Looking for some advice please

[lostinme]

29 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

I'm not sure I'm following what you're saying lost but that doesn't mean you're not right. The important thing to note is that it's exactly the same as the past it's just you perceive it as different. What seems like evidence or more than doubt is still just doubt, the difference is that what your partner said seems to you to be evidence. That's why it's the next step up in accepting doubt. 

What this situation has done is make you doubt yourself. What's so bad about being complacent and careless? Maybe you could instead describe it as being happy and carefree. You see it's what meaning you are placing on what happened and what you feel that says about you. 

The alternative to giving yourself a break and being carefree is to punish yourself and keep check on everything you are doing, in other words having OCD. Your aim is to be carefree and to see that accidentally flashing your underwear is no big deal and just something that might happen when you are out living your life. 

Just wanted to add also, at the beginning of the thread you said you sometimes worry that you’ll expose yourself on purpose and that what your partner brought up bought into that. It's important to address this, because if you convince yourself that this was an accident that would be a compulsion too and not help. When you go out you have to trust yourself by acting like you do, trust you'll act how you want to, which is not to expose yourself. You can't keep check on your behaviours, it only leads to self doubt, and also buys into the idea that you need to.

I don't know if I'm making sense now! 

Sorry Gemma reading it back it didn’t really make sense. What I meant to say is in the past regarding my obsession(exposing myself) it as only ever been a doubt that I might have acted on one of my intrusive thoughts?  So working through the cognitive side of things you change your thinking to ( B. the problem is that I worry that I might have flashed myself) instead of( A. the problem is I might have flashed myself, I’m a disgusting bad person, I will get locked up, my daughter will be ashamed of me and disown me etc. This is only based on a doubt that I might have flashed myself.

So now it’s in a different context? To me this is evidence that I could have acted on an intrusive thought? It doesn’t mean I did and it doesn’t mean I didn’t? But with it being one of my feared obsessions it’s going to bring the bigger doubt that it is possible I did act on one of my obsessions? So looking at it this way, I think I would need to work the cognitive side differently as though I did act on one of my compulsions? 

Everything you say makes perfect sense and yes that is what we are aiming for to be happy and carefree. I do understand that accidents like this will happen regardless of whether it’s our obsession or not, or whether we are careful or careless? I agree I can’t look at this as being a accident or a mistake, because it’s different, the evidence points at the possibility that I may have acted on my obsession? So maybe I should treat it differently as though I did do it? 

Hope this makes sense x 

 

[lostinme]

16 minutes ago, taurean said:

Hopefully it does. 

Remember that obsession I reported about wanting to pull the alarm on a train? 

I see the alarms now and they just register as alarms - because I learned not to believe I might lose control and pull it. 

That's where we all must work towards, whatever the obsession. We CAN overcome the obsessional thoughts and themes we get. And we do it by using CBT methods. 

To overcome certainty and doubt, we use probability and faith. Faith in what those in a position to understand and know are telling us. 

 

Thank you Roy as always  hopefully I can turn this back around and come out the other side even stronger 

[Gemma7]

9 minutes ago, lostinme said:

So working through the cognitive side of things you change your thinking to ( B. the problem is that I worry that I might have flashed myself) instead of( A. the problem is I might have flashed myself, I’m a disgusting bad person, I will get locked up, my daughter will be ashamed of me and disown me etc. This is only based on a doubt that I might have flashed myself.

This is like a theory A/B exercise, am i right in thinking that? 

15 minutes ago, lostinme said:

So maybe I should treat it differently as though I did do it?

No i don't think this is necessary. If you look at Break free from OCD, your A and B would be something like theory A, OCD says i will flash myself on purpose, theory B, OCD is a problem that i worry i will flash myself on purpose. You would look at what each of these says about you, include the evidence for each of these statements and then look at how you would behave if each were true. You would then do a behavioural experiment where you would act according to theory B and see if it seems the most likely explanation for your problem. This isn't about changing how you think but learning by experience, and with that experience, rating your belief in each theory.

