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14 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Because you didn't recover from it and it comes and goes on its own. That is how it works. 

 

But do you realize that you will get morw anxiety before it gets better?

But more anxiety = more belief that I've done this? Is this right? I feel like I'm analysing everything so much that I just can't think straight. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 minute ago, Headwreck said:

But more anxiety = more belief that I've done this? Is this right? I feel like I'm analysing everything so much that I just can't think straight. 

Yes i am sorry but that is the case. More anxiety in the beginning

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20 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Because you didn't recover from it and it comes and goes on its own. That is how it works. 

 

But do you realize that you will get morw anxiety before it gets better?

But can anxiety feel like guilt? I feel extremely upset and guilty. Not anxious. 

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So now the story has changed. You no longer had sex with someone. Now it was a kiss.

And you're here telling us your life is over because you might have kissed someone? Really? Your life is over because of a kiss?

OCD has its hooks in you so deep. It has convinced you that something as minor as a kiss means your life is over. And you're not even sure the kiss even happened.

Doesn't that sound just the least bit over the top to you?

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It doesn't make sense to say we done anything sexual as it would have been mentioned afterwards and I don't remember that happening. I know I was drunk but I'd know if I did that. But the kiss I don't know.

He said he felt like kissing me and I think that was the day after on a text message. I told my mum he said that to me when my mind was normal about this and was adamant that nothing happened. I don't know if it was said on the night or in a text afterwards. I told my partner about this night over a year ago and said nothing happened. Maybe I've just never been sure or I've ignored or blocked it out until now. 

Edited by Headwreck
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8 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

Yes. But I don't know how to deal with this.

So don’t. Don’t deal with it. Carry on as usual and don’t try to resolve this or figure anything out. Trying to deal with it is what’s causing all the pain.

Edited by ohwhyhello
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We've been telling you all along what to do. The reason this seems like such a big deal us because of compulsions. You keep going over it in your mind. That keeps the topic top of mind where it causes grief and guilt. That makes you think there must be something to ut, whuch cayses you to do even more compulsions. And round and round you go. You have to break the cycle.

You have to put your foot down and refuse to engage with the thoughts.

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1 minute ago, Headwreck said:

It doesn't make sense to say we done anything sexual as it would have been mentioned afterwards and I don't remember that happening. I know I was drunk but I'd know if I did that. But the kiss I don't know. He said he felt like kissing me and I think that was the day after on a text message. I told my mum he said that to me when my mind was normal about this. I told my partner about this night over a year ago and said nothing happened. Maybe I've just never been sure or I've ignored or blocked it out until now. 

This is all the result of ruminating. You trying to figure things out. This is exactly what you need to stop doing.

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Just now, Headwreck said:

But I don't know how to stop the thoughts, they are there constantly and feelings too, guilt is immense. Is guilt caused by anxiety? 

Then don’t try to stop the thoughts! Let them come but don’t do anything about it.

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Got any cool plans for the weekend? What are you having for dinner? Cooking something new maybe? Anything funny happen at work today? Life. Carry on with life! It goes on even when we’re anxious.

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I don't do anything because I don't feel like I deserve to. I'm stuck in a schedule because deviating away makes me start worrying more. I am trying so hard but the more I try the worse it is. 

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1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

But I don't know how to stop the thoughts, they are there constantly and feelings too, guilt is immense. Is guilt caused by anxiety? 

You don't have to stop or block the thoughts. In fact, trying to do so is counter-productive.

You have to not engage with the thoughts. Very different thing.

So when a thought comes into your mind 'Did I kiss him?' instead of trying to remember or answer the question (compulsions) you simply shrug and say 'I don't know. I'm not going to get drawn into thinking about it. I'm not going to set this thought aside (leave the question unanswered) and get on with the rest of my day.'

It can feel very uncomfortable at first because the desire to know is strong, but the longer you leave these kind of questions unanswered the weaker the need to know becomes.  

The thought won't vanish instantly just because you're not engaging with it. It will keep coming back to nag you. But every time it does you again refuse to engage, refuse to get drawn in, refuse to be tempted into working it out or trying to remember. Every time. 

Sometimes you catch yourself already trying to work it out rather than catching yourself thinking the thought. It's ok - don't get upset with yourself. Just disengage as soon as you realise you've got drawn in by it and try again to set it aside and get on with your day.

Over and over. Practise, practise until it gets easier and your brain does what you want it to do.  :) 

 

Guilt is caused by doing compulsions.

Not being able to answer the questions with certainty, not being able to remember clearly creates a feeling you're doing something wrong  and it's this feeling you recognise as guilt. (The guilt may feel like its about the topic you're thinking over, but it comes from not being able to get your OCD questions resolved.)

