OCD worming it’s way back in again

[Sarahb]

A lot has happened since I last posted.  The OCD has been there in the background, catching me when I’m tired.  I even thought I may have borderline personality disorder, but that is another story.   Last year I felt quite low, as my youngest would be starting school in September.  I didn’t want her to. She was my baby and I wasn’t ready to lose both my children to school’s clutches.  I saw the doctor for my medication review and he strongly advised me to apply for some counselling.  Eventually I did through Mind.  It was free, but because of this there was no flexibility on dates.  Therefore due to short notice and other commitments I only had 3 of the 6 sessions.  I wasn’t optimistic either about the outcome, but did go to three sessions and was grateful for them.  We talked about having small goals to start with. Take each day as it comes and enjoy the time left before my youngest started school.  I discussed with the counsellor about feeling that people would want me to work as soon as my daughter started school and this filled me with extremely strong anxiety.  So I felt very low and anxious. I did however have a goal to run my own pre-school classes with my best friend for 3-5 year olds.  I never thought it would happen.?

Amazingly I am now jointly running a pre-school preparation class with my best friend and it is going well.  I love planning the sessions, but haven’t built up the confidence to teach yet.  We have even grown from one session a week to two.  Also in a January I made myself apply for a 1:1 afternoon teaching assistant and I got the job.  So I now work two mornings a week and every afternoon (Mon-Fri). Unfortunately my OCD has become a bit stronger at the school and I find myself checking things again as before. Not as much as I used to in my office job years back, when I had to quit, but could this just be the start?  I have forgotten how to deal with this monster ?

[PolarBear]

In short, identify your compulsions and work hard to stop them. You are checking. That's a compulsion. It makes your situation worse, not better.

[Ashley]

On ‎20‎/‎05‎/‎2018 at 21:06, Sarahb said:

Amazingly I am now jointly running a pre-school preparation class with my best friend and it is going well.  I love planning the sessions, but haven’t built up the confidence to teach yet.  We have even grown from one session a week to two.  Also in a January I made myself apply for a 1:1 afternoon teaching assistant and I got the job.  So I now work two mornings a week and every afternoon (Mon-Fri).

Hi Sarah,

How lovely to see you again, although also not so lovely that you're struggling with the OCD. But if I remember how you used to be on the forums all those years ago, to see the above quote is absolutely amazing, you have done so amazingly remarkably well Sarah!!!! 

 

On ‎20‎/‎05‎/‎2018 at 21:06, Sarahb said:

Unfortunately my OCD has become a bit stronger at the school and I find myself checking things again as before. Not as much as I used to in my office job years back, when I had to quit, but could this just be the start?  I have forgotten how to deal with this monster ?

Don't worry Sarah, it's just like riding a bike, I don't think you have forgotten, you will still know how to take OCD on, what you may need to do though is just get a little proactive in terms of deliberately not checking, and when you do that a few times it will soon come flooding back how to take OCD head on!

You can do this, I know you can!!

 

[Sarahb]

Thank you Polar Bear. Great advice

Hi Ashley 

I think the most amazing thing is that I can actually see I have achieved something and have to admit to it.  I’m very good at saying I can’t do this and that as I suffer from anxiety and OCD.  My work partner said only today that we should be proud of ourselves from making our business work, from just an idea we had over lunch.

 I usually do win with the OCD.  It depend how tired or stressed I am.  I don’t remember how poorly I was before, in the years when I was a regular on the forum.  I somehow have blocked it out.  My husband sometimes reminds me, as he never got over it.  I never want to go down that road again.  I find the school work very stressful, as I am way out of my comfort zone.  In truth willing my contract to end.  That’s when I know I have a long way to go anxiety wise.

Onwards and upwards I hope