Ocd contaminated cupboard help

[Guest Phil10]

Sadly I believe I could worry about this months and replacing the phone will only help. Everything I buy between now and September will be contaminated as I will have touched my phone 

[snowbear]

So, you've decided to believe in the contamination. That's ok - it's your choice. Just as long as you recognise the contamination isn't real and that the behavioural response of throwing things away because of a feeling is completely irrational. 

I've done a lot of very irrational things when my OCD was in control so I do know what you're feeling. Looking back now I regret not choosing to side with the rational part of me that knew the 'contamination' was all just in my head. But sometimes when you're really not well you have to throw away a few things you thought too precious to throw away, or reach some kind of practical crisis, before you wake up to how much you're losing to your OCD.  

Have you done any cognitive work around this yet? What would be the worst that could happen if you allowed some 'contaminated' items to remain in your world? What would be the worst that could happen if you and everything you own were to become 'contaminated', so there was no difference between things that had or hadn't touched your phone? Ideally this is something you would work through with a therapist. Is that on the cards at all for the near future?

 

[paradoxer]

On 31/05/2018 at 14:04, PaulM said:

It can't be reasoned with. It's like the bully in school.

And you're satisfied to allow yourself to be bullied by him? Like the bully in school, if you stand up to OCD - there's a good chance (and certainly with time) that the bully will back down. Don't try to reason with him, punch him on the nose. 

[Guest Phil10]

7 hours ago, snowbear said:

So, you've decided to believe in the contamination. That's ok - it's your choice. Just as long as you recognise the contamination isn't real and that the behavioural response of throwing things away because of a feeling is completely irrational. 

I've done a lot of very irrational things when my OCD was in control so I do know what you're feeling. Looking back now I regret not choosing to side with the rational part of me that knew the 'contamination' was all just in my head. But sometimes when you're really not well you have to throw away a few things you thought too precious to throw away, or reach some kind of practical crisis, before you wake up to how much you're losing to your OCD.  

Have you done any cognitive work around this yet? What would be the worst that could happen if you allowed some 'contaminated' items to remain in your world? What would be the worst that could happen if you and everything you own were to become 'contaminated', so there was no difference between things that had or hadn't touched your phone? Ideally this is something you would work through with a therapist. Is that on the cards at all for the near future?

 

I’ve only had one session so can I expect to improve more? I’ve been told a minimum of six sessions. I’m not sure what’s the worst thing that could happen maybe having to wash my hands all time or not knowing they are “perfect” or “new” anymore. 

The contamination feels real though because I know something happened i believe there is germs. In my parents house I use to put dirty washing in there cupboard and I would reuse old clothes and sit them on the staircase. 

The issue is the moment I decide the clothes are dirty I believe they are contaminated. If I wear them again I believe they are clean. People on other forums said putting dirty laundrey on the bed isn’t ideal? I’ve tried baskets and putting it on the floor that never worked either.

[PolarBear]

6 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I’ve only had one session so can I expect to improve more? I’ve been told a minimum of six sessions. I’m not sure what’s the worst thing that could happen maybe having to wash my hands all time or not knowing they are “perfect” or “new” anymore. 

The contamination feels real though because I know something happened i believe there is germs. In my parents house I use to put dirty washing in there cupboard and I would reuse old clothes and sit them on the staircase. 

The issue is the moment I decide the clothes are dirty I believe they are contaminated. If I wear them again I believe they are clean. People on other forums said putting dirty laundrey on the bed isn’t ideal? I’ve tried baskets and putting it on the floor that never worked either.

See Phil, you've come up with different ways to deal with contamination that doesn't exist. They're all compulsions and they are keeping you stuck. You don't need to do anything with your laundry. It doesn't matter what it touches.

[snowbear]

8 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I’ve only had one session so can I expect to improve more? I’ve been told a minimum of six sessions. I’m not sure what’s the worst thing that could happen maybe having to wash my hands all time or not knowing they are “perfect” or “new” anymore. 

Six sessions is a start. You can review how well things are going as you approach the end of those sessions and if you need more ask for them. 

What does 'not perfect' mean for you? Why is 'new' important to you? Everybody likes new things/ clean and pristine but everybody doesn't feel things are contaminated once they become used. What is it for you that 'used' or 'dirty' represents other than the actual state of being used or unclean?

If you work through this with your therapist you may find you have a hidden belief that explains why you react to the thought of germs from things being used with a feeling of contamination.

For example people sometimes harbour a hidden belief that if you allow used things into your life it somehow means you are less than perfect, that you as a person are being 'used' in some way. That's just an example, but I guarantee you if you dig down it will mean something. When you identify what that something is you can start to challenge the belief and then change it. 

