Fear of Depression???

[floracia]

Hello, 

I'm an 18 year old girl with OCD (and generalised anxiety) which mostly manifests as a fear of dying or going 'crazy' - a lot of my obsessions recently have been to do with mental illness. After finishing my exams three weeks ago I began to experience feelings of very low mood and depressive symptoms, but this coincided exactly with being hormonal so at the time I put it down to that.

However, my OCD latched on to it of course and I became terrified that I was becoming clinically depressed (I've gone through periods of feeling depressed before but it has always passed with time, I think it was situational). The specific feeling I've been experiencing is heartache, like an emotional pain centred in the chest, and general low mood and bleak thoughts (although it is for the most part a physical sensation rather than a frame of mind if that makes sense).

Now I am no longer hormonal, the mood has persisted although I have had better days than others and haven't felt constantly awful. When I've been truly distracted I have felt better. It is really distressing me and something that I think about all day. The low feelings themselves are also anxious feelings; I will feel very low and very anxious at the same time. Depression is one of my worst, worst, worst fears!! In particular the prospect of not wanting to live anymore. For a time as a child I had intrusive thoughts about this and the same concern has now resurfaced.

What I'm wondering is if its possible that I'm simply perpetuating a normal period of lowness (bought on by hormones/life/whatever) with anxious and obsessive thoughts. Has anyone experienced something similar, or can reassure me that what I'm experiencing is in fact anxiety/OCD and not depression? Is it possible to feel depressed without being clinically depressed? (By the way, the low feelings themselves have lasted for approximately two weeks, maybe a bit less - which adds to my fears!)

Thank you x

[Imhotep]

I am going through this now, so you are far from alone. OCD will do that, I had a period of low mood for a couple of days (again perfectly normal) and suddenly it's like "oh I'm depressed, if this carries on I'll end up being suicidal" and getting incredibly anxious. Been getting really negative thoughts as well, to check my response to them. But it's all rumination and doubt, rather than facts. With depression, it's a physical as well as mental illness, where you feel tired, sluggish, disconnected from reality and feeling 'not quite there': not just unpleasant thoughts. What I'm guilty of is trying to understand the thoughts with rumination, which is unhelpful and feeds the OCD. Just need to leave them alone, no need to chase them and focus on what's important, no matter how distracting or upsetting the thoughts are. It might be worth taking medication to help ease the anxiety. You'll get through it. 

[Andrewc]

15 hours ago, floracia said:

Hello, 

I'm an 18 year old girl with OCD (and generalised anxiety) which mostly manifests as a fear of dying or going 'crazy' - a lot of my obsessions recently have been to do with mental illness. After finishing my exams three weeks ago I began to experience feelings of very low mood and depressive symptoms, but this coincided exactly with being hormonal so at the time I put it down to that.

However, my OCD latched on to it of course and I became terrified that I was becoming clinically depressed (I've gone through periods of feeling depressed before but it has always passed with time, I think it was situational). The specific feeling I've been experiencing is heartache, like an emotional pain centred in the chest, and general low mood and bleak thoughts (although it is for the most part a physical sensation rather than a frame of mind if that makes sense).

Now I am no longer hormonal, the mood has persisted although I have had better days than others and haven't felt constantly awful. When I've been truly distracted I have felt better. It is really distressing me and something that I think about all day. The low feelings themselves are also anxious feelings; I will feel very low and very anxious at the same time. Depression is one of my worst, worst, worst fears!! In particular the prospect of not wanting to live anymore. For a time as a child I had intrusive thoughts about this and the same concern has now resurfaced.

What I'm wondering is if its possible that I'm simply perpetuating a normal period of lowness (bought on by hormones/life/whatever) with anxious and obsessive thoughts. Has anyone experienced something similar, or can reassure me that what I'm experiencing is in fact anxiety/OCD and not depression? Is it possible to feel depressed without being clinically depressed? (By the way, the low feelings themselves have lasted for approximately two weeks, maybe a bit less - which adds to my fears!)

Thank you x

Yeh I sometimes get very scared that my OCD will exasperate itself again, I'll end up feeling tired, and get very low, and dark.

The way I handle this, and maybe you could do the same are a couple of things.

1. Maybe go for a run to let the thoughts wash away? I promise you'll feel revitalised. Physical fitness brings mental fitness I believe and have been told.

2. I try some mindfulness techniques as well like watching my fears and anxieties pass down a leafy stream (as if the leaves are the fears) , and they eventually pass from my mind. 

3. Or try and find escapism in a good book (fiction) or movie. I find that when I read images pop up in my head of the story and I can think of that. Or when I watch a film, I sometimes think about the story and it takes my mind off my fears. Let's them pass down the leafy stream......with me watching them..

 

I hope this helps.

 

Andrew