Jump to content

If something is "contaminated" my intrusive thoughts spike


Recommended Posts

So, my thing right now is that intrusive thoughts "contaminate" what I'm doing, like reading a book or whatever. I also have physical contamination. So, if I feel my keyboard and mouse are "contaminated," my intrusive sexual thoughts will spike and my groinal responses will get even worse. This is terrible. It's like my OCD is holding me hostage by making my groinal responses even worse and more intense. I don't want to do this anymore. 

For instance, I made a doctor's appointment that is "contaminated." I want to get on a certain medication before I travel to Germany a week from tomorrow, so this is probably my last opportunity. However, since the appointment is contaminated, the prescription will also be contaminated and then me being on this drug will be contaminated. Which means potentially I could be anxious about it for years because I will be on this drug for years (the drug is finasteride for male pattern hair loss). 

All of this because I had a very bad intrusive thought last night, and felt like I might have been genuinely aroused by it. I know what groinal responses "feel like" and this felt more like actual arousal. This is a new thing since I was in therapy...if something is contaminated my intrusive thoughts get worse and worse, and the groinal responses seemingly more intense, until I de-contaminate that thing. There's the anxiety about it being contaminated, and then there's the anxiety about my intrusive sexual thoughts spiking because that thing is contaminated.

Edited by Ryukil
Link to comment

If I get on that medication now, it's going to ruin my entire trip because it will be "contaminated" and I'll be super anxious. Which just shows how bad I've let my OCD get. I really should just get on it, though. I need to stop letting my OCD make these choices for me. And I've been trying to get on this drug for months, calling different doctors and trying to work everything out.

Link to comment

Yeah. It's possible (even likely) that my entire trip could be ruined if I get on this medication. However...I'm sick of OCD dictating what I am able to do and not. 

Link to comment
34 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

Yeah. It's possible (even likely) that my entire trip could be ruined if I get on this medication. However...I'm sick of OCD dictating what I am able to do and not. 

And there's your answer ... motivation. Ultimately it's your choice. Who's the boss, you, or some silly time-wasting disorder? 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...