What have you done today to challenge your OCD?

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, PaulM said:

Progress I suppose. Small. And in some ways disappointing since I'd come so far. But progress never the less from where I was 3 years ago. 7 years of dreading this task. What a mess I must sound like.

I don't think it's small at all. I think that's a huge step forward.   Well done you!  

The next step is seeing if you can manage to re-use the closet without washing it. This is a toughie, I know, but it helps if you keep in mind the 'contamination' you want to contain is a feeling, not a physical reality. 

'Contamination' is the way our human brains express 'something is making me feel uncomfortable, I don't know what to label this emotion or how to make it better.'

Try to get your head around the knowledge that feelings can't be washed away with water, disinfectant, or any other kind of cleaning. Washing the closet is just a displacement activity designed to fool your brain into believing you've dealt with the discomfort. A way of managing your feelings. 

Well, it's certainly one way to manage your feelings! But it's not the only way. Start to explore all the other possible ways of managing your feelings that don't involve OCD rituals. As you become more skilled in the alternatives the 'need' to wash things that once felt contaminated reduces.  

[Guest PaulM]

18 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

You should be massively, massively proud for achieving this, Paul.  Don't let OCD minimise your achievement! This is an incredible thing you've taken on.  You took on something that's frightened you for a long time and you pushed through despite your fears and OCD's taunts.  Don't do yourself down - give yourself a huge huge pat on the back and feel really proud of yourself, you deserve to!!

Thanks gingerbreadgirl. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. It's hard to stay afloat with OCD dragging me down. But yeah, I'm trying to feel decent about it. I can see the patterns, the cognitive distortions at work, the whole OCD thoughts trying to turn it into a massive catastrophe.

It felt strange. It was also a bit heartbreaking - lots of memories in those boxes too. I have stuff there my daughter gave me. I found some old photography film too - I'll have to take that in to be developed. I have no idea what's on it. It would be lovely if it's more pictures of my daughter from her baby years.

[Guest PaulM]

16 minutes ago, snowbear said:

I don't think it's small at all. I think that's a huge step forward.   Well done you!  

The next step is seeing if you can manage to re-use the closet without washing it. This is a toughie, I know, but it helps if you keep in mind the 'contamination' you want to contain is a feeling, not a physical reality. 

'Contamination' is the way our human brains express 'something is making me feel uncomfortable, I don't know what to label this emotion or how to make it better.'

Try to get your head around the knowledge that feelings can't be washed away with water, disinfectant, or any other kind of cleaning. Washing the closet is just a displacement activity designed to fool your brain into believing you've dealt with the discomfort. A way of managing your feelings. 

Well, it's certainly one way to manage your feelings! But it's not the only way. Start to explore all the other possible ways of managing your feelings that don't involve OCD rituals. As you become more skilled in the alternatives the 'need' to wash things that once felt contaminated reduces.  

Thanks snowbear. Yeah, I'm trying to keep things in perspective. This contamination thing is monumental. I think if I can manage a once over with some cleaner - not gut the closet and replace the innards (the thought has crossed my mind), that would be a form of graduated exposure or acceptance.

At one point I wanted to walk away from my place. Let the bank have it. And not touch anything. Irrational, yeah. It's funny how it seemed like the only solution at the time. The feelings are real, even if the trigger isn't.

I really hate OCD. It's robbed me of so much time and enjoyment.

[gingerbreadgirl]

12 minutes ago, PaulM said:

I really hate OCD. It's robbed me of so much time and enjoyment.

It is a horrid horrid illness but you can get past it, with steps small and big (like the one you've just done!) - and once you get to the top the view will be so much better than if you'd been there all along.  You can do this xx

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, PaulM said:

The feelings are real, even if the trigger isn't.

Ain't that the truth! Something we all need to keep in mind when giving advice to others, especially when their fears differ from our own.  

Some day you'll be sitting in your place with a letter in your hand from the bank saying the mortgage is paid off and it's all yours. And you'll look around and think 'Yeah, it is all mine.' And you won't be referring to the money.  

[ashipinharbor]

Paid no heed to an intrusive thought, since I know it's just a thought.

Edited May 28, 2018 by ashipinharbor

[Andrewc]

16 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Totally agree.

Hi gingerbreadgirl.

 

R u ok?

Right now I'm attempting to get to second bus ride without touching my nose whatsoever. And I'm not going to have water until after a coffee at hospital( on way 2 psychiatrist check up). Happens every 3/4 months for me. U got this ?

[Andrewc]

And how will u challenge yourself to beat this destructive demon in our heads?

