suicide

[xxsammiexx]

Hi everyone. 

 

Its been a while since I have been on here. I know I am going to take my own life due to OCD. I can't help myself. I have weekly psychology sessions and my CBT and ERP keeps getting stopped due to me not being stable enough. My psychiatrist has tried to prescribe medication but I have an intrusive thought that medication causes drug addiction ( no amount of reassurance changes this, my mum had addictions and took her own life ) my brain screams to myself I will become a drug addict if I go near it. I'm constantly being admitted for overnight care due to my feelings and the feelings I tell my psychologist. My OCD dominates every part of me from the moment I wake till the moment I sleep ( I don't sleep longer than 3 hours per night now and have stopped eating ) even when I was doing ERP I was failing. I think I have ran out of options. Is there anything I have missed? Anything else I can try that is not therapy or medication? I can not and will not carry on living like this. I am going to stop it with suicide if I cannot help myself. 

[Skullpops]

Hi Sammie, 

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're so deep in despair. Please know there are plenty people here on the forum willing to support you. 

I have been where you are my lovely. In hospital, not eating and all the other awful stuff that goes with it. 

I'm sorry to hear you lost your Mum. 

Have you spoke to anyone about your fear of addiction and this is why you're very reluctant to take meds? 

[changemynametosomething]

Stop for a bit.

i know you have written this because you want to stop the pain, not because you want to die.

i know this because i also have thoughts of suicide now and then. Not even that: maybe i will.. but this: «omg i cannot anymore, i need to do it right now!» thing, and ive been to the emergencyroom more than five times the last year/years due to this. 

It can get better. The pain you are feeling right now is so much to bear that you might commit suicide, and that is something to take very seriusly. It has nothing to do with «you are taking the easy way out», it is because our brain only can take so much before we have to do something.

can you please try some more before you do something?

the only tip from me right now is exersise. And please contact me on pm, i really want to speak to you:)

[cookiemonster]

I have experienced similar thoughts. Recently I failed at a Suicide attempt. Things can get better. I am trying to keep myself busy with exercise and activities to reduce my time spent over thinking. I have found attending support groups helpful - meeting people who have similar struggles and who are very kind and supportive.

[helen10937]

I feel the same

[worriedjohn]

I have experienced what u r experiencing right now. And making things even worst, I live in a Asian country with no treatment facility for mental illness like OCD. Everyone makes joke of a person with any kind of mental illness in my country. So u may realize that I am in much worst place than you. But I am still fighting with OCD and will fight till my last breath. There are lot people who are also suffering like that.  Never think you are alone. So never surrender before this evil disorder. Time is more powerful even than OCD. Have CBT from good therapist, keep working, a time may come will will be in recovery and remember this moment and think "how silly I was that time".

 

Edited July 13, 2018 by worriedjohn

[bruces]

I feel your pain,your not alone xxx 

[PolarBear]

I would love if you could sit back, detach from your thoughts and read what you wrote with a critical mind.

You won't take meds because you think you might get addicted but you are considering ending your life. Get that? Addiction is bad but dying isn't. Does that make any kind of sense to you?

SSRIs are not addictive but they can be a bear to come off of. That has to be done slowly and under a doctor's supervision. That's the truth.