with GBG though, don’t let this become another obsession, just make a commitment to try therapy again, ur previous therapist really seemed to know his stuff and however uncomfortable you were with his suggestions was more to do with u resisting doing what u have to do to get better, good therapists can by hard to find so ur lucky u found him! Give it another shot and see how it goes! Good luck x

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My thing is more worrying that I think x,y, or z will be a magical solution. Like, I push off doing exposures on my own until I go back to therapy or until I go to residential treatment. Ya know? 

I don't know. I might do it. I want to get over this problem. I already sent them an e-mail for more info, but yeah. I'll think carefully about it before I just impulsively do it.

I'm not sure if I want to go back to that therapist, honestly.

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Yes and that’s all OCd so u ignore all of that and do what everyone who has OCD needs to do, get to therapy and do the work! I know ur saying u don’t want to go back to that therapist and of course that is up to u, but, what if the next therapist is as equally good, they’re going to tell u to do the same thing as what the original therapist did, will u leave them too?x

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9 hours ago, Ryukil said:

What do you all think?

Is there any point at all any of us commenting? 

I am not trying to be callous, but we've been here before Ryukil, you ignore every post and practical suggestion and come up with 1000 excuses to not do XYZ for therapy in whatever form that therapy may be, self-help to professional. 

But for what it's worth, I don't think you need the expense of inpatient treatment, you just need to find a good therapist and somehow find a way to forge a therapeutic and trusting relationship and you then need to commit to it.

Equally, you don't need to wait until XYZ to start therapy, we are all capable of starting some kind of limited therapy work on our own today, right now.  So many exercises you can start today, which whilst not leading to recovery anytime soon will benefit your therapeutic journey tomorrow. 

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Yeah. Well, I don't think I would go back and forth about this one (I mean, I might regret it after having decided to, but once I decide I'm going there I think I just have to do it - this is a much bigger deal than an appointment with a therapist). The worst that could happen is I go for two months and get nothing out of it. But I think being in that environment I would be pretty motivated.

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Honestly Ryukil I don't think you're asking for advice you just want somebody to back up the decision you've already made.  Personally I think you should have stuck with therapy.  You were adamant that if you dropped out of therapy you would take the self-help really seriously, but you aren't doing that, and now you're looking for the next fix.  There isn't a fix, the only 'fix' is just you committing to doing the work, no matter how difficult it may seem.

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Just now, gingerbreadgirl said:

Honestly Ryukil I don't think you're asking for advice you just want somebody to back up the decision you've already made. 

This is right, it's a form of reassurance seeking in many ways Ryukil, and because that was not forthcoming on the forum we've seen repeated threads about which therapy approach you should take.

Like any form of reassurance seeking rather than offer clarity, the doubts create more uncertainty and of course that's what keeps OCD thriving. 

 

2 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

There isn't a fix, the only 'fix' is just you committing to doing the work, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Exactly, right now I don't think it really matters what you choose to do Ryukil, you just need to choose an approach (ideally involving a professional with some OCD insight) and go with it and do the work. It wont be easy, it will be hard, very hard, but then I guess for you right now this is hard too, the difference is that this is not getting you anywhere.

 

 

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I agree with gingerbreadgirl. Do, or don't do. Anything in between is a waste of your time. We all understand where you are at right now. I wasted years of my life telling myself I'd "fix things" at some point by xyz method or person would make it all better. That line of thinking doesn't work. You know what to do: cease compulsions. Stop performing them. It's not that easy, and most people, including myself, need help. You think someone or a book or a treatment will give you a way to get around it. There is no way around it. You don't seem willing to put in the work. And thus, it will the stay the way it is until you say, " ENOUGH IS ENOUGH". And do the work yourself.

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1 hour ago, ohwhyhello said:

You don't seem willing to put in the work

To be fair, I don't think it's not willing, like for most of us at one time or another it's more a case of fear preventing that work. 

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The problem here is that what therapy to take is actually the obsession, with the compulsions the agonising ruminating researching etc. 

Stopping the compulsions and working through CBT is the way to stop. 

You can do that with self-help if you buy into what the book or workbook tells you, without questioning it, or asking the forum - compulsions. 

When we stand up and refuse to listen to the OCD, and challenge the OCD core belief underpinning the unwanted intrusions, then we can get better. 

 

Edited by taurean
Corrections
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Ryukil - daily outpatient treatment may help (worked a treat for severe my severe Harm focused OCD) so you have the high concentrations of treatment and a chance to practice things when you go home. If this is possible, I recommend it. But Germany first. Deliberation on what to do should be put firmly on the back burner until your holiday is over. All intrusions about this decision should be forcibly focused away from. Your OCD demands the decision to be made now which is more reason to deliberately not make the decision until after Germany. 

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15 minutes ago, Orwell1984 said:

Your OCD demands the decision to be made now which is more reason to deliberately not make the decision until after Germany. 

 

Good point.  A decision does need to be made, but there is no benefit in making it now. Enjoy your holiday and then worry about that decision when you need to make it, which isn't now!

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Yeah, that is probably a good idea. I contacted them and they say there is usually a wait time (2-3 months), so I just want to make sure I get things done in time. And, by in time, I mean before I lose health insurance coverage on March 29, 2019.

Anyway, in this case, this post wasn't really obsessive. It was just me honestly asking, one OCD sufferer to another, if I should seriously consider something like this. I'm sure it could easily BECOME obsessive, but it hasn't really so far. 

