Different approach to son - not worked

[paulfoel]

OK, so after last weeks violent incident thought we'd try something else.Son was banned from his PC and mobile but it didn't seem to do any good - he was even sneaking back on.

Apart from that hes been pretty good the last week, and is finally making an effort with some of the charts the counsellor has asked him to fill out. Not brilliant but its a start. So we decided to try a difference approach.

We sat him down and made sure he understood. We praised him that things had improved and he was trying and also for his behaviour. We said there are stil things to improve on  but we were willing to give him a chance.

We said, he can have his phone back, and have 3 hours a day on his PC.

BUT, and we wrote this down there were some basic rules which he agreed were fair. We said if rules were broken then PC/mobile would be removed for at time again. He moaned a bit about the 3 hour limit but agreed he understood and it was fair.

These included:-

- Mobile stays downstairs at night to resist the temptation of playing games after hes supposed to be in bed.

- He continues with the forms and also reads the books we've bought him.

- No attempting to "forget" how long hes been on PC and exceeding the time

- No sneakily attempting to use mobile/PC after hes gone to bed in the middle of night.

 

Guess what - less than 24 hours later wife goes upstaris at midnight. Hes in bed playing games on his phone. I just don;t understand how he thinks hes going to get away with it.

Please someone tell me if the approach is right or wrong?

[snowbear]

I'm not a parent, Paul, but the rules you set (and that he agreed to) seem fair to me. The thing is now to enforce them. 

What did you do in response to him playing games on his phone in bed? 

I think it's important to distinguish between OCD-induced behaviour and defiant/teenage behaviour. This episode of breaking the rules clearly isn't OCD-driven so needs the parenting approach you use for any behavioural problems. 

[Wonderer]

Paul, my eldest is also glued to his phone and was using it until all hours of the morning, we decided to take it away on school nights, I took it and hid it in my bedside drawer so he couldn’t get it, literally hide it somewhere so he can’t get it, it’s pretty typical teenage behaviour and shouldn’t be treated as any anxiety/OCD problem. Hiding it away pretty much did the trick for us, even though my son grumped about it lol.