[gingerbreadgirl]

19 minutes ago, Andrewc said:

Right now I'm attempting to get to second bus ride without touching my nose whatsoever. And I'm not going to have water until after a coffee at hospital( on way 2 psychiatrist check up).

This is great, well done you

So many people doing great things to challenge this.  So good to see

[Andrewc]

12 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

This is great, well done you

So many people doing great things to challenge this.  So good to see

Yeh absolutely. What are u doing for this 2day? How do u feel?

I made it to 2nd bus ride, had a blow now stop until at least get off.

And no water yet. I'll prob enjoy coffee more as well as it will quench my thirst if that's really wot I'm feeling. But if I'm not sure I just try to evade the thought or let it flow down the leafy, dredged up river...

And 1 more +'ve run 85km so far this may. Gonna try make 100 b4 June. Resilience of it helps hugely.

[gingerbreadgirl]

2 minutes ago, Andrewc said:

Yeh absolutely. What are u doing for this 2day? How do u feel?

Not doing that great today to be honest, I have a day off from work so being at home alone doesn't generally help.  Going to the gym in a bit.  Going to try and do some exposure.  Feel a bit defeated though, less sure than ever that this is a problem with OCD (rather than a real problem, or a partially real problem).  Going to do my best not to ruminate on this though.  Thanks for asking

[Andrewc]

2 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Not doing that great today to be honest, I have a day off from work so being at home alone doesn't generally help.  Going to the gym in a bit.  Going to try and do some exposure.  Feel a bit defeated though, less sure than ever that this is a problem with OCD (rather than a real problem, or a partially real problem).  Going to do my best not to ruminate on this though.  Thanks for asking

No problem. I usually always feel better post exercise. Hopefully u will too. And just to say I think every1s quite gloomy today with 1st day back at work and sun resting from all it's work yesterday.

And get this I've never seen so many miserable faces on this bus! At least u are going out to help yourself. Sounds great rather than being couped up like a lot of ppl in our position do  . Tackling the demon!! In a +'ve way. Nice1

[Andrewc]

5 hours ago, Andrewc said:

No problem. I usually always feel better post exercise. Hopefully u will too. And just to say I think every1s quite gloomy today with 1st day back at work and sun resting from all it's work yesterday.

And get this I've never seen so many miserable faces on this bus! At least u are going out to help yourself. Sounds great rather than being couped up like a lot of ppl in our position do  . Tackling the demon!! In a +'ve way. Nice1

 

6 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Not doing that great today to be honest, I have a day off from work so being at home alone doesn't generally help.  Going to the gym in a bit.  Going to try and do some exposure.  Feel a bit defeated though, less sure than ever that this is a problem with OCD (rather than a real problem, or a partially real problem).  Going to do my best not to ruminate on this though.  Thanks for asking

Hey how was the gym? manage to let those ruminations fade away? Im back from the hospital. Weather in UK is horrific, heavy thunder and an onslaught of rain. Are u uk too?

[taurean]

Just carried out a really unpleasant task that I have been putting off. 

We knew when we had the survey that we needed to have the build-up of moss on the roof cleansed - but with my wife being so ill it was on the back burner. 

Well the torrential rain cleared a lot of it, but only into the gutter and into the drain openings. 

Result - gutters blocked and three out of four drain grills blocked. 

Two hours or work, and horrible smells, plus a trip to the tip later - and an extremely horrible job has been done

 

[gingerbreadgirl]

1 minute ago, Andrewc said:

 

Hey how was the gym? manage to let those ruminations fade away? Im back from the hospital. Weather in UK is horrific, heavy thunder and an onslaught of rain. Are u uk too?

hey andrew,

I must admit I didn't make it to the gym, had a huge spike as I was going out the door and then I did all the wrong things including a whole bunch of compulsions, decamped to the sofa and played computer games instead.  I annoy myself sometimes!    

The weather actually isn't too bad yet where I am (north of england) but I think it's coming later!

How did your morning at the hospital go? x

[Andrewc]

hehe, computer games sounds quite fun though especially in dreary weather.

Yes hospital went well thanks. Psychiatrist always very good however I am getting transferred as am now outside borough. But its all good I think. I should be taken care of. I just hate the word 'discharge' or having to be out the system for a while. Kinda a bit scary.

Anyway was just going to start a new forum with this new android app I downloaded a while back which I thought everyone would find of use. It's called 'Meditation game'. You heard of it? you can t lose and all you got to do is tip the screen, very relaxing.

try not to get annoyed at yourself. its better to love yourself than anything else. trust me on this 1. got experience. just say 'yeh so wot not today, ill keep focussed on some games, then maybe tomorrow.' don't give yourself a hard time. 

