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I’ve been working so hard on my exposures. There was a time not long ago that I couldn’t be left alone with my son. I now look after him alone on a regular basis. I can’t stay in the house all day with him yet, I have to take him out. But each time I’m with him I’m trying too extend the time I stay indoors.

This week my CBT therapist has asked me to sit outside my sons room while he sleeps. This is a challenge, I usually close his door as soon as he’s asleep. But now I have to keep it open and sit outside it. 

Ive been on the forum a lot less as I identified coming on here, searching for familiar stories, as a compulsion. 

I’ve gone back to work despite my fears and I’m exercising and eating healthily to try and combat my depression. 

We’re getting a kitten, I’ve wanted a cat for a long time and I have been putting it off because my thoughts have already turned to harming the kitten. So yesterday I put down the deposit to buy one. 

So I’m doing all of this, and yet I’m still anxious or extremely stressed whenever I’m alone with my son. I always feel that I’m one step away from harming him. I keep telling myself it’s OCD, but it tells me it’s not OCD and that I want to harm my son. 

Does anyone have any advice on where I’m going wrong? 

 

 

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First of all, congratulations. You've taken some big steps and that is great.

Second, understand that this is going to take time. Rome was not built in a day.

Third, quit telling yourself it is OCD. That is self reassurance and it is you reacting to the thoughts. We eventually want you to not react at all to the thoughts.

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Thank you PolarBear this has been going on for 3 years now. I thought I’d cracked it after my first round of CBT but it’s come back just as strong. I’ll keep going and working hard x 

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