lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 (edited) A year ago, I was an anxious teen but I didn't have OCD and my life wasn't easy but right now it seems it was much easier than now. I'm desperate because I try to think that if it wasn't for this disorder, I would have finished high school already but now I'll be another year late to everything. Would I ever make it to college? I don't think so, I'm gonna drop dead soon. I can't handle this guilt and angst anymore, it's killing me in the inside, I can't bare with the fact that I've done things like: -technically masturbate over members of my family including my little sister -have had sexual thoughts about them including fantasies -checked out my little sister multiple times having thoughts about her bottom -becoming a pedophile and an incest sick ******* -becoming a real pervert You see? It's too much for someone to only be OCD, cause it's something else other than that. Yes I might ruminate, do rituals etc but I think it might be due to my anxiety disorder. Concluding this topic: I don't deserve to live. Edited May 28, 2018 by lily17 Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 If you're so sure, why do you doubt? Why post here if it's not OCD? Could it be that, maybe, it is? Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Dearest lily, I feel so much for you but don’t you think everyone who suffers with OCD fears it’s the truth? If they didn’t it wouldn’t be a disorder? Do you see what I’m saying? Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 2 minutes ago, ashipinharbor said: If you're so sure, why do you doubt? Why post here if it's not OCD? Could it be that, maybe, it is? I posted here because I needed to rant and didn't know where else to do it but right now I'm doubting everything... Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 That’s why it’s known as the doubting disease too Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lostinme said: Dearest lily, I feel so much for you but don’t you think everyone who suffers with OCD fears it’s the truth? If they didn’t it wouldn’t be a disorder? Do you see what I’m saying? Yeah, I do lost. I just think I'm the exception Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lily17 said: but right now I'm doubting everything... You wouldn't be here if you weren't doubting everything. That tells me something. It should tell you that, too. Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 So so many others do too lily, you are not an exception Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 1 minute ago, lily17 said: I just think I'm the exception So did I. Still turned out to be OCD. Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 I think you are just struggling because you are not understanding what we are trying to say to you and what you need to do to turn this around? Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Listen to ship, she as done amazing and come a long way in the last year Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Also, I'm sorry if I sound blunt. I'm just trying to show you the logic about it, since that's how you have to overcome OCD. With rational thinking, and not getting caught up. Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 I've tried doing what Ashley suggested about the lists and stuff but I feel so bad about this disorder I can't think clearly and I see myself doing stuff I always regret later like checking out my sister or other stuff I just want to be a normal old sister to her not someone who tends to fantasize about her Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lostinme said: Listen to ship, she as done amazing and come a long way in the last year Oh, you are too kind, lostinme. Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 1 minute ago, ashipinharbor said: Also, I'm sorry if I sound blunt. I'm just trying to show you the logic about it, since that's how you have to overcome OCD. With rational thinking, and not getting caught up. Thank you so much ship, you don't sound blunt at all just straight forward and I appreciate that when I'm having trouble Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lily17 said: I've tried doing what Ashley suggested about the lists and stuff but I feel so bad about this disorder I can't think clearly and I see myself doing stuff I always regret later like checking out my sister or other stuff I just want to be a normal old sister to her not someone who tends to fantasize about her My fantasies don't make me doubt, or hate, myself. Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 1 minute ago, ashipinharbor said: Oh, you are too kind, lostinme. Only telling the truth ship Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Maybe it's time to turn this around but I always get caught up and don't know how to cheer myself up always ruminating... Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lily17 said: Thank you so much ship, you don't sound blunt at all just straight forward and I appreciate that when I'm having trouble It's nothing. I've been where you are, so I know how it can twist everything. I just hope I can help. Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, ashipinharbor said: My fantasies don't make me doubt, or hate, myself. Maybe there aren't fantasies at the end my ocd makes me doubt Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lostinme said: Only telling the truth ship Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lily17 said: Maybe there aren't fantasies at the end my ocd makes me doubt If you didn't doubt, OCD wouldn't be doing a very good job. Link to comment
lily17 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, ashipinharbor said: If you didn't doubt, OCD wouldn't be doing a very good job. That's so right Link to comment
lostinme Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 17 minutes ago, lily17 said: A year ago, I was an anxious teen but I didn't have OCD and my life wasn't easy but right now it seems it was much easier than now. I'm desperate because I try to think that if it wasn't for this disorder, I would have finished high school already but now I'll be another year late to everything. Would I ever make it to college? I don't think so, I'm gonna drop dead soon. I can't handle this guilt and angst anymore, it's killing me in the inside, I can't bare with the fact that I've done things like: -technically masturbate over members of my family including my little sister -have had sexual thoughts about them including fantasies -checked out my little sister multiple times having thoughts about her bottom -becoming a pedophile and an incest sick ******* -becoming a real pervert You see? It's too much for someone to only be OCD, cause it's something else other than that. Yes I might ruminate, do rituals etc but I think it might be due to my anxiety disorder. Concluding this topic: I don't deserve to live. Lily your worst fear is to become a pervert or pedophile? You get sexual intrusive thoughts towards your family members? You then act out compulsions to try to reassure yourself that you are not what you fear? Is this correct? Link to comment
ashipinharbor Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Just now, lily17 said: That's so right Trying to stem OCD doubt is like trying to stop the waves. Impossible. All you can do is let the thought be there, and carry on. I know how hard that sounds, believe me, but it's what we have to do. Link to comment
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