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paco5959

Vacation Ruined/Need Support

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Vacation Ruined/Need some support 

 

I waited all year for my vacation to NC with my family... 2 years into dating my current boyfriend of now 4 years, approx. 3 guilt/obsessions popped into my head. All related to a feeling/convinced I cheated. One obsession/guilt is left (i confessed to my partner the other two, one was no big deal (i touched someone’s leg while in a heartfelt conversation and thinking back on it contorted it into a grope) and, the other was one of those “why did you tell me that” situations. Diagnosed with OCD in middle school, I’m 31 this week.. and my OCD has morphed throughout the years, and now it has nestled itself into my very healthy relationship (a first for me). I obsess now about the end of my previous marriage and the beginning of my now relationship and if my actions were “cheating” in this grey area of transition. 

 

Maybe 1 month into casually dating/seeing my now serious BF of 4 years, i was separated from my then husband and had just divorced around the same time I started seeing this new guy (not planned, obviously) and my cat unexpectedly died and i was hysterical. I called my ex husband to come and remove some cat things as I barely knew this new guy and I was just in a completely different head space. I remember him coming in, me falling to the floor in tears, him putting me on the bed so I wasn’t on the floor, I remember being grossed out he was even there as he patted my back, and i asked him to take the items... now in my brain, pops that “omg did I have sex with him!?”. I would think i would remember this, considering I remember the beginning of the encounter. I know they say false memory is a big thing with OCD, relationship guilt.. but i get afraid to try and remember that day exactly because when I do thank I start imagining sex and it seems possibly real. 

 

I feel like a normal person wouldn’t think twice about this, right? This obsession was GONE, I was sure i conquered it.. it was no big deal anymore! but then right as I got on the plane to my vacation, it popped back in and I had that guttural sick reaction that I cheated. It’s the same guilt as if I had slept with a man yesterday 4 years in! Not an ex helping me in a situation where I barely new my new guy. Why can’t I rationalize this? I practice distractions all the time! This popping up again is so bad for me because it makes me feel like I need to tell him to make it go away. 

 

Please, If someone can provide me with some words of encouragement or something.. i don’t want to strain this relationship I have that is so sacred with nonsense! But it feels so important and not nonsense.. I’m about to get on my plane to go back to my BF and we’re going to a cabin for my birthday. I’ve had it so hard and this should be the highlight of my year, I don’t want to be looking at him at dinner thinking something that he probably wouldn’t even care about. 

Edited by paco5959

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I know the seasoned OCD folks say ignore the thought or be okay with not knowing.. but it’s the “not knowing” that is night and day between confessing or not. Even though I what I did doesn’t require a confession?.. ugh!...

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Hiya:)

I'm really sorry OCD gatecrashed your holiday, but it doesn't automatically follow it will affect your b'day, how you decide to handle this from now on can play a large part as to whether it does or not.

Option 1) Dance to the OCD's tune and confess the thought (and that's what this is, an intrusive thought) to your b/f and the great time you should be having might not be as great as it should be, or...

Option 2) Let the thought go, you don't have to do anything to be rid of it or the anxiety, just let both fizzle and float away naturally......

OCD's a big con, it says do this or that compulsion one more time and you'll be free forever....and it actually ensures the very opposite, both the niggling pesky thought and anxiety stick around more.

Recognize the thought for what it is - intrusive trash and acknowledge you suffer from thevcruel anxiety disorder that is OCD.

I know it's so easy for me to say all that, the anxietyvcan be absolutely overwhelming at times...but it will pass by itself if you let it and by actively choosing to shift your focus to what's genuinely important - having a whale of a b'day with your b/f:)

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On 20/06/2018 at 18:30, Hal said:

Hiya:)

I'm really sorry OCD gatecrashed your holiday, but it doesn't automatically follow it will affect your b'day, how you decide to handle this from now on can play a large part as to whether it does or not.

Option 1) Dance to the OCD's tune and confess the thought (and that's what this is, an intrusive thought) to your b/f and the great time you should be having might not be as great as it should be, or...

Option 2) Let the thought go, you don't have to do anything to be rid of it or the anxiety, just let both fizzle and float away naturally......

OCD's a big con, it says do this or that compulsion one more time and you'll be free forever....and it actually ensures the very opposite, both the niggling pesky thought and anxiety stick around more.

Recognize the thought for what it is - intrusive trash and acknowledge you suffer from thevcruel anxiety disorder that is OCD.

I know it's so easy for me to say all that, the anxietyvcan be absolutely overwhelming at times...but it will pass by itself if you let it and by actively choosing to shift your focus to what's genuinely important - having a whale of a b'day with your b/f:)

Thank you for your kind words! 

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