There is a section in Break free from OCD titled LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING OCD TRAPS WHEN CONSIDERING EVIDENCE FOR THEORY A/B, I think you might find your evidence falls into one of those. 

[lostinme]

Yes that’s right Gemma 

3 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

This is like a theory A/B exercise, am i right in thinking that? 

No i don't think this is necessary. If you look at Break free from OCD, your A and B would be something like theory A, OCD says i will flash myself on purpose, theory B, OCD is a problem that i worry i will flash myself on purpose. You would look at what each of these says about you, include the evidence for each of these statements and then look at how you would behave if each were true. You would then do a behavioural experiment where you would act according to theory B and see if it seems the most likely explanation for your problem. This isn't about changing how you think but learning by experience, and with that experience, rating your belief in each theory.

There is a section in Break free from OCD titled LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING OCD TRAPS WHEN CONSIDERING EVIDENCE FOR THEORY A/B, I think you might find your evidence falls into one of those. 

I think I understand what you are saying here, so rather i see it has something that has happened, not by accident or on purpose? just something that occurred? And then work through theory A and B? 

I will reread this again later and see if it helps me. 

Thank you so much x

[Gemma7]

Yes that's a good way of putting it. It's just something that occurred and that's all the information you have. Then like you say work through theory A/B to gain structure and challenge any biases, beliefs or meanings and to help you get behaviourally on track 

[lostinme]

Thank you Gemma as always for your advice it’s greatly appreciated.

Im really struggling to turn this around again, I just keep breaking down in tears, feel sick and so ill from it all, I’m not even sure how to begin to be honest. 

I wish I had never gone out that night and I wouldn’t be facing all this now. I’ve failed myself, my daughter, my psychologist everybody. I can’t believe I was feeling so happy and now I’m feeling so bad. To be honest it’s all just making me feel so ill 

[taurean]

Hi lost, 

Remember, it's not what happens - it's how we respond to it. 

A trigger happened, and was exacerbated by some ill-advised, but not intended to distress, comments. 

Your OCD latched on, made connections and brought on the awfulising, the doubt and the distress. 

All the disorder was consequential as a result of one breach of resilience - and don't I just know how that can happen. 

But I also know now that, when this happens, we need to rise above it, leave it be - if you like "as if it had never occurred" - and recover our equilibrium. 

We don't have to let OCD win. We have a choice, and we can choose not to believe its intent, ease away from it, stop trying to analyse, wish away, ruminate, be sad. 

We can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and carry on. 

We can do this - we really can. 

Roy 

[Gemma7]

Good post from Roy. 

Can't add anything more, sending you hugs lost x

[Emsie]

On 18/07/2018 at 21:40, lostinme said:

I’m extremely proud of her and you’ve got all this to follow too, you will cherish every single moment throughout her life and that feeling you feel within your heart is the best feeling ever 

Im not going to say it’s not hard because it is very hard, in fact it’s the hardest anything as hit me throughout therapy. I won’t give up because I don’t want to under any circumstances ever go back to where I was before. I know that I’m slipping backwards at the moment but I know there will be a way to work through this, I just need to find the right way to do it and I’m sure that there will be one it’s just finding what works. 

Take care of yourself, best wishes, lost xx

 

Thank you so much Lost.

I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling since we chatted. Sorry I haven’t replied sooner. There is a way for you to work through this and you will find it. You are so very strong and determined. I hope Roy’s and Gemma’s advice really helped you. They are so knowledgeable. I hope it’s been a better day for you and I’m thinking of you. 

Take care, love and hugs. Xxx

Edited July 20, 2018 by Emsie

[lostinme]

On 19/07/2018 at 21:55, taurean said:

Hi lost, 

Remember, it's not what happens - it's how we respond to it. 

A trigger happened, and was exacerbated by some ill-advised, but not intended to distress, comments. 

Your OCD latched on, made connections and brought on the awfulising, the doubt and the distress. 

All the disorder was consequential as a result of one breach of resilience - and don't I just know how that can happen. 

But I also know now that, when this happens, we need to rise above it, leave it be - if you like "as if it had never occurred" - and recover our equilibrium. 

