Who wants to change?

[njb]

I do like the message behind the image. I'm trying to change. I've tried to not react over the last week and have noticed ocd is trying to get me on other unspeakable sexual themes but im trying to use that against ocd. I've finally got CBT and the therapist is a trainee and im embracing that. I'm even doing a diary of my ocd which is paraphrased of course but it's a step in right direction to dusting down my triggers and reignite the ocd knowledge.

I've been coping with ocd on and off since about 8 and turned 46 yesterday. It's never too late to try or try again having tried already. X

Edited June 20, 2018 by njb

[taurean]

It's a horrible theme njb but nevertheless it is OCD. 

The thoughts are intrusions following the OCD core belief, which is attacking your real true values. 

Ignoring the thoughts, not connecting with them, is the way forward. Don't be embarrassed by them, they don't reflect your true core values. 

You have been suffering a long time with this, but following the CBT for OCD path will help you - with our support - to break free. It can be done, we can retrain our brains not to react to the thoughts then they ease off in due course in power and frequency. 

Edited June 20, 2018 by taurean

[Emsie]

7 hours ago, Caramoole said:

To quote the old cliche, every journey starts with one small step.  Start that journey, in earnest today.  Mark it in your diary or on the calendar, today you're going to start the process of changing your life for the better.

Don't panic, it doesn't have to be huge.....but today work on those compulsions.  Use the 15 minute delay tactic.  When you have a huge urge to start Googling, remind yourself that it is OCD that is making you feel this way and decide that you will not buckle and check for 15 minutes.  Remind yourself that you're taking charge and repairing your thinking process.  When the 15 minutes is up don"t immediately dash to the computer, reassess, see how you feel and if you're doing okay, postpone a bit longer.  The aim isn't to think "It's okay, only 15 minutes and then I'll check".....it's to change the reaction to the urge, to get through that period of discomfort without capitulating and giving in to the urge.

Give it a go today Emsie, try and do it each time that urgent feeling crops up.  See how you go and let us know this evening.  Good Luck

Caramoole, thank you so much for all of this wonderful advice and encouragement and for being there. 

You must have a sixth sense because your post could not have been better timed. I had a thought today about what I'd read last night (whilst googling) and I had such an urgent need to google and seek reassurance from googling today.

I had the thought whilst driving so luckily there was a natural delay and when I got home I was desperate to google but I couldn't straight away and the anxiety lessened a little. I was fighting not googling but I knew I was close to doing it, but I came on the forum and read your wonderful post and it gave me the kick I needed. 

I sat with the anxiety and the urgent need faded and then disappeared. I gave it a go and it worked and next time I'll try the same again. If I'd started googling again today, I'd probably still be doing it on and off when I could. It's like striking a match, but you soon have a fire.  I have to say it really helped that you said 'see how you go and let us know this evening' because I really wanted to be able to say that I didn't give in to the urge. 

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. X

Edited June 20, 2018 by Emsie

[Emsie]

10 hours ago, lostinme said:

Emsie, kaheath, Bruce’s, 

Change is definetly possible, believe in yourself and never give up hope. Im so glad that I stuck to it, my life is so much better now and I never give up hope of one day to be totally free. I’m motivated every day to try and try again, if one thing doesn’t work then I try another until something finally clicks. Keep going and one day you will see the changes you have made too. 

Best wishes, lost 

Thank you so much Lost for all your kind words of support and encouragement. You are so inspirational. X

Edited June 20, 2018 by Emsie

[lostinme]

8 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Thank you so much Lost for all your kind words of support and encouragement. You are so inspirational. X

Your more than welcome Emsie and thank you x

15 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Caramoole, thank you so much for all of this wonderful advice and encouragement and for being there. 

You must have a sixth sense because your post could not have been better timed. I had a thought today about what I'd read last night (whilst googling) and I had such an urgent need to google and seek reassurance from googling today.

