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11 hours ago, lostinme said:

Bless you, you are such a sweet lady with such heartfelt reply’s :)

I was extremely embarrassed to share this but I’m so glad I did, I havnt broke down once today which is a good sign that I did the right thing. Each reply as resignated with me in one way or another and I’ve took on board all the great advice given so hopefully I will get through this and come out the other side stronger from it :yes:

Hope you are fit and well and working hard on your road to recovery xx

Bless you Lost.

I'm so glad that you're so glad that you shared. That's so good that you hadn't broken down at all yesterday, that is the perfect sign that you did the right thing. You will get through this and you'll come out the other side even stronger. Don't listen to the OCD lies. 

I'm ok thank you, a lot going on, but I'll get there.

I hope today is an even better day for you Lost. Be kind to yourself. Xxx

Edited by Emsie
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21 hours ago, angels said:

Lost you seem to be doing a really great job of going out and socializing all this is a sign you are better you have faced all your fear and ignored the OCD thoughts which is great getting dressed up and feeling good about yourself is also a good sign of recovery. I totally get the way you want to support others also and not feel like your back sliding. Your OCD wants you to belive you have done something wrong which you have not. Your daughter and partner have triggered you by their comments and because this is an OCD topic it has made your ocd go through the roof. It's knocked you have a good sleep and get on track with you techniques ignore the doubt and the comments made by partner my other half says things all the time and if it triggers me I ignore him. You are on the right path by getting on with your life. Try to see it as ocd and keep going hope you feel better soon x

Thank you angels for your kind reply and well wishes :)

I was doing so well before this knock back but thanks to all my forum friends here I’m really glad to say that today I’ve felt in a much better place and I will soon feel ready to climb back up the ladder again :yes:

Hope you are doing ok too x 

 

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10 hours ago, Emsie said:

Bless you Lost.

I'm so glad that you're so glad that you shared. That's so good that you hadn't broken down at all yesterday, that is the perfect sign that you did the right thing. You will get through this and you'll come out the other side even stronger. Don't listen to the OCD lies. 

I'm ok thank you, a lot going on, but I'll get there.

I hope today is an even better day for you Lost. Be kind to yourself. Xxx

Thank you Emsie it’s been a better day for me today, the cloud is slowly lifting and I can start to see again. I keep slipping back to doubting myself but I’m trying to be positive and remember what all you guys have advised me to do and trying to work my CBT again. One day at a time and hopefully I will get back to where I was before this. 

Sorry to hear you have a lot going on at the moment, but you will get there no worries ? xx

Take care of yourself and thank you so much for your well wishes x

 

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1 minute ago, lostinme said:

Thank you Emsie it’s been a better day for me today, the cloud is slowly lifting and I can start to see again. I keep slipping back to doubting myself but I’m trying to be positive and remember what all you guys have advised me to do and trying to work my CBT again. One day at a time and hopefully I will get back to where I was before this. 

Sorry to hear you have a lot going on at the moment, but you will get there no worries ? xx

Take care of yourself and thank you so much for your well wishes x

 

Hi Lost, 

That’s such good news that you’ve had a better day and you can start to see again. I’m so pleased for you. 

I’m afraid the doubts will come, that’s the nature of the beast, but keep doing what you’re doing with your CBT and keeping positive and you will get there. 

You're so right, one day at a time. And look after yourself too with good food and good sleep. You will get back to where you were and this will fade in to nothing because it is all falsehoods. I know that’s easy for me to say but we can see ocd a mile off when it isn’t our obsession. 

Thank you, I will get there too. 

You're so welcome lovely lady, take care too and all my best wishes to you. Xxx

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I want to say a massive thank you to all you guys my forum friends for taking the time to answer my post and offer me so much support and advice  when I needed it the most. You have all been phenomenal and helped me so much for which I am sincerely grateful because with out you guys I don’t know what I would have done. I’ve got a way to get back to where I was before but I need to learn to trust and believe in myself again. I’m so pleased I plucked up the courage to share this now because if I hadn’t I would have still been falling. 