We don't have to let OCD win. We have a choice, and we can choose not to believe its intent, ease away from it, stop trying to analyse, wish away, ruminate, be sad. 

We can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and carry on. 

We can do this - we really can. 

Roy 

Thank you Roy as always, your always a dear friend to me and you always try to help me when the going gets tough. I can’t say this didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks because it did. I can’t believe so few a words could have such a devastating impact on me and could cause so much damage and knock me back so much. I’m hoping to work through this one day at a time starting from now and hopefully I will find the right path this time 

On 19/07/2018 at 22:20, Gemma7 said:

Good post from Roy. 

Can't add anything more, sending you hugs lost x

Thank you Gemma as always and for all your great advice, I really do appreciate it x 

22 hours ago, Emsie said:

Thank you so much Lost.

I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling since we chatted. Sorry I haven’t replied sooner. There is a way for you to work through this and you will find it. You are so very strong and determined. I hope Roy’s and Gemma’s advice really helped you. They are so knowledgeable. I hope it’s been a better day for you and I’m thinking of you. 

Take care, love and hugs. Xxx

Thank you Emsie,

Starting from now I’m hoping to find the right way around this, there is a way and I know by not facing upto it it will only spiral more, so I have no choice but to get back on the horse and find the right way. I’m a little lost at the moment but I’m sure I can find a way. 

Im so sad because I’ve been doing loads of compulsions, not only for this obsession but for all the others too, I doubted everything, so alot of rebuilding to do now 

Hope you are ok and still working through things flower x 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Lost,

I've got nothing to add to the great advice already given, but just wanted to send hugs and to say you've got this.  I know it feels like you've been set back a million miles, but I bet that you regain lost ground much quicker than you think.  You've worked so hard and all that work and knowledge will be in the back of your mind.  You can do this, you so deserve to.

Hugs xxx

[lostinme]

7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi Lost,

I've got nothing to add to the great advice already given, but just wanted to send hugs and to say you've got this.  I know it feels like you've been set back a million miles, but I bet that you regain lost ground much quicker than you think.  You've worked so hard and all that work and knowledge will be in the back of your mind.  You can do this, you so deserve to.

Hugs xxx

Bless you gbg, thank you so much for your kind words they are much appreciated 

I know this is probably the hardest hurdle I will have to face and I think if I can come out on the other side from this one then I can finally beat this dreaded disorder once and for all 

Hope you are ok and still doing good yourself, lost xx

[Emsie]

17 hours ago, lostinme said:

Thank you Emsie,

Starting from now I’m hoping to find the right way around this, there is a way and I know by not facing upto it it will only spiral more, so I have no choice but to get back on the horse and find the right way. I’m a little lost at the moment but I’m sure I can find a way. 

Im so sad because I’ve been doing loads of compulsions, not only for this obsession but for all the others too, I doubted everything, so alot of rebuilding to do now 

Hope you are ok and still working through things flower x 

Hi Lost,

I really hope you are ok. You will find the right way around this. Think about all of your amazing achievements and how far you’ve come. You can and will do this too. Have you been able to talk to your therapist about this? 

I of course totally understand why you feel sad that you’ve been doing compulsions. Try not to be hard on yourself and dwell. Don’t look back, you can’t change what’s already occurred. It might seem like a lot of rebuilding but you’ve got all of the tools and you will soon get back to where you were. I know that’s easy for me to say but you are so amazing and you’ve achieved so much and you will get through this. 

I’m ok thank you, still working things through and I know that ocd is the main thing that will ruin my life if I continue to let it. I’ve just got to be very strict and not engage however hard that is. 

Loads of love to you, Lost. Xxx

Edited July 22, 2018 by Emsie

[lostinme]

5 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Hi Lost,

I really hope you are ok. You will find the right way around this. Think about all of your amazing achievements and how far you’ve come. You can and will do this too. Have you been able to talk to your therapist about this? 

I of course totally understand why you feel sad that you’ve been doing compulsions. Try not to be hard on yourself and dwell. Don’t look back, you can’t change what’s already occurred. It might seem like a lot of rebuilding but you’ve got all of the tools and you will soon get back to where you were. I know that’s easy for me to say but you are so amazing and you’ve achieved so much and you will get through this. 