I had the thought whilst driving so luckily there was a natural delay and when I got home I was desperate to google but I couldn't straight away and the anxiety lessened a little. I was fighting not googling but I knew I was close to doing it, but I came on the forum and read your wonderful post and it gave me the kick I needed. 

I sat with the anxiety and the urgent need faded and then disappeared. I gave it a go and it worked and next time I'll try the same again. If I'd started googling again today, I'd probably still be doing it on and off when I could. It's like striking a match, but you soon have a fire.  I have to say it really helped that you said 'see how you go and let us know this evening' because I really wanted to be able to say that I didn't give in to the urge. 

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. X

You’ve done really well Emsie be very proud of yourself and keep going you can do this 

Ive been where you are now and I’m slowly coming out the other side and enjoying my life again, so believe me it’s possible  it takes hard work and determination, keep focused on your end goal and motivate yourself daily to do at least one thing and eventually you can too  x 

[Emsie]

11 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Your more than welcome Emsie and thank you x

You’ve done really well Emsie be very proud of yourself and keep going you can do this 

Ive been where you are now and I’m slowly coming out the other side and enjoying my life again, so believe me it’s possible  it takes hard work and determination, keep focused on your end goal and motivate yourself daily to do at least one thing and eventually you can too  x 

Thank you so much again, Lost. Bless you for all of your kind words and for cheering me on. I will do all of those things that you said. I have to, I want to come out the other side. A huge thank you! X

Edited June 20, 2018 by Emsie

[Caramoole]

Well Done Emsie

Try and apply the same tomorrow.  The urge strikes hardest when it first strikes but it does die down.  Use this delay tactic.  Watch for the self-talk that goes on in your head, it's that that chucks the fuel on the fire and keeps it burning.  Be aware that the real cause of your doubt and distress is caused by OCD.  Be very proud of yourself and if you take one bit of wisdom away it's that you can survive those urges and the anxiety will fade.  If the urge strikes you, don't sit there thinking OMG.....keep on with your normal routine.

Look forward to hearing how you get on

[Emsie]

30 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Well Done Emsie

Try and apply the same tomorrow.  The urge strikes hardest when it first strikes but it does die down.  Use this delay tactic.  Watch for the self-talk that goes on in your head, it's that that chucks the fuel on the fire and keeps it burning.  Be aware that the real cause of your doubt and distress is caused by OCD.  Be very proud of yourself and if you take one bit of wisdom away it's that you can survive those urges and the anxiety will fade.  If the urge strikes you, don't sit there thinking OMG.....keep on with your normal routine.

Look forward to hearing how you get on

Thank you so much Caramoole, I will do all of those things. Your reply is so helpful and supportive. Thank you so much for being there to spur me on and for giving such great practical advice and insight. 

I will keep you updated. Thank you so much again! X

Edited June 20, 2018 by Emsie

[CJay]

How do you help the person who wants change but is too frightened to want to change? 

(The person referred to isn’t me - it took me every scrap of courage I could muster but change I did.)

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

41 minutes ago, CJay said:

How do you help the person who wants change but is too frightened to want to change? 

(The person referred to isn’t me - it took me every scrap of courage I could muster but change I did.)

You do it. People with OCD are afraid of change because compulsions gives relief. 

You can give information but it will help just so much. The person needs to face the anxiety

Edited June 20, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

1 hour ago, CJay said:

How do you help the person who wants change but is too frightened to want to change? 

(The person referred to isn’t me - it took me every scrap of courage I could muster but change I did.)

Fear is the emotion OCD uses to keep us subject to its restrictive rules. 

We have to understand this and face and overcome that fear in order to start the road to recovery. 

Essentially, the fear evokes the compulsion of avoidance. Instead of avoiding, we must deliberately do what OCD doesn't want us to, experience and live with the resultant anxiety in exposure and response prevention sessions, until the threat is understood as false and the anxiety eases away. 