I mean, if I told you guys I would go there and do the work, and I went there and did the work, there's nothing to lose, right? But I guess the question would be "why not just do the work with a local specialist?" Well, my history has definitely shown I have trouble following the advice of therapists. I think if I'm  in an environment with other OCD sufferers doing exposures, surrounded by experts who are pressuring me to do exposures...it's such a big step, to go to a residential treatment place, that I think I would take advantage of it. Especially since this would be my last opportunity before I lose insurance (I mean, I know I can get it again, but yeah).

I don't really *want* to. But I want to get better, and most of the people I've seen online say residential treatment was a major turning point in their battles with OCD.

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Mmhhh. Whilst I personally don't like what you told us about the Penzel approach, that methodology wouldn't suit me, I have just got the feeling that, for you, with your OCD conducting the 'doubt ' orchestra, there is a danger that no therapy will tick the right boxes - the OCD will challenge it, that will kick-start compulsions, and there we are again. 

Perhaps you might ignore the shouts of the OCD and get the best out of whatever you choose - and stick at it. 

For me, that would be you saying boo to your OCD goose. 

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So, there is a legitimate reason to make a decision pretty soon, and that's that it will probably take 2-3 months to get in...there's a waiting list. I haven't confirmed anything but I think that's the average.

Yeah, I like what gingerbread pointed out...I'm kind of just running from one thing to the next, maybe looking for the magic cure. I'm not sure why I should do residential...I could just do normal outpatient therapy. However, as you all saw, that didn't work out either. So maybe I actually am a good candidate for residential. It's just a month or two of my life...might be a decent investment.

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Whatever treatment we have Ryukil we need to be able to believe in it and practice what we are told to do. I terminated my first therapy when the therapist (an eminent psychiatrist/clinical psychologist  from a well-known clinic) wanted me to engage in "flooding" - swamping myself with violent theme stuff for two weeks. 

i was totally with you in not agreeing with the exposure you were told to do by your  therapist. What I was subsequently told to do, as I advised to you on your other thread, worked for  me. 

But the problem with OCD is that we have to individually find out what works for us. 

Edited by taurean
typo
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Thanks. Yeah. Flooding sucks...but I just want to make sure I'm not "copping out" by being hesitant to do the things he says. I still don't know if it's totally necessary to take it so far. Maybe I really should just try to push myself for a couple months, in my own way, then re-evaluate where I'm at. Just gotta make sure I'm doing things in that time so I don't feel like I've wasted it.

Anyway, I should probably stop posting here anyway. Because it just becomes totally obsessive. But I just wanted the honest opinion of other OCD sufferers about such a big decision when it comes to OCD treatment. I'm sure most of you would not want to just impulsively decide to go to a hospital for one, two, or three months.

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On 5/7/2018 at 17:09, Orwell1984 said:

Ryukil - daily outpatient treatment may help (worked a treat for severe my severe Harm focused OCD) so you have the high concentrations of treatment and a chance to practice things when you go home. If this is possible, I recommend it. But Germany first. Deliberation on what to do should be put firmly on the back burner until your holiday is over. All intrusions about this decision should be forcibly focused away from. Your OCD demands the decision to be made now which is more reason to deliberately not make the decision until after Germany. 

Just wanted to say, yes, this is true. My OCD demands a decision be made now...I feel anxious if I'm not trying to figure it out or don't have certainty about which path I'm going to take. 

Anyway, this whole thing got wayyyy out of hand. Obsessing about what is exactly the proper treatment is stupid. I should just do something, as you're all suggesting.

But yeah, if I wait until after Germany I probably won't be able to get into the hospital until September or October (because I get back at the end of June). I guess if I apply now, I could get in in July or August. Don't know. But I feel like I need some more time to really consider it because I don't want to make an impulsive decision.

Where's the balance? How does a person with OCD who obsesses about decisions give something proper consideration without it becoming obsessive? I was going to say proper and objective consideration, but it's near impossible to be objective about something when it's an obsession. -__-

You would all agree I should consider my options here, but...how do I do that without it spiraling out of control and taking up months of my time? What about...I'll make a decision by x date and stick with it no matter what?

Edited by Ryukil
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Personally, I think you may need more intensive therapy than outpatient therapy, as even though you've had it in the past you simply couldn't engage with it because your OCD was constantly analysing and ruminating over it. If you decide to do inpatient therapy then it will be successful if you stick with it and commit to it.

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1 hour ago, Lynz said:

Personally, I think you may need more intensive therapy than outpatient therapy, as even though you've had it in the past you simply couldn't engage with it because your OCD was constantly analysing and ruminating over it. If you decide to do inpatient therapy then it will be successful if you stick with it and commit to it.

I agree

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Really? :/

I mean, did you follow my older posts while I was still in therapy, Lynz?

I don't really want to go to residential treatment. Well, I mean, I have mixed feelings about it. But I guess I should just chill. No need to decide anything right now. First I just need to find out how things work with my insurance.

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21 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

Really? :/

I mean, did you follow my older posts while I was still in therapy, Lynz?

I don't really want to go to residential treatment. Well, I mean, I have mixed feelings about it. But I guess I should just chill. No need to decide anything right now. First I just need to find out how things work with my insurance.

Yes I did follow them.

To be honest Ryukil your reply felt like you were just dismissing my advice because you didn't like what I said. If that is the case, then like Ashley said what is the point of any of us commenting?

You started the thread saying that you're seriously considering inpatient therapy because outpatient therapy didn't work for you, then when someone agrees with you and says "yes I do think you might need inpatient therapy" you respond with incredulity and dismiss the advice. Is this yet more evidence that you spend too much of your time ruminating on what therapy you think you should have?

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