Intrusive thoughts and general anxiety

[Snowflake]

Hi,
I mentioned a while ago that I was being made redundant. Well it hasn't happened yet. I overheard that redundancies were being made and I freaked out. This has caused me to have a rough time with my intrusive thougts and general anxiety lately. I'm having intrusive thoughts about, health, family, relationships. All this anxiety has made me lose my appetite. 
I'm feeling extremely guilty about work, in work my colleagues are all close there's myself and the Manager who a female the rest are males. We all tend to have jokes with each other, sometimes they can be inappropriate. I feel like a horrible person, because I take part in these jokes and I have a boyfriend. I feel sick.I'm a disgrace, I love my boyfriend, and I don't want anyone else but I feel like these jokes in work mean that I don't love him. I probably shouldn't take part in the jokes. Although the jokes don't mean anything, i can't help but feel horrible and I feel the need to  confess to him. 

[Wonderer]

Well that’s just classic OCD, I’ve been there before too, I had a male friend, he worked in an office and was able to chat on fbook a lot, I didn’t work and was at home alone most of the day and we talked all the time on messenger, we had some little jokes and called each other silly names etc we never talked sexually to each other or anything like that and I never thought anything of it, until years later of course, I was having a bad time with my OCD and BOOM, I felt horrible and disgusting and like I’d cheated, I did the wrong thing and eventually confessed everything to my partner, he was pretty bemused to be honest and told me to wise up, it’s just banter and everyone has it! Then my OCD latched onto him cuz I worried myself to death about what kind of banter he may be having in work!!! Typical OCD just blew everything up! Now I’m well again I don’t give either of those things a second though, you must learn to accept it as OCD even though you feel it’s a real thing, it’s not, it’s a distorted view of a real thing, totally different! Good luck xx

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Can i ask you why you are telling stories which are not true? I know why but you shouldn't allow the OCD to do that. 

[Headwreck]

I keep flitting between this sort of thing and my major concern which has been worrying me for 8 months. I didn't realise this was a common issue that people with OCD dealt with, I thought it was just me. 

[paradoxer]

33 minutes ago, Snowflake said:

Hi,
I mentioned a while ago that I was being made redundant. Well it hasn't happened yet. I overheard that redundancies were being made and I freaked out. This has caused me to have a rough time with my intrusive thougts and general anxiety lately. I'm having intrusive thoughts about, health, family, relationships. All this anxiety has made me lose my appetite. 
I'm feeling extremely guilty about work, in work my colleagues are all close there's myself and the Manager who a female the rest are males. We all tend to have jokes with each other, sometimes they can be inappropriate. I feel like a horrible person, because I take part in these jokes and I have a boyfriend. I feel sick.I'm a disgrace, I love my boyfriend, and I don't want anyone else but I feel like these jokes in work mean that I don't love him. I probably shouldn't take part in the jokes. Although the jokes don't mean anything, i can't help but feel horrible and I feel the need to  confess to him. 

Everybody's 'a disgrace'  - join the human race. Don't try to set yourself as being pure, no one is. 

[PolarBear]

Off jokes do not make someone a disgrace. Thinking that is illogical, twisted thinking.

[Orwell1984]

I have the fear of being fired as well. Personally, I abhor banter cos usually someone is being laughed at or teased or bullied. Hate how it is part of workplace life.

All you have mentioned is OCD. 

[Snowflake]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really do appreciate it. 

In my mind I'm still thinking,  I'm horrible. 

I'll give an example of the kind of things I mean. I'm a supervisor in a shop so for example if I tell one of the guys to tidy and face up the peanut for example someone will way make a joke about tidying their 'nuts', or if a packet of peanuts are on tree floor,  they'll say something like  'you want me to pick my nuts up'  at times I do laugh about it and  shrug it off. I feel bad because I sometimes have these dirty oneliners of my own, but I really don't mean anything buy them. 

But again thank you everyone for replying. I'm not going to confess to my boyfriend, because that's what my ocd wants. 

[Wonderer]

9 minutes ago, Snowflake said:

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really do appreciate it. 

In my mind I'm still thinking,  I'm horrible. 

I'll give an example of the kind of things I mean. I'm a supervisor in a shop so for example if I tell one of the guys to tidy and face up the peanut for example someone will way make a joke about tidying their 'nuts', or if a packet of peanuts are on tree floor,  they'll say something like  'you want me to pick my nuts up'  at times I do laugh about it and  shrug it off. I feel bad because I sometimes have these dirty oneliners of my own, but I really don't mean anything buy them. 

But again thank you everyone for replying. I'm not going to confess to my boyfriend, because that's what my ocd wants. 

Giving us this example is nothing more than a compulsion, most likely a way to get us to tell you how bad or ok those jokes are and a confessional compulsion to boot. Distract yourself, stop giving importance to this kind of thing!x

[Snowflake]

1 hour ago, Wonderer said:

Giving us this example is nothing more than a compulsion, most likely a way to get us to tell you how bad or ok those jokes are and a confessional compulsion to boot. Distract yourself, stop giving importance to this kind of thing!x

Thank you I agree, I feel better after giving the example, but when I feel the need to confess again. I won't give into it. Im sick of letting ocd controlling my life. I've had enough! 

[Wonderer]

10 hours ago, Snowflake said:

Thank you I agree, I feel better after giving the example, but when I feel the need to confess again. I won't give into it. Im sick of letting ocd controlling my life. I've had enough! 

It’s great that u recognised that! The compulsion is just a temporary relief that keeps the obsession alive in the long run, you can do it snowflake, I know it’s hard but it’s doable! Xx