Your friend will benefit from encouragement and support during this necessary exposure work. 

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, taurean said:

Fear is the emotion OCD uses to keep us subject to its restrictive rules. 

We have to understand this and face and overcome that fear in order to start the road to recovery. 

Unfortunately, this is true.  There isn't a way to beat this really  that avoids fear completely.  Acceptance of the cause and understanding that the fear is because of OCD, an anxiety condition.  Your friend isn't avoiding fear anyway, they probably live in fear constantly.  Perhaps explain that living as they are doesn't stop them feeling anxiety and fear and that perhaps it's more beneficial to feel anxious whilst facing these fears and moving towards recovery than feeling anxious anyway.

[CJay]

9 hours ago, Caramoole said:

Unfortunately, this is true.  There isn't a way to beat this really  that avoids fear completely.  Acceptance of the cause and understanding that the fear is because of OCD, an anxiety condition.  Your friend isn't avoiding fear anyway, they probably live in fear constantly.  Perhaps explain that living as they are doesn't stop them feeling anxiety and fear and that perhaps it's more beneficial to feel anxious whilst facing these fears and moving towards recovery than feeling anxious anyway.

I suffer from OCD too and understand how difficult it is but after a combination of the right meds, CBT and sheer determination mine is managed by me instead of controlling me. I still have to cope with a lot of anxiety and fear though.

I’ve tried telling my friend what you’ve suggested but there are always ‘reasons’ why those fears can’t be faced and help can’t be sought. 

Her OCD is beyond severe and I’m very worried about her. Unfortunately I can’t be too specific as that would mean betraying her trust in me. 

[Caramoole]

It is very sad but ultimately (unless she is a danger to herself or others) only she can make the choice to undergo treatment.

I don't believe that her OCD is worse than any other, only that the restrictions she has imposed on herself, the compulsions, rituals, behaviours, avoidances etc have become excessive and compounded until life is hell-like.

All you can do is continue with providing knowledge, support and drip feeding the message home.  Try not to think of having to deal with multiple types of fears, compulsions or rituals.  If you grasp what OCD really is, how your brain reacts (and to what) and responds, you shouldn't have to treat each problem separately but as one principle applied across all. 

[CJay]

Thanks, Caramoole, that helps. 

 

[Emsie]

On 20 June 2018 at 21:30, Caramoole said:

Well Done Emsie

Try and apply the same tomorrow.  The urge strikes hardest when it first strikes but it does die down.  Use this delay tactic.  Watch for the self-talk that goes on in your head, it's that that chucks the fuel on the fire and keeps it burning.  Be aware that the real cause of your doubt and distress is caused by OCD.  Be very proud of yourself and if you take one bit of wisdom away it's that you can survive those urges and the anxiety will fade.  If the urge strikes you, don't sit there thinking OMG.....keep on with your normal routine.

Look forward to hearing how you get on

I applied the same again today and the anxiety faded. I did the same with some of my other compulsions and I didn't do them. It wasn't a clean sheet, but enough to build on. 

 Caramoole, your help has been invaluable and I will keep going. I'm learning from my mistakes too, which I know Lost really advocates as part of the process. I'm starting to believe I can gradually do this. Thank you so much for all of your insight, I really connected with it. X

Edited June 21, 2018 by Emsie

[lostinme]

That’s great Emsie, well done your doing amazing!  keep going you can do this 

Yesterday I had a truly fantastic day, in fact I would go as far to say it was basically an OCD free day  it’s amzing how different I felt in myself, happy,chirpy, jokey, go lucky me Something I’ve not felt for a long time  I celebrated my success with a glass of wine and a Chinese 