Thank you so so much for helping me through this, you are all truly amazing inspirational people to whom I have the pleasure of knowing. 

Some words can just never say enough but thank you so much to everyone x 

 

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33 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Hi Lost, 

That’s such good news that you’ve had a better day and you can start to see again. I’m so pleased for you. 

I’m afraid the doubts will come, that’s the nature of the beast, but keep doing what you’re doing with your CBT and keeping positive and you will get there. 

You're so right, one day at a time. And look after yourself too with good food and good sleep. You will get back to where you were and this will fade in to nothing because it is all falsehoods. I know that’s easy for me to say but we can see ocd a mile off when it isn’t our obsession. 

Thank you, I will get there too. 

You're so welcome lovely lady, take care too and all my best wishes to you. Xxx

Thank you Emsie your such a sweet kind lady :)

Im trying my hardest in putting back into practice what I’ve learnt a long my journey, but as you know at times it can be hard. I’m concentrating on my mood lifting a little first, this has really dragged me down and then my pet guinea pig died which really as upset me and my daughter as gone away totally on her own for the very first time to a university hours away for a full week in accommodation on her own, it’s so so hard when she is only sixteen, so feeling a little anxious about this :( I will hopefully start to rebuild my behavioural work as soon as i can. 

Take care of yourself flower, best wishes as always xx

 

 

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29 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Thank you Emsie your such a sweet kind lady :)

Im trying my hardest in putting back into practice what I’ve learnt a long my journey, but as you know at times it can be hard. I’m concentrating on my mood lifting a little first, this has really dragged me down and then my pet guinea pig died which really as upset me and my daughter as gone away totally on her own for the very first time to a university hours away for a full week in accommodation on her own, it’s so so hard when she is only sixteen, so feeling a little anxious about this :( I will hopefully start to rebuild my behavioural work as soon as i can. 

Take care of yourself flower, best wishes as always xx

 

 

Bless you lost, thank you, you are so lovely too. 

I do know how hard it is. I’ve fallen down deep holes recently and done all the wrong things. I’m hoping that I can learn from these mistakes though to prevent things in the future. It’s only afterwards that I see that everything was unnecessary. 

I think that’s a really good plan to focus on lifting your mood a bit first. I’m so very sorry to hear about your pet guinea pig. It’s very hard loosing beloved pets. I can totally understand that you’re feeling anxious about your daughters trip away too. She’ll have plenty of support there and you’re on the end of a phone too. It will be so lovely for you to see her when she gets home and you can hear all about her trip. 

Start rebuilding your behavioural work when you’re ready. Don’t push yourself too hard. As you said, take one day at a time. 

Thank you, take care too and please know that you can do this lovely lady. Rest well tonight and take it easy tomorrow and wishing you another better day. Xxx

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20 hours ago, Emsie said:

Bless you lost, thank you, you are so lovely too. 

I do know how hard it is. I’ve fallen down deep holes recently and done all the wrong things. I’m hoping that I can learn from these mistakes though to prevent things in the future. It’s only afterwards that I see that everything was unnecessary. 

I think that’s a really good plan to focus on lifting your mood a bit first. I’m so very sorry to hear about your pet guinea pig. It’s very hard loosing beloved pets. I can totally understand that you’re feeling anxious about your daughters trip away too. She’ll have plenty of support there and you’re on the end of a phone too. It will be so lovely for you to see her when she gets home and you can hear all about her trip. 

Start rebuilding your behavioural work when you’re ready. Don’t push yourself too hard. As you said, take one day at a time. 

Thank you, take care too and please know that you can do this lovely lady. Rest well tonight and take it easy tomorrow and wishing you another better day. Xxx

Bless you, don’t worry about that, we have all done that in the early stages of CBT it’s all part of the learning process, if we didn’t make mistakes we wouldn’t learn a great deal, it’s through how mistakes that teach us how or where we could have done things differently. So keep going flower you can do this :) 

Hope you’ve had a good day xx

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30 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Bless you, don’t worry about that, we have all done that in the early stages of CBT it’s all part of the learning process, if we didn’t make mistakes we wouldn’t learn a great deal, it’s through how mistakes that teach us how or where we could have done things differently. So keep going flower you can do this :) 

Hope you’ve had a good day xx

Bless you Lost, thank you so much. You are absolutely right as I can now see where I went wrong and what I could have done differently. Thank you so much for your support.

