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Hi all. This is related to my last post, which if you haven't read then I encourage you to because it will give you an insight into what's happening now. Basically I'm going on a trip to America where I'll be meeting a close friend of mine, and I've started having intrusive thoughts about her in regards of her appearance. The thought popped into my head earlier that others would think she doesn't deserve me because I'm handsome and she's not attractive (which is unusual because I have body dysmorphic disorder). This thought made me feel like the worst person alive and caused me severe anxiety, and I feel like I don't deserve her company. I actually think she's very pretty but every time I remind myself of that this doubt pops into my head and I call her ugly or not attractive. I honestly feel like I've committed murder, I feel horrible and its ruined my entire trip. I don't know what to do. Please help. 

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I should also add that I don't care about appearances. I hate my own and I don't judge others. As I said I think she's very beautiful. Its the doubt that's killing me, and I'm not sure if its OCD or just me thinking these thoughts. Can OCD make you call people names without actually meaning it? 

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People get thoughts all the time. 

The question is for how long and how hard you really need to beat yourself up because of this. You are mentioning the doubt you are feeling so i think you have some insight into what is happening here. Do you know what to do if someone have OCD?

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  • Ashley changed the title to Struggling

Incessantblues,

I have very similar thoughts about my own girlfriend. I used to hate myself for even considering the fact that she wasn't beautiful. These thoughts made me hate myself. But you shouldn't and here's why;

In my previous experience , I only get these sorts of feelings for people that I really care about and would hate too upset. The fact that you're even having these thoughts show just how much you care for this person, they're intrusive thoughts that everyone has, it's just that our ability to dislodge these thoughts isn't as effective as most people's. 

 

You have to remind yourself that it is just the OCD making you worry about these thoughts, I can tell from your post you don't believe she's ugly. You've done nothing wrong by having an intuitive thought. NOTHING.

 

the fact your upset about having these thoughts shows that you must be a nice person.

I know it's easy for people to say, but keep reminding yourself that these thoughts don't make you a bad person. At all.

 

I hope you learn to cope with these feelings, I assure you that in this sense you will get better.

 

Oli

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Thank you Oli for your reply, that really helped and I feel less alone at least, although I'm very sorry you have to deal with this as well. There seems to be a logic to my thinking however, which makes me feel as if its me thinking these thoughts. For example I'll look at certain pictures of her and my mind will come to the conclusion that I don't find her attractive. This is unusual because before this obsession began I actually never had thoughts like these, I found her very beautiful and still at times do when the thoughts are less powerful. Its this uncertainty that's killing me, and I feel absolutely awful because of it. I'm having the thought that I'm superior in looks, and that others think so too, its so unlike me to think this and deep down I don't even think so. Can OCD convince you someone is ugly even when part of you knows you don't think so? 

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If you look for faults in anyone you will find them! you only look at her to assess whether she is beautiful when you're OCD is bad, when you're OCD/anxiety is bad you will have these intrusive thoughts. When you're in a clearer state of mind, you see her for what she really is, and what you really think she is, beautiful.

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