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Hi all

Logged on to write this morning before i came to work but couldn't get on. 

Feeling really unsettled all of a sudden, getting mini pangs of that anxious sinking shock feeling. I have been working so hard too. 

Sorry just thought I would reach out. I know what I should do and as i say I've been a lot better but not so good last night and today :(

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Hi Saz, sorry to hear you have struggled over the last few hours and you’ve reached out for a little support :(

The forum as been having technical work done ready for the new website to be up and running, so that’s why you couldn’t get on this morning. 

Sadly stress can make your OCD worse, so if you’ve been a little stressed by your work load this could be making you feel this way :(

Try to find a little wind down time, maybe a nice relaxing book or a long hot soak usually helps. Every body needs to find a little me time, especially when you have a heavy workload :yes:

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On 21/05/2018 at 16:10, lostinme said:

Hi Saz, sorry to hear you have struggled over the last few hours and you’ve reached out for a little support :(

The forum as been having technical work done ready for the new website to be up and running, so that’s why you couldn’t get on this morning. 

Sadly stress can make your OCD worse, so if you’ve been a little stressed by your work load this could be making you feel this way :(

Try to find a little wind down time, maybe a nice relaxing book or a long hot soak usually helps. Every body needs to find a little me time, especially when you have a heavy workload :yes:

Sorry for the late reply lost. Hope you are well. 

Work has been ok. I just seemed to of gotten hit by this doubt about the false memory on my way in to work. I have just had a therapy session just now and and I feel pretty worried. It was intense. I don't want to go into too much detail as i feel like my sessions should be confidential but I do feel down a bit. X

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Hi i can't fully remember what my last post was before bed. I think I was saying that i feel like a manipulating fraud. The session has made me think i have ptsd about a real event now. The reason im saying ptsd is because my therapist said although its a false memory, the way its affected me is like ptsd. I think i understand that but I have been left with a strong sense that this is ptsd about a real event that i just can't remember. 

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Saz you are totally ruminating.  You neeeeeed to resist the urge to engage with it like this.  it is very very hard but you must do it absolutely no matter what.  You must not engage with it, on any level, in any way.  Just let it be there, bubbling away.  You feel bad now because you have been ruminating. 

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17 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Saz you are totally ruminating.  You neeeeeed to resist the urge to engage with it like this.  it is very very hard but you must do it absolutely no matter what.  You must not engage with it, on any level, in any way.  Just let it be there, bubbling away.  You feel bad now because you have been ruminating. 

Thanks gbg but I think i feel bad because of the actual session. In the past on here i mentioned about ptsd about a real event and i think the session yesterday is confirming my worst fears. I'm so confused and panicky. 

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If there's one and only rule you need to follow at all times, no matter what, 100%, no matter what your feelings are, it's this - stop trying to pin it down. 

Every time you try and pin it down you set yourself back.

Every time you try and pin it down you make yourself feel horrendous.

You are trying to pin it down. 

You've been trying to pin it down for years and it's got you nowhere.

Stop trying to pin it down. 

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GBG is spot on Saz. You're trying to work it out again- this will only set you back. You've been here before and it's got you nowhere closer to finding out anything. Take a step back- you'll soon see that this is OCD.

On another note. I went to a wedding a month ago (my brother got married). I enjoyed myself a little too much and had too much to drink (I'll never learn). The next morning I was panicking- what if I did something terrible... then I caught myself. I have OCD. It's barely bothered me since.

You can do this Saz. Have a good day- NO RUMINATING!!!

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4 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Every time you try and pin it down you set yourself back

 

100% true

We talked about this yesterday Saz, about how you're slipping back into the compulsions, particularly seeking reassurance and searching for certainty.  Resist it.  It's important you recognise this doubt as being part and parcel of the same thing.

Dig deep and apply the advice :)

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6 hours ago, Binxy said:

GBG is spot on Saz. You're trying to work it out again- this will only set you back. You've been here before and it's got you nowhere closer to finding out anything. Take a step back- you'll soon see that this is OCD.

On another note. I went to a wedding a month ago (my brother got married). I enjoyed myself a little too much and had too much to drink (I'll never learn). The next morning I was panicking- what if I did something terrible... then I caught myself. I have OCD. It's barely bothered me since.

