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Ocd worsening - can't take anymore


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Guest OCDhavenobrain

You let it do its thing once again!  Imagine a life without OCD, do not imagine what you have missed or what you will miss if you let it keep on going. The thing is that this will probably be extremly hard for you, because you have been in this mode for such a long period of time, but the way out of this is to do different. Small steps!


This:          :boxing:                         :data:

 

Not this:    :eek:                          :data:

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Please please hang in there. People can and do get better from very severe OCD all the time - there are many on this forum, including @PolarBear who had crippling OCD for I think 40 years and is now totally recovered and loving life.  OCD is a tough nut to crack but it is treatable and it would be such an incredible waste if you were to end your life because of it. Hang in there.  Things can get better xxx

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50 minutes ago, ThisIsNotMyIdeaOfAGoodTime said:

@bruces I think a normal, fulfilled life for those of us with severe OCD isn't possible. It's a chronic, lifelong illness. It will recur. It will come back during times of stress. We will be left by partners and friends who can't cope with our illness, we will lose jobs when we get ill, we will struggle and suffer all of our lives, more so than the normal life events that people without mental illness in general and ocd in particular have to contend with.

There will be ok periods where the ocd is bearable, but there will be relapses and we will be at the mercy of an underfunded and uncaring cmht. We have to pay for our own (very expensive) therapy or face waiting lists of over a year. 

It's completely unacceptable - the sooner there's a referendum on voluntary euthanasia in the UK, the better. I know which way I'll be voting!!

Sending you my best wishes xx

I understand where you are coming from but you have disordered thinking right now and you are wrong.

I suffered from severe OCD for 40 years. I don't now. Not a bit. I have a meaningful and happy life. No relapses in five years. 

Recovery is possible. 

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Hey, I’m so sorry ur going through this, believe me, u can get better and u can have happiness again, I noticed u said that because u have so many intrusive thoughts about different themes u can’t seem to get better because while the anxiety lessens for one then u still have the others, I also had multiple themes at one time, when I was like that I took a different approach, rather than ERP on individual fears I decided to accept and get along with my anxiety, I found once I was no longer afraid of being anxious then the less anxiety I had and the less thoughts came, so it wasn’t really any kind of exposure, just more cognitive work. I won’t say I haven’t had blips but my life is night and day to what it was. If we invite anxiety to do it’s worst rather than push it away we give it less power. Keep fighting, u can do it!xx

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Thank you to everyone for your kind words, support and encouragement. I really do appreciate you all taking the time and effort to reply to me.

I guess I just have to see what the psychs and cmht can come up with. My mum spoke with Prof David Veale's secretary today - it might be possible to get a Skype consultation with him in September. £320 though!!! If I don't eat or spend any money for the next 3.5 weeks, then my SSP should cover the costs...

Am desperately trying to cling onto the smallest semblance of hope but it just feels so dark atm.

Thank you to all you lifesavers on this forum - you truly are saving my life. Thank you xxx  

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I feel compelled to tell you this because I’ve been in a similar situation. Last year (age 38) I had to leave my child and partner and move back to my parents. I prayed every night I wouldn’t wake. The thoughts were 24 7. I had no control of my life my parents took my meds and give me daily, they made me get out of bed and eat every day. I fought with them constantly. It was awful. Like you I’ve suffered 20+ years has several huge breakdowns but this by far the worse. All I want you to know is it’s now further down the line. I’m still fighting. I’m back home and back at work. It’s hard. Very hard but please know it will pass. It’s a horrible awful thing. No one should suffer alone xx

ps my mum also didn’t understand. She would say things like “that’s enough now” I would scream at her that I couldn’t stop. She would also say it “wasn’t fair on the family”. I’m not angry with her she just doesn’t get it 

Edited by Running Lover
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I’m so sorry to hear how you have been feeling. I’ve recently been taken under the care of the mental health team due to a suicide attempt. Sending a hug ? to you. 

I have started to make my way to a more positive place through small steps and introducing activity to keep my brain occupied. 

Thinking of you. 

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I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Please get through this, you can do it for yourself and your family, you deserve better than to be beaten down by this condition. Consider speaking to the Samaritans at this time, I have in the past, and they really help with perspective at difficult moments. The OCD intrusive thoughts are not you, take small steps (day by day) to reclaim your life back. You have control of your actions, but trying to control thoughts will lead to failure (we've all been there). If you can't get an appointment with a therapist soon enough, consider using self help books in the meantime. Or find relevant YouTube videos, both have really helped me. I wish you the best, and keep us posted on the forum. * Hugs*

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I don't think we should be angry at people around us who say that things needs to change, there is no need in telling them or ourself that they don't get it. 

It is the OCD which we need to be angry at!

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Thinking of everyone struggling on here. I can relate to how awful it can feel. I've been in and out of hospital, so unwell these past few years, but I'm starting to see hope. There's hope for everyone I really believe that. 

A quote to hang on to - When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top. 

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1 hour ago, Em00 said:

Thinking of everyone struggling on here. I can relate to how awful it can feel. I've been in and out of hospital, so unwell these past few years, but I'm starting to see hope. There's hope for everyone I really believe that. 

A quote to hang on to - When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top. 

Hope from the disorder maybe but you can't take back the horrific things you may have done in the past. 

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22 minutes ago, bruces said:

Hope from the disorder maybe but you can't take back the horrific things you may have done in the past. 

Believe me, I utterly relate Bruces, utterly. But I'm trying to be more compassionate with myself and remembering that positive thoughts/behaviours etc lead to more positive feelings. I've suffered enough from my head and it needs to be different, I CHOOSE for it to be different because I can't continue the way I have been. 

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