Just a thought?

[Atlantis]

Last week I was shopping and at the checkout, I put my bag down too hard on the floor and smashed a bottle. I could see it had leaked onto the floor but was in a stressed mood, embarrassed and just wanted to get out of there. As I was walking out I thought I should tell someone to clean the spill in case anyone slipped. I then had the idea that I didn't want to because I wanted one of the kids behind me in the queue to slip on the puddle, hit their head on the floor and die. I found myself agreeing with this thought and left the shop without telling anyone so that scenario would happen. 

2 minutes later I got a grip on my thoughts and said to myself "stupid, I don't want anyone to die I just don't want to tell anyone about the spill" so when i got home and dropped off the beer soaked shopping, I went back and cleaned up the spill, and to check nothing had happened, then left the store again. But since then I've felt guilty, but refused the compulsion to give in and analyse it. 

OK so technically now I'm feelinig a little bit guilty but typing it out on here is more of a vent than reassurance seeking. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I was in the store this winter when i had bad anxiety and i had taken a benzo. I dropped a bag of musli on the floor and it broken, actually i put it up and it went down after i had walked away. I didn't tell anyone, so i got very much thoughts if i should pay them, laying money in their mailbox or the police would get me. 

Objectivly i should have told them, but i didn't. Move on. 

Another time there was this spot of oil on the floor and it was really slippery, i actually did told them this time, even if it wasn't my fault it was there. 

 

Sometimes we do bad decisions, we can never get full control.

 

[whitebeam]

I used to worry about people slipping on things in supermarkets......i think the first time it was when i was using hand gel and dropped some on the floor - so it was all my fault/responsibility. I can't remember what I did on that occasion but it would have involved a lot of checking (to see if it was still there) and probably informing the staff or cleaning up the spillage myself.

Even when i saw anything on a shop floor that had not been anything to do with me, it became my responsibility to prevent others' slipping....

My OCD is very much better these days and I probably wouldn't notice these things......even if I did i would be able to act in a more rational manner.

I think I will probably be cropping up on the board in all manner of places as, although my OCD is so much better, my mental health is currently pretty poor.

Take care

whitebeam x