Quote

the moment I decide the clothes are dirty I believe they are contaminated.

If I wear them again I believe they are clean. 

Can you see the contamination is dependant on your state of mind, not the reality of whether clothes are actually clean or dirty? 

So the contamination feeling is a reflection of your state of mind. 

And your state of mind reflects your beliefs - the ones you play out (I believe it's contaminated therefore I need to dispose of it) and the hidden ones (being used or dirty means....) 

Try to work out what it is about 'dirty' or 'used' that offends or disgust you. Have a think and see if anything comes to mind. If it's not immediately obvious, ask your therapist to talk it through with you.  

[Guest Phil10]

Because I put dirty washing on the bed that means if anybody sleeps there it’s dirty and like sleeping on a wash basket? 

[Guest Phil10]

Problem is if I got a wash basket I would believe the area of the carpet would be contaminated?

[Guest Phil10]

I thought changing the bed would do the job but I may still worry I just replaced that bed frame what if down the line i buy another?

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

Because I put dirty washing on the bed that means if anybody sleeps there it’s dirty and like sleeping on a wash basket? 

Do you think most people would say that's what it means?  

OCD happens when we come up with a wrong meaning.

The meaning you've given to dirty laundry touching things plays on your fears instead of reflecting reality. The reality is dirty laundry isn't all that dirty at all. You could sleep in the wash basket without any harm, or take the laundry out of the basket, wear it as pyjamas and tuck it over you as a quilt. When the meaning you give to dirty laundry is 'it's ready to be washed' and nothing more than that the contact you fear all becomes totally harmless. 

It's your interpretation 'This means....' that's the problem. 

That's where you need to do some work - to get the meaning you give to dirty laundry back to normal. Back to what it really means.(Ready to be washed and nothing more sinister than that.) 

[Guest PaulM]

On 06/06/2018 at 00:11, paradoxer said:

And you're satisfied to allow yourself to be bullied by him? Like the bully in school, if you stand up to OCD - there's a good chance (and certainly with time) that the bully will back down. Don't try to reason with him, punch him on the nose. 

He backed down. Occasionally he pops his head round the corner. But yeah, I know what's going on. I've gone on about this in previous replies, but it was getting a handle on the cognitive side of things that gave me the courage to fight back. Using the bully analogy, it's like knowing where to hit him. Not everybody needs that to fight back, but I did. The C in CBT is absolutely critical in my case.

Hopefully Phil10 gets to a point where he can take it on. It took me a number of years to get to that point. 

[Guest Phil10]

Another issue I have with ocd is I pull a pair of clean trousers put the drawer and I sit down and get the urge to change as I fear they are dirty so this means I have more dirty laundry to do.

[Guest Phil10]

4 hours ago, snowbear said:

Do you think most people would say that's what it means?  

OCD happens when we come up with a wrong meaning.

The meaning you've given to dirty laundry touching things plays on your fears instead of reflecting reality. The reality is dirty laundry isn't all that dirty at all. You could sleep in the wash basket without any harm, or take the laundry out of the basket, wear it as pyjamas and tuck it over you as a quilt. When the meaning you give to dirty laundry is 'it's ready to be washed' and nothing more than that the contact you fear all becomes totally harmless. 

It's your interpretation 'This means....' that's the problem. 

That's where you need to do some work - to get the meaning you give to dirty laundry back to normal. Back to what it really means.(Ready to be washed and nothing more sinister than that.) 

Yes that’s true it’s only in past 2 years I’ve worried about laundrey being dirty. Like sometimes if I get changed the clothes hit the carpet so it’s unavoidable to not touch stuff. 

[Guest PaulM]

40 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes that’s true it’s only in past 2 years I’ve worried about laundrey being dirty. Like sometimes if I get changed the clothes hit the carpet so it’s unavoidable to not touch stuff. 

Yes, that's one of things that amazes me too. At one time I was a bicycle mechanic - handling solvents, grease, oils, dirt, tyres, and adding to the contamination fears I have now, responsibilities like whether or not the bicycle I had stripped to bits on a bench is now safe to ride.

None of that bothered me at the time. In fact I ate at my workstation. I'd wash my hands in the shop bathroom (not exactly stellar) one time, probably briefly. During the worst of my condition there is no way I could even have thought about doing such things.

Now I'm back into bicycling. I don't work on bikes as a profession, but I do my own work on my bike. It might not be the same, but it's certainly many steps forward.

[Guest Phil10]

Another issue I have is I feel the urge to change clothes if my t shirt gets wet if the tap sprays water as I fear it’s urine..

And tonight I tried to resist the urge to change and I was lying under the blanket on sofa so my ocd makes me fear the sofa is contaminated with urine this is how my ocd operates..