I want to visit the north more, London can get a bit saggy, and annoying. 

you got plans for the evening? I might run soon, even in the rain, find it very refreshing, and it heightens my mood 20 fold

Andrew

32 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

hey andrew,

I must admit I didn't make it to the gym, had a huge spike as I was going out the door and then I did all the wrong things including a whole bunch of compulsions, decamped to the sofa and played computer games instead.  I annoy myself sometimes!    

The weather actually isn't too bad yet where I am (north of england) but I think it's coming later!

How did your morning at the hospital go? x

 

[gingerbreadgirl]

glad the appointment went well I understand it feels scary but like you say you will be taken care of, just in a new place.

No plans for the evening, just a few chores and maybe a bit more Tomb Raider haha

did you go for your run? Hope you enjoyed if so

[Guest PaulM]

19 hours ago, ashipinharbor said:

Paid no heed to an intrusive thought, since I know it's just a thought.

Nice work. Your post reminded me to do the same.

[Guest PaulM]

2 hours ago, taurean said:

Just carried out a really unpleasant task that I have been putting off. 

We knew when we had the survey that we needed to have the build-up of moss on the roof cleansed - but with my wife being so ill it was on the back burner. 

Well the torrential rain cleared a lot of it, but only into the gutter and into the drain openings. 

Result - gutters blocked and three out of four drain grills blocked. 

Two hours or work, and horrible smells, plus a trip to the tip later - and an extremely horrible job has been done

 

So, I took on a job I'd been putting off too, but I don't feel that sense of accomplishment.

It's weird - I feel pretty neutral on it. I guess that's better than having a panic attack. Which leaves me to wonder if one is due. Or I'm having OCD about OCD and wondering how things can be relatively smooth after putting off this job for 7 years...

I really wish I could feel excited.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Just now, PaulM said:

So, I took on a job I'd been putting off too, but I don't feel that sense of accomplishment.

It's weird - I feel pretty neutral on it. I guess that's better than having a panic attack. Which leaves me to wonder if one is due. Or I'm having OCD about OCD and wondering how things can be relatively smooth after putting off this job for 7 years...

I really wish I could feel excited.

I think it's understandable you feel this way - your feelings are being clouded by anxiety, not just OCD anxiety but anxiety about "why I don't feel happy" and "is a panic attack due".

I think don't try and put pressure on yourself to feel happy or satisfied or anything else.  Just breathe and take it as it comes. x

[Guest PaulM]

9 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Not doing that great today to be honest, I have a day off from work so being at home alone doesn't generally help.  Going to the gym in a bit.  Going to try and do some exposure.  Feel a bit defeated though, less sure than ever that this is a problem with OCD (rather than a real problem, or a partially real problem).  Going to do my best not to ruminate on this though.  Thanks for asking

I have similar problems having too much time on my own. I am alone and live by myself. So I have to push myself to do things where there are other humans. Even if it's the gym or going for a coffee/tea. I might not talk to a soul, but it's strangely comforting to feel like I'm part of something bigger.

[Guest PaulM]

4 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I think it's understandable you feel this way - your feelings are being clouded by anxiety, not just OCD anxiety but anxiety about "why I don't feel happy" and "is a panic attack due".

I think don't try and put pressure on yourself to feel happy or satisfied or anything else.  Just breathe and take it as it comes. x

Thanks gingerbreadgirl. I'll try to do as you suggest.

[Andrewc]

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

glad the appointment went well I understand it feels scary but like you say you will be taken care of, just in a new place.

No plans for the evening, just a few chores and maybe a bit more Tomb Raider haha

did you go for your run? Hope you enjoyed if so

thanks and yeh I Chose to do my 13k but right in the last kilometre, my knees felt really knobbly and I looked and they are actually quite swollen. fortunately though I'm seeing the gp tomorrow anyway, so hopefully she can fix them! awww tomb raider sounds fun. I used to play games but can't really find the time nowadays. but ill enjoy corrie for sure! do u like that? 

[ashipinharbor]

51 minutes ago, PaulM said:

Nice work. Your post reminded me to do the same.

Thank you! I'm glad I could help 

[taurean]

For me, the best thing we can do is stop compulsing and stop giving meaning to,engaging with, or allowing false connections to, an OCD intrusion. 

Because, when we overcome this, we dry up the source of the OCD, and progress recovery.