Today as been the total opposite however, good day, bad day, but I no longer see it as a bad thing and beat myself up about it, because this proves to be counterproductive to my mood. Instead I learn from it, I’ve started to realise the reasons behind why today is different from yesterday, what was different, why I’m so overwhelmed by the thoughts etc and what I could have done different to change this. I’ve learnt that today, I was stressed, rushing here and there, thinking ahead and what I’ve got to do and get done and where I’ve got to go etc, I then just let one tiny thought become important instead of just letting it be there and not giving it importance and before you know it the anxiety as spiked. So bad days are good too, because you begin to see the mistakes you make and how you can handle things differently the next time it happens. So now I’m back to being calm and the anxiety subsided I can see the mistakes I’ve made, so bad days are good days too because these are the days you learn the most, so embrace both  and celebrate  

[lostinme]

I use to beat myself up about bad days, I’m useless, I can’t do this, I’ve failed etc. This would lower my mood each and every time and I’d believe I was absolutely useless. However I became to realise that the bad days are just as important as the good days if not more so, because if every day was a good day, we wouldn’t learn from the mistakes we were making, we need to make mistakes to learn from them  x

[taurean]

Just so. And by learning from them we can generate more good days and less bad days. 

[taurean]

My day started badly with a powerful dream, and woke up a little distressed and dehydrated, and some harm issues were calling for attention (interesting how both lost and I found vulnerability when stress leaves its calling card).  

I drank lots of water to rehydrate, then lost myself in a lovely book and some soft classical music. 

By the time Julie asked me to join her for Breakfast, equilibrium was restored and it's gone on to be a truly great day 

Edited June 22, 2018 by taurean

[Emsie]

On 22 June 2018 at 15:15, lostinme said:

That’s great Emsie, well done your doing amazing!  keep going you can do this 

Yesterday I had a truly fantastic day, in fact I would go as far to say it was basically an OCD free day  it’s amzing how different I felt in myself, happy,chirpy, jokey, go lucky me Something I’ve not felt for a long time  I celebrated my success with a glass of wine and a Chinese 

Today as been the total opposite however, good day, bad day, but I no longer see it as a bad thing and beat myself up about it, because this proves to be counterproductive to my mood. Instead I learn from it, I’ve started to realise the reasons behind why today is different from yesterday, what was different, why I’m so overwhelmed by the thoughts etc and what I could have done different to change this. I’ve learnt that today, I was stressed, rushing here and there, thinking ahead and what I’ve got to do and get done and where I’ve got to go etc, I then just let one tiny thought become important instead of just letting it be there and not giving it importance and before you know it the anxiety as spiked. So bad days are good too, because you begin to see the mistakes you make and how you can handle things differently the next time it happens. So now I’m back to being calm and the anxiety subsided I can see the mistakes I’ve made, so bad days are good days too because these are the days you learn the most, so embrace both  and celebrate  

Sorry Lost, I meant to reply to your post. Thank you so much for your positivity and for cheering me on, it really helps. 

That's so awesome you had an OCD free day and that despite the different day the next day you still saw the positive and that you saw it as a learning experience. You are so inspiring. Hope you're doing well. X

Edited June 27, 2018 by Emsie

[Emsie]

On 20 June 2018 at 21:30, Caramoole said:

Well Done Emsie

Try and apply the same tomorrow.  The urge strikes hardest when it first strikes but it does die down.  Use this delay tactic.  Watch for the self-talk that goes on in your head, it's that that chucks the fuel on the fire and keeps it burning.  Be aware that the real cause of your doubt and distress is caused by OCD.  Be very proud of yourself and if you take one bit of wisdom away it's that you can survive those urges and the anxiety will fade.  If the urge strikes you, don't sit there thinking OMG.....keep on with your normal routine.

Look forward to hearing how you get on

I'm still doing the above and I'm finding that (at the moment), the frequency of my fears/thoughts is declining. It's not been a clean sheet, but when I've buckled and performed my compulsions, I've been able to dust myself off and start afresh the next day.

I had a major blip yesterday evening and I thought it would spill in to today, but it didn't. I feel in a better place. It's also giving me the strength and motivation to tackle other compulsions that I have that have become habitual, e.g. checking doors etc. 

