Oceanblue Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Hi everyone, I’ve been doing really well over the past 6 weeks after a really severe time with OCD false memory and intrusive thoughts. This has come about by myself not taking these scary ‘what if?’ thoughts so seriously and realising that it all really is just my mind misfiring/OCD. However,recently the negative mental dialogue has switched format and it’s now stating horrible statements that I really don’t want it to state if that makes sense. Also if I’m having a bad day stress wise and am worrying about the OCD coming back it seems to ironically trigger it . For example if I even touch my stomach absent -mindedly the negative,sinister mental dialogue will start by saying ‘I bet you wish it was ‘x’ touching your stomach like that time from years ago (insert subject of recent diabolical false memory which would be completely heinous and unforgivable if true) when you did x,y and z (x,y and z being the worst possible acts/crimes my mind can possibly think of) As a result of the mental dialogue switching format as if recent intrusive thought is fact and is the past tense it has really unnerved me and made it much more difficult for me to shake off. I’ve read that if you succeed in resisting your usual OCD mental pattern the mind may up the ante in order to get you to react cause it’s become so used to the high levels of anxiety so the rational side of me is reasoning that this is OCD switching tactics to get me to react however it really has made me feel sick to my stomach and ridiculously panicky that maybe it’s my mind telling me there’s some truth to these intrusive thoughts despite how extreme they may be. For example this particular intrusive thought would have meant I would have had to have been in a different country years ago in order for it to have been true even though i would have had no passport or even driving licence at the time. However anyone who has had OCD will know that it always find loopholes to make what would seem impossible to many possible. I am so terrified this latest theme is going to undo my recovery and set me back to square one again but at the moment all I have is fear of my own mental dialogue. What should I do? Does this sound familiar to anyone? Please help! Link to comment
Oceanblue Posted May 19, 2018 Author Share Posted May 19, 2018 I’m sorry @helen10937,I’m not quite sure what you mean? Link to comment
Oceanblue Posted May 19, 2018 Author Share Posted May 19, 2018 To clarify,it also happens when my partner touches my stomach as well. @PolarBear do you think you could help me with this, does the last advice you gave me from in last post still apply. I’m so worried and afraid of this new mental dialogue. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 It's just normal, everyday OCD. Only you think certain acts would be unforgivable. When you say things like that you are setting yourself up for failure. Nothing is unforgivable. You're paying attention to these thoughts because they're slightly different and new. Yry to see them as the same old thing. Intrusive thoughts that cause distress. Link to comment
njb Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 (edited) Ocd at work again. It's changed tact because it does that but that's also the time to catch the sod out at it's own game. You'd done well at managing your ocd which also covers all angles it can try to get you with. Carry on the good work and see this latest direction as just the same illness different tact. Good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself. Njb Edited May 29, 2018 by njb Link to comment
Oceanblue Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 Thank you from the bottom of my heart Polar Bear and njb,your replies mean a lot to me. Polar Bear when you say that I am setting myself up for failure by saying that some things are unforgivable it scares me cause it’s making me think I have to accept the thoughts or the idea that they may be true and I just could never be comfortable with this. The intrusive thoughts started out as probably about a 3 on a scale of 1-10 going by how extreme and now they’re def a 10 or above. Nothing is now too extreme for my mind to accuse me of so accepting them as even remotely true would be mind shattering for me. Ironically its only the most horrifying thoughts that sicken me and I think are most terrible that stick. To talk myself into thinking these things are not unforgivable to me alludes to a sign of guilt which I think wil have a negative effect. Because as I said due to the extremities of the thoughts I could never be humanly comfortable with this as I’m sure any decent human wouldn’t. I agree that if I wasn’t so horrified by certain thoughts I wouldn’t have a problem but I could never be content with thinking they may be true,forgiving myself and moving on. It would just be totally out of the question. Plus when I tried to do this with less extreme thoughts in the past and succeeded they were just replaced by the more extreme ones. It’s just like the ocd is never satisfied unless my mind is in a state of panic or fear and will up the ante until I get to this stage. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Your post above is full of negative thinking and cognitive distortions. You flat out state there is no way you could forgive yourself if the thoughts were true. That is flat out false. People forgive themselves all the time. You could do it to. The only thing standing in the way is your faulty belief that you can't do it. The alternative to not forgiving yourself and letting go is to punish yourself relentlessly, just in case the thoughts are true. I've seen it many times before. Link to comment
Oceanblue Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 I can see some of your logic here but surely to forgive myself means accepting that these intrusive thoughts are true instead of treating it as OCD? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Not true. You just let yourself off the hook without ever knowing if they were true. Link to comment
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