It’s been ok today thank you. I hope you’ve had another better day. Xxx

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3 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Bless you Lost, thank you so much. You are absolutely right as I can now see where I went wrong and what I could have done differently. Thank you so much for your support.

It’s been ok today thank you. I hope you’ve had another better day. Xxx

Glad it’s been a decent day for you Emsie, mine has been pretty decent too. I’m slowly trying to get back into things again, I’ve made myself two cuppas which is a good start, obviously I still get that new doubt now, but what if? But I’m trying to take on board the great advice I’ve  recieved here and using the tools I’ve learnt through CBT so hopefully I will be able to get back to where I was again pretty soon xx

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1 minute ago, lostinme said:

Glad it’s been a decent day for you Emsie, mine has been pretty decent too. I’m slowly trying to get back into things again, I’ve made myself two cuppas which is a good start, obviously I still get that new doubt now, but what if? But I’m trying to take on board the great advice I’ve  recieved here and using the tools I’ve learnt through CBT so hopefully I will be able to get back to where I was again pretty soon xx

Thank you, Lost. 

Thats such amazing news, Lost, I’m so pleased for you. There will be doubts, but you’ve come so so far and you have all the tools and experience to cast them aside. I can ‘hear’ it in what you’ve typed that you are feeling better. You sound really positive, so chuffed for you. Xxx

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1 hour ago, Emsie said:

Thank you, Lost. 

Thats such amazing news, Lost, I’m so pleased for you. There will be doubts, but you’ve come so so far and you have all the tools and experience to cast them aside. I can ‘hear’ it in what you’ve typed that you are feeling better. You sound really positive, so chuffed for you. Xxx

Bless you my lovely, your a such a sweet lady :)

I don’t give up easily but I felt absolutely devastated with this, as far as to say worse than I had felt for a long long time and I really couldn’t see no way out, but thanks to everyone here I can slowly start to rebuild myself back up again :) xx

Hope you have a good day tomorrow x

 

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23 hours ago, lostinme said:

Bless you my lovely, your a such a sweet lady :)

I don’t give up easily but I felt absolutely devastated with this, as far as to say worse than I had felt for a long long time and I really couldn’t see no way out, but thanks to everyone here I can slowly start to rebuild myself back up again :) xx

Hope you have a good day tomorrow x

 

Thank you so much, Lost. You are so lovely too. 

You are so strong, I know how much it devastated you and yet you’re now rebuilding yourself up again. I hope you’ve had another better day. Your strength and determination is inspiring for us all. 

Thank you, I had a good day today. My daughters first sports day, she’s only 3 and just started nursery. It was so sweet. 

Rest well tonight and wishing you a good day tomorrow. Xxx

Edited by Emsie
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1 minute ago, Emsie said:

Thank you, I had a good day today. My daughters first sports day, she’s only 3 and just started nursery. It was so sweet. 

Golly Emsie they start sports young these days :)

I think the only sport I undertook at that age was playing in the sandpit :biggrin:

I too hope it has been a better day for you lost. 

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11 hours ago, Emsie said:

Thank you so much, Lost. You are so lovely too. 

You are so strong, I know how much it devastated you and yet you’re now rebuilding yourself up again. I hope you’ve had another better day. Your strength and determination is inspiring for us all. 

Thank you, I had a good day today. My daughters first sports day, she’s only 3 and just started nursery. It was so sweet. 

Rest well tonight and wishing you a good day tomorrow. Xxx

Oh bless, such precious memories that you will cherish forever :)and plenty more to come. 

I remember my daughters first sports day, so sweet and she absolutely loved it :) it’s amazing how quick time flys and she will soon be off to uni :) So proud of her :yes: 

Hope you have a good day flower xx

 

 

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11 hours ago, taurean said:

I too hope it has been a better day for you lost. 

