Please any advice, success with reducing weaker compulsion seems to make the main one stronger

[GreyCat]

Hello!

I'm really struggling and I would be thankful for any advice. With help of self-help books and the advice I read here in many threads I started to reduce my compulsions. I could reduce checking the windows, doors, electric devices and cut it down to 4 times (in fact 4x4). This is still a lot but much, much less than before so that I gained quite some freedom and free time already. The anxiety is still hard to bear but getting better. And I've to continue working on the less severe compulsions since it's still more getting up, falling, getting up, falling.... than in fact walking. But while doing so I realized that one of my main compulsions, checking at work, gets worse and worse. It is as if OCD is retreating and giving up the smaller topics and is now concentrating its troops at my major problems. I'm afraid that by continuing working with the less severe compulsions I'll make my main compulsion stronger and stronger. It was always very time-consuming to check my work but it gets worse and worse and so far I was only afraid right before the check (we've to check once, it's part of the job) but now I'm afraid to even start the work due to my fear of checking it afterwards. Am I doing something wrong? Should I stop working with the less severe compulsions since if it continues like this I'll soon not be able to work any more. I would be really thankful for any advice.

My best wishes to you all!

[gingerbreadgirl]

This kind of thing has happened to me before.  I think you should carry on, but start to gradually address your compulsions around your "big" obsession too.  OCD will always look for any loophole.  Sometimes it can feel like whack-a-mole but if you keep going, and gradually address more and more of your compulsions, eventually your anxiety around all your obsessions will start to die down.  It's not unusual for OCD to get worse before it gets better.  Good luck x

[Gemma7]

Happened to me too, so you're definitely not alone

What i found helpful was to look at what the checks actually do, and why you do them. I imagine you do them to feel safe and to make sure that you've done all you can to prevent something you worry about from happening. In checking you've taken this responsibility on your shoulders. But what checking actually does is increase doubt, increase our sense of risk and also inflates our sense of responsibility. 

In reducing your compulsions (which is excellent by the way ), you've shown yourself that less compulsions, results in nothing happening, but by still doing compulsions, you still say to yourself that you should act to be safe and that it is your responsibility to do so. So in a sense being 'risky' in one part of your life (by reducing compulsions) has increased your sense of risk where you haven't stopped doing them. You also probably feel more responsibility to be sure at work, and won't take the risk further elevating the feeling of needing to check. 

My advice is, look at your compulsions, do they make you feel more or less sure, more or less safe, more or less responsible? What if you gave them all up and nothing bad happened at all?

Try to see this as a natural result of tackling OCD and fight to completely stop some of your compulsions. You'll feel uncomfortable at first but eventually you'll feel more sure and feel like there are less risks around because you'll find out that the compulsions were the problem not that there was any real danger. Reducing your compulsions but still doing them is unfortunately keeping your sense of risk up. It's really hard but you can do it 

Have you got Break free from OCD to help you set up an exposure exercise?

[GreyCat]

Hello Gingerbreadgirl and Gemma7

Thank you so much for your replies. It definitely helps to know that I'm not alone. Yes, I'm sure I have to gradually address my compulsions around my big obessions too, otherwise I'll soon be incapable to continue working. But at the moment I'm not able to also address the big obessions since reducing the less severe compulsions from 4 (4x4) is the next huge obstacle. 3 is difficult in itself because it's an uneven number (I don't even  know why), 2 (2x4) seems to be a big gap. I would be tempted to leave it as it is since I already gained quite some freedom as mentioned but I know that this will not last if I stop addressing it.

Yes, exactly as you say, I'm checking to prevent something I worry about from happening (burglary, fire, something happening to the cats) or I check that something did not happen (hitting somebody with the car). Problem is that I'm really clumsy since my mind is constantly in the past trying to remember if everything is safe so that it does not happen rarely that I'm doing the current thing wrong.Yes, I'm taking the responsibility on my shoulders but I do have it in case a fire breaks out due to me forgetting for example to switch off the stove, or if something happens to the cats due to an open window.... It's exactly as you say I feel I'm extremely risky by not checking as often as before so this seems to have increased the sense of risk at work. As you say I feel much more responsibility to be sure at work now than before and I can't reduce the compulsions there or stop them from becoming stronger. It's as if it's untouchable.

Looking at my compulsions gives 2 opposite results. All the checking compulsions at home made me feel comfortable in the end, but the time needed became more and more. Problem at work is that we've to check once since we're entering so many figures during the day that mistakes may happen. I know from experience that I find them with the first check or not at all but even knowing this the checking system around the work gets more and more complicated and longer. And opposite to checking at home I never feel comfortable.

But I think I understand what you mean that by reducing my compulsions but still doing them I'm keeping my sense of risk up. But would it mean to go from 100 to 0 with one compulsion? Is this correct? 

I'm reading "Overcoming Obessive Thoughts" at the moment. Unfortunately reading (and typing) is another problem. If I get interrupted for example by a barking dog, I've to reread the whole sentence, sometimes even chapter to be sure that I did not miss one word...  Thank you again so much for your advice. It already helps so much to know that you're not alone

[Gemma7]

Yes, in order to find out that nothing bad happens when you give up your compulsions you have to take them from 100 to 0. Preferably one at a time so you aren't overwhelmed. It will very uncomfortable to do this but understanding why you should do this is key.

You've already said that your compulsions were taking up loads of time, this is one reason to change. You deserve to live your life without the burden of doing compulsions, other people do. They aren't living in a more or less dangerous world than you and you and them are no different from each other. Also, what if they don’t prevent anything bad happening, what if you left all your windows and doors open and you weren't burgled or you weren't careful over things and instead were careless and nothing happened. Then all the compulsions would be a complete waste of time and effort and ruining your life for no reason. That's what therapy is trying to help you learn and test out. I don't know about overcoming OCD as a book, but it is the behavioural part of therapy. 

Right now the thought of not doing compulsions will be really stressful. But it's important to note that that's because now is when things feel most risky and you feel most responsible. The key is to start small. Remember, you have done well to reduce compulsions, it is a great start, but even doing one keeps your feelings high, so the situation you are in now is completely understandable  I think it helps to remember that with OCD one check always leads to more, otherwise why would any of us get worse. 

As for work, this is difficult because you are asked to check once. My advice is check once as asked but try to match what your colleagues do. How long do they check, how worried or thorough are they? You could even ask if you are close to them or feel you can. Remember to not go with the one with the highest standards, aim for the average. 

22 hours ago, GreyCat said:

Unfortunately reading (and typing) is another problem. If I get interrupted for example by a barking dog, I've to reread the whole sentence, sometimes even chapter to be sure that I did not miss one word...

This is why OCD is such a *insert swear word* because it even makes it difficult to help yourself. We all deserve a medal for putting up with it all day! This must be really hard for you but maybe this is an issue you could start with. Why does it matter if you miss a word? Would you expect a similar standard from me or someone else? What's so bad about missing a word? What if you just read something and if you get interrupted, plow on regardless. So what if you miss a word, no one else is as careful and conscientiousness as you and they seem happy. Anyway it's just a thought. Hope some of this helps, I've written a lot! 

[GreyCat]

Hello Gemma7

Thank you so much for your reply. This is very helpful. I realize that I indeed made a mistake by reducing many compulsions at once and by only reducing not stopping them. I will try what you suggested, only start with one compulsion but not only reducing it but going from 100 to 0. And then doing more cognitive work.  I will have to find out why I'm so terribly afraid of a mistake, even of small mistakes like a typo. Again thank you so much, you really put me back on track. And I'll do as suggested, I'll try to match the average standard at work, I was indeed aiming for the highest standard.