Can obsessing about OCD be counterproductive?

[Ryukil]

So, I just returned to the states from Germany. I came back earlier than planned, partly due to bad anxiety and partly due to the fact that my friend, who I sort of have feelings for, is dating some other guy and seeing them together was making me pretty angry. Just being honest.

However, now I sort of wish I had stayed another couple weeks as originally planned. It is too late now, but my OCD is worse when I am at home. When I am at home, I start trying to figure out which approach to take for my OCD...I am sure you all remember me obsessing about therapy, or a residential program, or applying self-help, and all that. When I was in Germany, I was barely reading about OCD at all and I wasn't pressuring myself to really tackle my compulsions or anything. So, I felt fairly relaxed over there, except when worried about physical contamination (which was often).

So, I might have shot myself in the foot by leaving after 2 weeks instead of the originally planned 4. However, I was quite anxious and even suicidal there. Well, I am probably suicidal in general. But, it was nice to not have to think about whether I was going to go back to therapy, or do self-help, or go to the hospital, even though my original plan was to try and decide one of these while there. However, with my OCD, it is like thinking about these things in a productive way is impossible because it is all obsessive.

Can I ask you guys...and maybe I will make another thread about this...if I am obsessing about a decision, how can I make a decision without obsessing about it? If you know what I mean? I do need to decide on a course of treatment, but thinking about it seems totally counterproductive.

But anyway...maybe I should actually ban myself from reading about OCD for a few weeks, and try to stop myself from "solving" the problem (trying to decide which treatment to do). Then maybe I can think about everything more clearly because it won't be obsessive.

[PolarBear]

I agree. Stay away from all things OCD for a while.

Edited June 15, 2018 by PolarBear

[Wonderer]

Obsessing about anything is counterproductive. If I were in your predicament I would literally pick a course of action, even if I wasn’t sure, and go with it. You will never make a decision if OCD is in the mix, you won’t come up with a definite plan because doubt will always be there. Just do it. 

[Orwell1984]

On 15/06/2018 at 02:57, Ryukil said:

if I am obsessing about a decision, how can I make a decision without obsessing about it? 

It is very hard and I think it is nigh on impossible if you don't distance yourself from it. Polar bear suggests staying away for all things OCD for a while. I agree with this. More time outside of the mind would be the best thing at the moment. Build up the serotonin levels in your brain by doing things that are rewarding and preferably outside so you can get vitamin D. Both are conducive to brain function and it will be easier to make a decision then (in a month say) and the thought process won't be as sticky or fraught with fear. 

 

So 'be external' and adopt a 'this does not need deciding now' approach to the alarm bells that come with the thoughts and questions. You will be more receptive to any therapy when you are in a less internal, less mentally sticky mode.

Edited June 16, 2018 by Orwell1984

[Ryukil]

Should I go back to my therapist? However, I'm afraid the same exact thing as last time would just reoccur, and I don't want to go through all that again. It's either return to him, work through self-help books (trying to read Break Free From OCD right now), or go to that hospital. Or, I could try and find a different therapist.

I should be fed up here. I mean, I am. But I should be willing to do what my therapist tells me, I should be willing to take whatever steps are necessary to get over this problem once and for all! I want to enjoy my life, damn it!

[St Mike]

Given your past history with the therapist and self-help, I would say going to the hospital would be a better option. A residential programme could possibly give more structure and  receives less distraction as compared to the other 2 options. Face to face advice and assistance will also be more readily available too. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

No point in going back if you are not 100% motivated and admit/can see what you were doing in the past. 

[Orwell1984]

7 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

It is very hard and I think it is nigh on impossible if you don't distance yourself from it. Polar bear suggests staying away for all things OCD for a while. I agree with this. More time outside of the mind would be the best thing at the moment. Build up the serotonin levels in your brain by doing things that are rewarding and preferably outside so you can get vitamin D. Both are conducive to brain function and it will be easier to make a decision then (in a month say) and the thought process won't be as sticky or fraught with fear. 

 

So 'be external' and adopt a 'this does not need deciding now' approach to the alarm bells that come with the thoughts and questions. You will be more receptive to any therapy when you are in a less internal, less mentally sticky mode.

I guess you didn't read this then. Check yourself into a hospital because it doesn't look like you will try the option of dropping the spade for a month.

Edited June 16, 2018 by Orwell1984

[Ryukil]

No, I got ya. I feel like I will try to just drop it all for a week or two at the very least.