Bless you Roy :)

To be totally honest I’m finding it really difficult at the moment it’s more like one step forward and two steps back sadly :(

I don’t give up easily though, but everytime I try to avoid a compulsion it’s screams at me, how can you be so sure? 

Before now it’s always been just a doubt with no supporting evidence that I could actually act on one of my obsessions, this to me is like having supporting evidence that I could actually act on one? I know it doesn’t really support I acted on one of my obsessions that it could have been a mere accident and nothing more, but it’s increased that nagging doubt to the maximum % of how can I be sure? :(

But hopefully I will find a way through it, in it, around it? I never give up it’s just made it that much harder to work through :(

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20 minutes ago, lostinme said:

I don’t give up easily though, but everytime I try to avoid a compulsion it’s screams at me, how can you be so sure? 

Before now it’s always been just a doubt with no supporting evidence that I could actually act on one of my obsessions, this to me is like having supporting evidence that I could actually act on one? I know it doesn’t really support I acted on one of my obsessions that it could have been a mere accident and nothing more, but it’s increased that nagging doubt to the maximum % of how can I be sure:(

You can't be sure, but you can seek to recognise that the demand for doubt and certainty is the OCD at work, and latch on to that. 

This is I think the best technique - act "as if"  that is just the OCD at work, and gently but firmly steer your thoughts away. 

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4 hours ago, lostinme said:

Before now it’s always been just a doubt with no supporting evidence that I could actually act on one of my obsessions, this to me is like having supporting evidence that I could actually act on one? I know it doesn’t really support I acted on one of my obsessions that it could have been a mere accident and nothing more, but it’s increased that nagging doubt to the maximum % of how can I be sure? 

I think this is a typical pitfall of therapy. What you've relied upon before no longer works as a solution. In other words in the past you only had doubt no 'evidence', and you got really good at letting it go, but now you can't rely on it just being doubt to let it go.

This is often what happens when going through therapy. In therapy you work to open your life up, for you that was going out and wearing different clothes. You work hard for this, but it means that now things feel riskier. When you did compulsions and stayed safe you avoided mistakes and accidents that might make you question yourself. But in reality therapy is trying to get you back to experiencing all of these mishaps again, but this time putting the correct meaning on them, treating yourself fairly and without double standards. 

No sufferer can really avoid this happening it is inevitable, it's happened to me loads of times and it can really throw you backwards. But it's part of the learning process, it's just a really really tough part x

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11 hours ago, taurean said:

You can't be sure, but you can seek to recognise that the demand for doubt and certainty is the OCD at work, and latch on to that. 

This is I think the best technique - act "as if"  that is just the OCD at work, and gently but firmly steer your thoughts away. 

Thank you Roy, I think I have lots of work to do here, I will work out a way to mend what’s broken it will just take time and a little more effort on my part :yes:

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7 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

I think this is a typical pitfall of therapy. What you've relied upon before no longer works as a solution. In other words in the past you only had doubt no 'evidence', and you got really good at letting it go, but now you can't rely on it just being doubt to let it go.

This is often what happens when going through therapy. In therapy you work to open your life up, for you that was going out and wearing different clothes. You work hard for this, but it means that now things feel riskier. When you did compulsions and stayed safe you avoided mistakes and accidents that might make you question yourself. But in reality therapy is trying to get you back to experiencing all of these mishaps again, but this time putting the correct meaning on them, treating yourself fairly and without double standards. 

No sufferer can really avoid this happening it is inevitable, it's happened to me loads of times and it can really throw you backwards. But it's part of the learning process, it's just a really really tough part x

Thankyou Gemma, I totally understand what you are saying here, in other words I have to accept that it’s no longer just a doubt? I have to accept that it happened and deal with it differently? That’s probably what I’m finding so difficult and where I’m going wrong? the cognitive side so far is working on the what ifs, so instead possibly I should be be working through the cognitive side of the doing? 

Ive worked really hard to change my behaviours, slowly chipping away at them one by one until I no longer did the compulsions, safety seeking behaviours etc, what worries me is did I become complacent/careless? I find that worrying. 