Stop trying to answer the questions, stop trying to remember and the guilty feeling goes. :) 

 

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Thank you all. I've got to do something different. It all smacks of OCD but I am really struggling to shake it. I am convinced that I've done something but I have to get on with it. I'll try to stop posting as I do tend to feel worse the next day when I do and tend to use for compulsions and will try to implement the advice everyone has given on this thread. Thanks again, I really appreciate it. 

Edited by Headwreck
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16 hours ago, Headwreck said:

I don't do anything because I don't feel like I deserve to. I'm stuck in a schedule because deviating away makes me start worrying more. I am trying so hard but the more I try the worse it is. 

Ignore the feeling and do things despite it. A feeling is not running the show here, you are. You can have a bad feeling and still live your life. It’s YOUR choice. Let the OCD sit in the back seat. What do you want to do? Make some plans! Who cares if you start worrying? You’re already worrying so, why not live your life while you’re at it?

Edited by ohwhyhello
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Hit an all time low I think. I'm certain I have done something sexual etc or at least a kiss. But how do I tell my partner, he says he will kill himself, so I'm stuck. How could I not think something happened for so long and all of a sudden think I have? I think I was too preoccupied with my last obsession. Should never have put myself in the position that I did where I wanted something to happen in order to get back at him. I can't remember the whole night as was drunk. 

Edited by Headwreck
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I think you know what you need to do. This is the anxiety who wants to drag you back in. The brain thinks you are endangering yourself by ignoring.

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12 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

Hit an all time low I think. I'm certain I have done something sexual etc or at least a kiss. But how do I tell my partner, he says he will kill himself, so I'm stuck. How could I not think something happened for so long and all of a sudden think I have? I think I was too preoccupied with my last obsession. Should never have put myself in the position that I did where I wanted something to happen in order to get back at him. I can't remember the whole night as was drunk. 

I think your partner saying he'll kill himself is actually the fuel behind your OCD. It has heightened the fear anxiety and sense of risk no doubt. It's a pity and quite selfish that he uses that line. I had an ex who did similar. That's emotional manipulation and control whether your partner wants to believe that or not. Please get a therapist and talk this through with them. You need someone with clarity and without the OCD goggles to help you with your OCD and how to approach your partner on other matters. He can't just say that he will kill himself to you. That's not on. He's bound to know those threats would make your anxiety problems worsen. 

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I'm trying to make out that I'm not bothered by all this but I really am. It's a big deal. I'm telling myself I don't know ect but I feel like I do know really. There is a possibility something happened but I don't know why it's only been realised now nearly three years after the event. My therapist asked me "did you do it" hypothetically and my instinct was to say yes and it felt right. 

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2 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

My therapist asked me "did you do it" hypothetically and my instinct was to say yes and it felt right. 

And this is what OCD does.

All of the wondering and delving into your memories and what you think are you memories and trying to differentiate between the two is rumination and compulsion. It will only serve to make the feeling of 'I did it' worse. You need to stop doing the analysis. It will feel bad and unnatural for a while but it's the only way the clarity will come to you and that clarity could be months away. The longer you keep doing your compulsions, the longer it will take to get the clarity.

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1 hour ago, Orwell1984 said:

I think your partner saying he'll kill himself is actually the fuel behind your OCD. It has heightened the fear anxiety and sense of risk no doubt. It's a pity and quite selfish that he uses that line. I had an ex who did similar. That's emotional manipulation and control whether your partner wants to believe that or not. Please get a therapist and talk this through with them. You need someone with clarity and without the OCD goggles to help you with your OCD and how to approach your partner on other matters. He can't just say that he will kill himself to you. That's not on. He's bound to know those threats would make your anxiety problems worsen. 

I haven't mentioned this to my therapist but yes it does add immense pressure. 

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54 minutes ago, Orwell1984 said:

And this is what OCD does.

All of the wondering and delving into your memories and what you think are you memories and trying to differentiate between the two is rumination and compulsion. It will only serve to make the feeling of 'I did it' worse. You need to stop doing the analysis. It will feel bad and unnatural for a while but it's the only way the clarity will come to you and that clarity could be months away. The longer you keep doing your compulsions, the longer it will take to get the clarity.

I used to think I was innocent but now I'm convinced I'm not, my therapist said I was and I burst into tears because it feels like a lie. I can't say I'm innocent because it upsets me. Everything is just a mess, I'm trying so hard not to ruminate and I just end up doing it over and over, trying to tell myself I don't need to know but then it keeps happening. I'm tired of thinking about it, I've been reliving this night out constantly for months when in the past I didn't give it much thought at all. But at that time I was obsessed with my partner cheating. Why can't everything just be easy, if I knew for sure I'd own up and would have done long ago. 

Edited by Headwreck
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