How do I get motivated to recover?

[Ryukil]

I think some things are falling into place...I'm realizing that recovery is not supposed to be easy, but that going through high anxiety is incredibly worth it in order to get to the other side. Also, it's like I'm trying to find some method of recovery that involves as little anxiety as possible, but that's stupid. I'm going to have to learn to tolerate high anxiety.

I really, really want to recover. I need to. I asked my mother to call my former therapist in order to ask him what to do...if I should go to the hospital for residential treatment, try therapy with him again, etc. While this was probably a compulsion, I thought having someone who was not wrapped up in obsessive-compulsive symptoms about what approach to take talking to an OCD professional about my situation would be a good idea.

He said the hospital was great, and was impressed that my insurance would cover it, but he thinks what I need to do is get on medication so that I can "grip my thoughts." You know, because if I commit to any treatment approach I immediately start doubting it. So, now we're trying to get into contact with this specialist in NYC who knows a lot about OCD and is apparently very good at seeing the patterns in peoples' medication histories. Nothing has ever really worked for me, but hopefully this guy can find something, or some combination of medications.

I really need to recover. I'm so tired of this. At the same time, I feel like I've become "obsessed with recovery." Instead of just trying little exposures here and there on my own, I've become so obsessed with going to therapy and doing it exactly, or going to this hospital. I really, really don't know what to do. But I know I'm tired of wasting my life. I want to live, finally. I deserve it.

If I go back to therapy, it's going to be incredibly difficult to hang in there. Also, I'm still not sure my therapist's very intense methodology is the only way to recover from OCD. I do think it's okay to essentially "ignore" thoughts a la Break Free From OCD, or say "maybe" they're true instead of "the definitely are true and these thoughts represent my inner character."

But I also think...beggars can't be choosers. I can't split hairs on subtle variations of ERP, I need to just commit to something and do it. I can't let this go on. In some strange way, though, I think my determination to beat it is part of the problem. Maybe I need to look into ACT for OCD. I'm so tired of this though. I often contemplate suicide, to be totally honest (don't worry, I'm not going to). 

[taurean]

Well Ryukil, this is maybe the most beneficial question you have asked. 

And a thread that just might help others. 

Recovery is not a journey that simply requires us to try to do things. The word "try"  itself has no commitment - I might try to find time to answer a few threads on the forum. It's too easy to find reasons not to do so, and fail to. 

Recovery is achieved by those that commit to making it happen, whatever the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" that are thrown at them along the way. If you look at the reasons given by those that report in with their success stories, this is a constant. 

Let's have no delusions - once OCD has us in its grip, and our brain has settled into unhelpful learned responses and behaviours, re-educating  it into new responses and behaviours will be a challenge - but the end prize is so well worth the effort. 

We can recover our zest and enthusiasm for life. 

We will want to socialise, and people will want to integrate with us. 

We will be able to work, raise money to support ourselves and our families. 

We can enjoy, as I do, the wonder of sharing our experiences to help others, without ourselves being a burden upon them. 

And the sheer joy of waking up to a new day, happy and wanting to get started, feeling well and rested after a good night's sleep, is priceless. 

So there are a few motivational reasons to get the thread going. 

Edited June 24, 2018 by taurean

[Wonderer]

I think being motivated to recover comes when u are just so fed up of your life and admit to yourself that it won’t change unless u do something about it. I think those around us can be our motivation too, for example I felt so guilty all the time not doing all the things I used to do with my partner and children that I just knew something had to give. Are others affected by ur OCD? If so, use that! X

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

"I think my determination to beat it is part of the problem"

No. Your OCD wants to find the perfect therapy. I am sorry Ryukil but i don't really see a change here. And don't involve your mom, bad decision.

Edited June 24, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[St Mike]

6 hours ago, Wonderer said:

I think being motivated to recover comes when u are just so fed up of your life and admit to yourself that it won’t change unless u do something about it.

I agree with Wonderer.

I really hate the way OCD wrecked so many wonderful moments in my life that had occurred between onset and recovery. There is this one moment etched in my memory and there it remains till this day. It occurred at the time, I was having dinner with a girl I liked so much. It was the perfect evening, the ambience, the food at the restaurant, everything was perfect, it was so romantic but I simply couldn't concentrate on spending time with her. I was performing mental compulsions - confessing to heaven while trying to eat and trying to hold a conversation. It really spoiled the moment. I couldn't live and enjoy in that magical moment right then and there. That magical moment was totally WASTED and destroyed by OCD.

OCD is not only debilitating, just see what it did to Howard Hughes, but it also takes away the joy, the magic during those special moments. You can't fully immerse yourself in that magical moment as you attention is focus on the guilt, doubt, anxiety and performing compulsions. You can't live the moment as they say. These are a couple of examples I have come across while reading sufferers' personal accounts of how OCD has affected their lives, over the years.  E.g first dates, while making love during the wedding night, just before the birth of their child or grandchild, celebrating a wedding anniversary, important ceremonies etc.

I certainly didn't want OCD to be there and bear witness to and ruin the important and most magical moments of my life. OCD is a party pooper, a spoiler and an utter killjoy. I have stronger language to describe it but I guess it wouldn't make it pass the moderators.

So now, the question is:

Do you want OCD to bear witness to and be present at the most important and magical moments of your life?

[Ryukil]

6 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

"I think my determination to beat it is part of the problem"

No. Your OCD wants to find the perfect therapy. I am sorry Ryukil but i don't really see a change here. And don't involve your mom, bad decision.

My determination to beat it in exactly the correct way, while feeling as little anxiety as possible, is part of the problem. But I mean, don't tell me that me researching methods, constantly trying to figure out how to beat my anxiety, isn't part of the problem. It definitely is. It's compulsive.

[taurean]

Basically you need to :

Cut out those unhelpful compulsions. Compulsions appear to be helpful in order to ease anxiety - but in fact they give belief to, connect with, the obsessive thoughts, making them stronger and more frequent. 

Making choices is all about considering possible options

reviewing workable ones

choosing what then seems to be the best one  

implementing it 

dismissing all anxiety about the outcome. 

A short sensible practical methodology. 

A realistic motivational goal would be to chip away at those compulsions to aim at trimming decision-making down to these essential elements. 

 

[St Mike]

One more thing I would like to add is the joy of being free from all the nonsense and irrationality, is one of the sweetest things I have ever experienced after recovery.

Though, all I wanted to do was to get back to the state before OCD, what I got was so much more than my old life back.

My life became even so much better with all the additional stuff I did to improve my mind and body such as exercise, meditation, abstaining from alcohol and good mental habits.

Life is now so sweet and I have never been happier.

Perhaps the promise of a life even better than one you had before OCD could be a motivating factor to push you towards taking steps towards recovery. 

 

Edited June 25, 2018 by St Mike