Someone linked me this article which describes exactly what I have been doing: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/stacey-kuhl-wochner-lcsw-on-the-solving-ritual-in-ocd/

Edited June 16, 2018 by Ryukil

[Wonderer]

Hey, hospital can be a wonderful thing for some, people who are completely consumed to the point of not functioning, you were able to go to Germany, yes u cut it short but that was a real achievement. I think with hospital, the issue is, how would u cope once out? I think doing therapy as an outpatient gives us more chance of carrying on our therapy and our lives simultaneously, cutting out that feeling of being overwhelmed once we get out. Not everyone is willing to do what their therapist tells them to do first time around,  it’s very scary and challenging, thing is, u just gotta keep on trying! Most of my recovery came after therapy was over, when I felt ready to take the bull by the horns and put the work in that my therapist had advised me to do, when I was ready, and thank goodness I did, my life is night and day to this time 2yrs ago! Therapy literally teaches us how to become our own therapist. It’s not a quick fix, it’s a slow and painful process but one that is worth it.x

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I don't think hospital is the solution in this case. Sad thing is that expertise on OCD are not common at every hospital atleast not in Sweden and they tend to have this approach that they keep you so you will survive. Maybe one gets benzo for anxiety. It is not like you get intensive OCD-therapy when you are there, even if it could be the perfect place to get it, but once again, the expertise is simply not there. 

No, in this case it is all about finding that motivation, Ryukil is stuck in this notion of getting the perfect therapy.

Edited June 16, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Ryukil]

It is a hospital specifically for OCD. The OCD Institute at McLean Hospital.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

7 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

It is a hospital specifically for OCD. The OCD Institute at McLean Hospital.

That is good, do they keep you against your will? I mean can you leave on your own? 

Sadly, i don't think it is the solution, OCD is tricky enough but you are stuck in those obsessions about therapy. If something big haven't happened with your attitude against your own obsessions.

Edited June 16, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Ryukil]

Yeah, you can leave on your own.

[taurean]

For me the hospital sounds better. Individual therapists do tend to be very focused on what they believe to be right and I personally didn't agree with that focus he had, and that you found upsetting. 

I have found the information I was given that, with such things as harm OCD, the OCD targets one or more of our true core values - and suggests we might act opposite to them - to be a better approach. 

But do now try and get yourself refocused away from thinking about your OCD. 

I spend sometimes a couple of hours a day on here seeking to help others. It's only during that time that I think about OCD. 

[Ryukil]

By the way, is it an obsession that I can't do any kind of exposure exercises without having a therapist? I used to do exposure exercises on my own, and while I was mostly unsuccessful, there were times when I was successful. However, since Fall of last year I have had the idea stuck in my mind that I can't do any kind of exposures without currently being in therapy. So, for instance, since one of my obsessions is re-reading sentences and stuff in books, I can't attempt to read a book without going back because doing that is technically an exposure and I don't have a therapist.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Yes and before you thought that getting over OCD would be easier when you could recover by doing self-help. And now the OCD are telling you that you need therapy. I hope you are starting to see the scam here. 

[Ryukil]

Yeah. Wish I could just decide which of my many options is the right path.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I am afraid that too would be OCD in your case. Trying to figure it out. 

Getting into therapy while you are aware and refuse to buy into it is the solution here. It will give you huge anxiety.

[Ryukil]

Actually, I think trying to make a decision, being so hard on myself and thinking "you need to get over this problem or your life will be totally ruined," or "you need to make a decision now" is actually adding fuel to the fire. I think I need to be easier on myself, actually. Does this make any sense? Because I am so desperate to get better, I'm running around in circles obsessively trying to make the right decision, but focusing so much on it is just ramping up my anxiety which makes the obsessing worse and my thinking more and more unclear.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Just now, Ryukil said:

Actually, I think trying to make a decision, being so hard on myself and thinking "you need to get over this problem or your life will be totally ruined," or "you need to make a decision now" is actually adding fuel to the fire. I think I need to be easier on myself, actually. Does this make any sense? Because I am so desperate to get better, I'm running around in circles obsessively trying to make the right decision, but focusing so much on it is just ramping up my anxiety which makes the obsessing worse and my thinking more and more unclear.

Actually i disagree, i don't think it is to be easier on yourself to avoid confronting those obsessions. It will not make you free from OCD. I actually see a danger in you procrastinate the choice, i procrastinate a lot myself. 

You don't need to sit around waiting on the perfect therapy and the reason you are getting anxious is because you are telling your OCD that you will just go with one choice. It is possible that this will ruin your life, if you mean that one's life is ruined because one have OCD. I don't think so, but you will have a lot of dreadful anxiety which you could have avoided.

[Ryukil]

If I go back to therapy right now, I will just want to quit again and start thinking my therapist's methods are too extreme. I don't want to go back yet, really.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

1 minute ago, Ryukil said:

If I go back to therapy right now, I will just want to quit again and start thinking my therapist's methods are too extreme. I don't want to go back yet, really.

It will not change. I am sorry man but you need to change it will force, you need to go against your will. It is actually not your will, it is your OCD. 

You probably know how we all need to go against what we feel and think, so in your case it have latch onto therapy, so you need to go against your thoughts about therapy, and that will create feelings (no pleasant feelings) and you need to ignore the feelings, not letting them fool you. 

[Ryukil]

Going back right now would be a disaster. It would just be a repeat of what already happened. I will consider going back in the near future, but I need to somehow get to a point where I am resolved to stick in, no matter the overwhelming doubts that it is the wrong choice, and try my best to follow what he says. As you said earlier in this thread, there is no point in going back unless I am 100 % motivated and can see what I was doing wrong in the past and stop it.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I totally agree man. But seriously we are wasting our time to OCD. You are no exception