Edited June 7, 2018 by Phil10

[PolarBear]

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Another issue I have with ocd is I pull a pair of clean trousers put the drawer and I sit down and get the urge to change as I fear they are dirty so this means I have more dirty laundry to do.

Nonsense made up in your mind. You don't have to buy into thoughts like this.

[PolarBear]

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

Another issue I have is I feel the urge to change clothes if my t shirt gets wet if the tap sprays water as I fear it’s urine..

And tonight I tried to resist the urge to change and I was lying under the blanket on sofa so my ocd makes me fear the sofa is contaminated with urine this is how my ocd operates..

We understand how OCD works but you have to take up the challenge and start seeing these thoughts as the nonsense they are.

[Guest Phil10]

One of my issues at the moment is buying stuff that’s the same. My ocd made no me rebuy a floor mop, bucket and window cleaning kit this week. I wouldn’t buy the same floor mop as bathroom as I worried they would get confused even if I labnrled them. 

I got a new bucket as my old one was close to rubbish but I fear the new bucket and windows will be contaminated as they are the same style of bucket?

How can I challenge these thoughts? It’s bad enough I had to replace stuff but even when I replace I still think it’s dirty! :/

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

6 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

One of my issues at the moment is buying stuff that’s the same. My ocd made no me rebuy a floor mop, bucket and window cleaning kit this week. I wouldn’t buy the same floor mop as bathroom as I worried they would get confused even if I labnrled them. 

I got a new bucket as my old one was close to rubbish but I fear the new bucket and windows will be contaminated as they are the same style of bucket?

How can I challenge these thoughts? It’s bad enough I had to replace stuff but even when I replace I still think it’s dirty! :/

First i would refuse to buy more things, use the things you have. You are not allowed to go back and buy more. It will never feel right. Then i would just accept that it could be dirty and still use it. Contaminate it in small steps and still use it. 

Edited June 11, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest Phil10]

20 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

First i would refuse to buy more things, use the things you have. You are not allowed to go back and buy more. It will never feel right. Then i would just accept that it could be dirty and still use it. Contaminate it in small steps and still use it. 

But like 70% if the time rebuying helps but 30% of the time buying isn’t enough as I still worry so I still buy as I get less anxiety if I rebuy 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

6 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

But like 70% if the time rebuying helps but 30% of the time buying isn’t enough as I still worry so I still buy as I get less anxiety if I rebuy 

Some day it will probably not be enough to buy new and OCD will cripple you even more. You are letting the OCD control you and it will just take more and more.

The correct thing would be not to care at all. Buy one time and buy new if something is broken.

Edited June 11, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest Phil10]

3 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Some day it will probably not be enough to buy new and OCD will cripple you even more. You are letting the OCD control you and it will just take more and more.

The correct thing would be not to care at all. Buy one time and buy new if something is broken.

Yes I wish I could like some people with ocd clean stuff repeatedly I wish I did this and felt better because atleast I wouldn’t need to replace. My ocd pattern has made me replace stuff for over 2 years now.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

7 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I wish I could like some people with ocd clean stuff repeatedly I wish I did this and felt better because atleast I wouldn’t need to replace. My ocd pattern has made me replace stuff for over 2 years now.

It will only get worse. Seriously it can end pretty bad, not being able to do anything, and why doing all those stuff? It is not like you get happiness you get relief from anxiety for a very short while. But over time you make yourself more anxious, the only thing you really do is to avoid that high anxiety tomorrow or next week. You can break free from it all, you can recover and then you will be able to put the bucket on your head and not even be fearful.

I have realized i have problems with contamination i didn't even realize, OCD is so crazy, sometimes i wonder if i have OCD or if OCD have me. 

Edited June 11, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[paradoxer]

On 07/06/2018 at 10:18, PaulM said:

He backed down. Occasionally he pops his head round the corner. But yeah, I know what's going on. I've gone on about this in previous replies, but it was getting a handle on the cognitive side of things that gave me the courage to fight back. Using the bully analogy, it's like knowing where to hit him. Not everybody needs that to fight back, but I did. The C in CBT is absolutely critical in my case.

Hopefully Phil10 gets to a point where he can take it on. It took me a number of years to get to that point. 

That it can do.

[PolarBear]

You're not looking at your behavior and seeing what's really going on. You buy new stuff to get rid of the anxiety you feel about contamination but does it really work? No! Because you have to buy new stuff again. And again, and again and again. You keep doing the same thing over and over but it doesn't solve anything. You're stuck.

Compulsions lead to more doubt, more intrusive thoughts. And that leads to the perceived need for more compulsions. And round and round you go. The ONLY way you can break this cycle is by putting your foot down and reducing/stopping the compulsions.