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Great, another big contamination worry


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Apologies if this is a bit incoherent - had a general anaesthetic earlier today.

Hey, I'm sorry for the semi-frequent posting recently. Owing to a few big changes to my life, I've been exposed to my worst fears much more often than before. The main problem I have is distinguishing between real contamination threats and 'top-end' fake contamination threats caused by OCD.

I was in hospital earlier today to drain an abscess. I've already been having some worrying thoughts about contaminating other people with bacteria from the abscess (which was leaking yesterday), which I've been able to control more or less, but let's not get into that now. The REALLY worrying thing is this: when I used the bathroom in the hospital and was washing my hands, my hair gently brushed against the soap dispenser. Contamination alert!!! This didn't actually even bother me that much before I was discharged and got back home as the anaesthetic was making me feel very whoozy and I just didn't have the energy to worry, but now the anaesthetic has mostly worn off and I've thought about this some more...

It's the combination of the dirty appearance of the soap dispenser, the fact I was in a hospital ward and not a 'healthy' environment, and the fact I've been sweating a lot today which makes me feel like I've spread dangerous germs everywhere and there's still some left in my hair. I haven't washed my hair because I thought it would be good exposure, but now my anxiety is creeping back...

Really, really tired so I'll have to go to bed without washing my hair beforehand. I'll see how I feel about this tomorrow, but to be honest I might actually feel worse as the drugs wear off.

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So far I've been coping relatively well, but I am getting quite a lot of intrusive thoughts that are difficult not to engage with, e.g. "What if the person who used it before me had explosive diarrhoea and touched the whole soap dispenser?"; "What if someone else had an abscess like me, touched the pus and then spread it all over the dispenser?" (I know that touching pus doesn't guarantee infection, so this wouldn't be too bad...) I guess, since germs would likely be on my hair and all over my face right now, I'm the most 'at risk', so if nothing happens to me then it's all good?

I'm basically just having doubts about whether I should have washed my hair as soon as I got home. Was exposure really the right thing to do in this case? I'm going to have to take a shower at some point today, so that'll stop the exposure regardless.

Edited by bobfish
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Didn't want to start a new thread as it's the same theme, but another thing happened yesterday: I went to the surgery to have my dressing changed by the nurse. Once everything was finished I washed my hands and went to throw some paper towels in the bin (marked "Contaminated Items Only", which didn't help...), but unfortunately the back of my hand touched the lid of the bin as it was coming back down. I didn't want to wash my hands again so instead used some alcohol hand sanitiser and rubbed my hands, but then I had to talk to the nurse, which meant I touched the curtain as I came out of the treatment room. My hands were still wet with the sanitiser, and I hadn't had time to rub it thoroughly all over my hands, so now I'm worried that I contaminated the curtain and people might get sick as a result... Last night I had a very strong desire to go back and ask the nurse to disinfect the curtain, but I resisted it - just about.

Still feeling a bit physically sick and overwhelmed because of this incident, but now I've written it out it does sound rather silly... Just feel like I'm pushing the boundary between what does and doesn't count as real contamination.

Edited by bobfish
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Good thing that you didnt stary a new thread. Well done.

Sad thing is that OCD will switch by itself just because it really wants you to react. And what is better than something you havent got reassured about. I think you know what yiu are supposed to do

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Good for you for labelling this as silly. The one mistake you made was washing your hands at all after the nurse was done. It wasn't needed. That was likely a compulsion.

Edited by PolarBear
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Good work on not going back to the hospital. I think writing out the the experience does help to put it into perspective so long as it doesn’t  transmute into a compulsion. In your case it was therapeutic.

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Thanks for all your responses! The anxiety has died down now, especially after I typed out what was bothering me and realised how silly it sounded. I went to get my dressing changed again today, and this time I didn't wash my hands afterwards either.

I try my best not to post triggers unless they're especially bothering me, like these, because I feel like that would be a compulsion. The good news is that I'm getting a lot better now at managing my thoughts after a trigger and coping by myself. :)

Edited by bobfish
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Well done Bobfish! Keep going! You can do it, don't feed the tiger! It gives me hope. Really happy for you, one step at a time.

Cathy wife to a suffering and very distressed husband.

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