So now I have to change my cognitive working to the doing part rather than the what if parts? Does that make sense x

 

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23 hours ago, taurean said:

Golly Emsie they start sports young these days :)

I think the only sport I undertook at that age was playing in the sandpit :biggrin:

I too hope it has been a better day for you lost. 

Hi Roy, I know! :) It was just a little race with the other nursery children. The sports day was mainly for the primary school children. The nursery is part of the school. X

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12 hours ago, lostinme said:

Oh bless, such precious memories that you will cherish forever :)and plenty more to come. 

I remember my daughters first sports day, so sweet and she absolutely loved it :) it’s amazing how quick time flys and she will soon be off to uni :) So proud of her :yes: 

Hope you have a good day flower xx

 

 

Thank you so much, Lost. 

I know, time does fly. I bet you are so proud of your daughter and her of you. 

I’m sorry you’re finding it difficult at the moment. I hope Roy’s and Gemma’s advice has helped you. You will get past this as you are so strong and determined and you never give up. I know it’s hard but you can do this.

All my best wishes Xxx

Edited by Emsie
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12 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Thank you so much, Lost. 

I know, time does fly. I bet you are so proud of your daughter and her of you. 

I’m sorry you’re finding it difficult at the moment. I hope Roy’s and Gemma’s advice has helped you. You will get past this as you are so strong and determined and you never give up. I know it’s hard but you can do this.

All my best wishes Xxx

I’m extremely proud of her and you’ve got all this to follow too, you will cherish every single moment throughout her life and that feeling you feel within your heart is the best feeling ever :yes:

Im not going to say it’s not hard because it is very hard, in fact it’s the hardest anything as hit me throughout therapy. I won’t give up because I don’t want to under any circumstances ever go back to where I was before. I know that I’m slipping backwards at the moment but I know there will be a way to work through this, I just need to find the right way to do it and I’m sure that there will be one it’s just finding what works. 

Take care of yourself, best wishes, lost xx

 

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15 hours ago, lostinme said:

Thankyou Gemma, I totally understand what you are saying here, in other words I have to accept that it’s no longer just a doubt? I have to accept that it happened and deal with it differently? That’s probably what I’m finding so difficult and where I’m going wrong? the cognitive side so far is working on the what ifs, so instead possibly I should be be working through the cognitive side of the doing? 

I'm not sure I'm following what you're saying lost but that doesn't mean you're not right. The important thing to note is that it's exactly the same as the past it's just you perceive it as different. What seems like evidence or more than doubt is still just doubt, the difference is that what your partner said seems to you to be evidence. That's why it's the next step up in accepting doubt. 

15 hours ago, lostinme said:

what worries me is did I become complacent/careless? I find that worrying.

What this situation has done is make you doubt yourself. What's so bad about being complacent and careless? Maybe you could instead describe it as being happy and carefree. You see it's what meaning you are placing on what happened and what you feel that says about you. 

The alternative to giving yourself a break and being carefree is to punish yourself and keep check on everything you are doing, in other words having OCD. Your aim is to be carefree and to see that accidentally flashing your underwear is no big deal and just something that might happen when you are out living your life. 

Just wanted to add also, at the beginning of the thread you said you sometimes worry that you’ll expose yourself on purpose and that what your partner brought up bought into that. It's important to address this, because if you convince yourself that this was an accident that would be a compulsion too and not help. When you go out you have to trust yourself by acting like you do, trust you'll act how you want to, which is not to expose yourself. You can't keep check on your behaviours, it only leads to self doubt, and also buys into the idea that you need to.

I don't know if I'm making sense now! 

Edited by Gemma7
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Hopefully it does. 

Remember that obsession I reported about wanting to pull the alarm on a train? 

I see the alarms now and they just register as alarms - because I learned not to believe I might lose control and pull it. 

That's where we all must work towards, whatever the obsession. We CAN overcome the obsessional thoughts and themes we get. And we do it by using CBT methods. 

To overcome certainty and doubt, we use probability and faith. Faith in what those in a position to understand and know are telling us. 

 

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