I am in CBT at the moment and I feel that it's now sinking in. This coupled with Caramoole's great advice on this thread has allowed me to have the strength to do this. Also, I found this thread so powerful, so a huge thank you to Ashley and to Caramoole for resurrecting it. I'd had enough and it was time to change.

It's amazing how resisting your compulsions can make you feel so much more stronger. I know I've got a long way to go, but I'm so hopeful. Give it a go guys, make the decision to change. This time last week I made that decision and it's been a god send. I've always wanted to change, but I feel last week that I actually made a commitment. 

Love to you all. X

[Headwreck]

3 minutes ago, Emsie said:

I'm still doing the above and I'm finding that (at the moment), the frequency of my fears/thoughts is declining. It's not been a clean sheet, but when I've buckled and performed my compulsions, I've been able to dust myself off and start afresh the next day.

I had a major blip yesterday evening and I thought it would spill in to today, but it didn't. I feel in a better place. It's also giving me the strength and motivation to tackle other compulsions that I have that have become habitual, e.g. checking doors etc. 

I am in CBT at the moment and I feel that it's now sinking in. This coupled with Caramoole's great advice on this thread has allowed me to have the strength to do this. Also, I found this thread so powerful, so a huge thank you to Ashley and to Caramoole for resurrecting it. I'd had enough and it was time to change.

It's amazing how resisting your compulsions can make you feel so much more stronger. I know I've got a long way to go, but I'm so hopeful. Give it a go guys, make the decision to change. This time last week I made that decision and it's been a god send. I've always wanted to change, but I feel last week that I actually made a commitment. 

Love to you all. X

This is brilliant, well done

[lostinme]

41 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Sorry Lost, I meant to reply to your post. Thank you so much for your positivity and for cheering me on, it really helps. 

That's so awesome you had an OCD free day and that despite the different day the next day you still saw the positive and that you saw it as a learning experience. You are so inspiring. Hope you're doing well. X

Hi flower, I think that sharing positivity and praising each other for each achievement we make no matter how big or small helps our progress, we gain confidence and pride and by sharing it it boosts our morale too  I like cheering people on, because I believe it really does help and I like the little pink outfit too

Im afraid I’ve had a rough couple of days sadly, not brought on by my OCD but more of an external event that made my OCD spiral out of control, but I’ve still battled on regardless I won’t be defeated so easily. Hopefully over the next couple of days I will be back to where I left off 

In some ways it good that external events occur too when doing therapy because we learn how to cope in these times too, the same as if we never made mistakes during therapy we wouldn’t know how to deal with these things, if and when they did occur. So all a working progress even though a little unpleasant at times. 

Hope you are doing ok x

[lostinme]

10 minutes ago, Emsie said:

I'm still doing the above and I'm finding that (at the moment), the frequency of my fears/thoughts is declining. It's not been a clean sheet, but when I've buckled and performed my compulsions, I've been able to dust myself off and start afresh the next day.

I had a major blip yesterday evening and I thought it would spill in to today, but it didn't. I feel in a better place. It's also giving me the strength and motivation to tackle other compulsions that I have that have become habitual, e.g. checking doors etc. 

I am in CBT at the moment and I feel that it's now sinking in. This coupled with Caramoole's great advice on this thread has allowed me to have the strength to do this. Also, I found this thread so powerful, so a huge thank you to Ashley and to Caramoole for resurrecting it. I'd had enough and it was time to change.

It's amazing how resisting your compulsions can make you feel so much more stronger. I know I've got a long way to go, but I'm so hopeful. Give it a go guys, make the decision to change. This time last week I made that decision and it's been a god send. I've always wanted to change, but I feel last week that I actually made a commitment. 

Love to you all. X

That’s great news Emsie  keep going you’ve got this remember to only ever look back to see how far you’ve come  x