You can do this Saz. Have a good day- NO RUMINATING!!!

Glad you got on top of that binx before it took hold. 

Because of all this talk of ptsd its now made me think that it was a real scenario after all and that has caused all this other massive anxiety and ocd within me since that point. I know that major evens can br trigger points for ocd. Don't you see how this looks to me now? :(

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How it looks to me now Saz is that you are doing what we said you must resist, listening to your mind making up connections back to your fears. 

You will only get better when you stop listening and get back on track, ignoring any uncomfortable feelings or attempts to hook you back into distress. 

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21 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

how are you doing Saz? x

Hi and so sorry for the late reply. Im not too bad today. Felt rotten though the back end of the week, really worried. Im probably ok this weekend as im away but its still there and I think come tomorrow its going to be really bad again. Its just really got to me all this talk of ptsd and I feel like a horrible person :(

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Hi Saz

Try not to pre-empt how you'll feel tomorrow, you're sending yourself quite a powerful message that it's to be expected, it then usually happens.  Bat that thought away.

Also, accept that this PTSD issue is just yet another variation on your "SAME" OCD theme.  It's a huge mistake to be tricked into investigating the doubt.  When it crops up, resist the urge to ruminate and keep doing so. To move forward you have to work hard at developing this skill

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On 27/05/2018 at 10:09, Andrewc said:

have you tried going for a run and catching some sun? this works for me, and music

Hi i absolutely love the sun, im always out in it, im actually vitamin d deficient, for some reason i don't absorb it from the sun. Obviously though still being outside in the beautiful weather does make me feel a bit better but it doesn't seem to last too long. I have a hobby i enjoy but struggle to find the time to do it at the moment. 

On 27/05/2018 at 12:00, Caramoole said:

Hi Saz

Try not to pre-empt how you'll feel tomorrow, you're sending yourself quite a powerful message that it's to be expected, it then usually happens.  Bat that thought away.

Also, accept that this PTSD issue is just yet another variation on your "SAME" OCD theme.  It's a huge mistake to be tricked into investigating the doubt.  When it crops up, resist the urge to ruminate and keep doing so. To move forward you have to work hard at developing this skill

I knew myself that i shouldn't have been pre empting how i would feel. I think i just know now that any slight positive feelings i have about my false memory never last long. Definitely had a few horrible days at the end of last week. Trying to work hard not to think any further on about the ptsd issue now. 

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31 minutes ago, Saz said:

Hi i absolutely love the sun, im always out in it, im actually vitamin d deficient, for some reason i don't absorb it from the sun. Obviously though still being outside in the beautiful weather does make me feel a bit better but it doesn't seem to last too long. I have a hobby i enjoy but struggle to find the time to do it at the moment. 

I knew myself that i shouldn't have been pre empting how i would feel. I think i just know now that any slight positive feelings i have about my false memory never last long. Definitely had a few horrible days at the end of last week. Trying to work hard not to think any further on about the ptsd issue now. 

nice, I spent a long time out in the sun today reading in the park , was lovely. was meant to run, but ran 13k two days in a. row so was knackered and gave my legs a rest. whats your hobby? hows your day been otherwise?

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That sounds nice Andrew. I also like running (well the park runs) but not done them in ages. My hobby is face painting and using makeup to turn myself into celebrities/tv characters. Sounds strange i know lol. 

In work today so hoping for a better day as will be busy. I will let you guys all know how i get on. Hope everyone else is ok. 

 

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1 hour ago, Binxy said:

Have a better day Saz

Thanks binx. How are you? 

1 hour ago, njb said:

Hope you're feeling better saz. 

Thanks njb, hope you are good. 

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I'm OK thanks Saz. It's chucking it down with rain- I suppose the sunny days had to leave me, it is England after all! Howe are you doing today? Remember, zero tolerance to those compulsions...

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14 minutes ago, Binxy said:

I'm OK thanks Saz. It's chucking it down with rain- I suppose the sunny days had to leave me, it is England after all! Howe are you doing today? Remember, zero tolerance to those compulsions...

Yep raining here today too and dull! Glad you are ok. 

Im ok, not too bad, not too great, but getting on with things. Stomach feels like its in knots though. 

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