I’m ok thank you, still working things through and I know that ocd is the main thing that will ruin my life if I continue to let it. I’ve just got to be very strict and not engage however hard that is. 

Loads of love to you, Lost. Xxx

Hi Emsie,

Your such a sweet, kind lady that always boosts my moral and makes me feel so much better about myself. Thank you for always being so thoughtful and kind it’s much appreciated.

I’m feeling a little more positive and my low mood is slowly subsiding and I’m ready to face things again, but at a nice and steady pace. I’m finally ready not to let it defeat me I’ve come to far to let it all go.

Ive spoken briefly with my therapist but not to the context on how it affected my ability to do anything, but I’ve got an appointment this week so hopefully I will feel a little better then too. But I need to become reliant on being my own therapist and not becoming reliant on him should I fall, no matter how difficult it becomes. 

You have flower, we have to be strict very much so as not to do things whether it be compulsions, ruminating etc. It’s hard at times though but we need to be adamant to keep going no matter how hard it gets, it’s the only way. I let my guard down this time, but hopefully it will make me a little stronger on my journey. 

Very best wishes to you as always, lostie xx

[Emsie]

7 hours ago, lostinme said:

Hi Emsie,

Your such a sweet, kind lady that always boosts my moral and makes me feel so much better about myself. Thank you for always being so thoughtful and kind it’s much appreciated.

I’m feeling a little more positive and my low mood is slowly subsiding and I’m ready to face things again, but at a nice and steady pace. I’m finally ready not to let it defeat me I’ve come to far to let it all go.

Ive spoken briefly with my therapist but not to the context on how it affected my ability to do anything, but I’ve got an appointment this week so hopefully I will feel a little better then too. But I need to become reliant on being my own therapist and not becoming reliant on him should I fall, no matter how difficult it becomes. 

You have flower, we have to be strict very much so as not to do things whether it be compulsions, ruminating etc. It’s hard at times though but we need to be adamant to keep going no matter how hard it gets, it’s the only way. I let my guard down this time, but hopefully it will make me a little stronger on my journey. 

Very best wishes to you as always, lostie xx

Hi Lost,

Thank you so much, bless you. I makes me very happy to think that you feel better about yourself and your moral has been boosted. 

That’s such great news that you’re feeling more positive and your low mood is subsiding and you a ready to face things. That’s wonderful. Absolutely, nice and steady. 

Thats great you’re seeing your therapist this week. You will feel even better then too and I agree you need to be reliant on yourself as your own therapist but his input will be good to help steer you. I used to be a teacher so it’s not dissimilar to me teaching a skill that then can be used independently of me. 

Strict and adamant, I like that a lot Lost. Great advice for us all. You will be even stronger after this and you will be able to look back and think how brilliantly you did. 

Please know that you can and will do this. I know what you’ve already achieved and it’s so awesome! 

All my very best wishes to you too Lost. Look after yourself. Xxx

[lostinme]

11 hours ago, Emsie said:

Hi Lost,

Thank you so much, bless you. I makes me very happy to think that you feel better about yourself and your moral has been boosted. 

That’s such great news that you’re feeling more positive and your low mood is subsiding and you a ready to face things. That’s wonderful. Absolutely, nice and steady. 

Thats great you’re seeing your therapist this week. You will feel even better then too and I agree you need to be reliant on yourself as your own therapist but his input will be good to help steer you. I used to be a teacher so it’s not dissimilar to me teaching a skill that then can be used independently of me. 

Strict and adamant, I like that a lot Lost. Great advice for us all. You will be even stronger after this and you will be able to look back and think how brilliantly you did. 

Please know that you can and will do this. I know what you’ve already achieved and it’s so awesome! 

All my very best wishes to you too Lost. Look after yourself. Xxx

Bless you flower, your such a lovely lady  you always make me smile and feel good about myself. You give me the encouragement that I can do this, so thank you so much 

It takes every ounce of motivation it’s quite easy to just sit back and avoid facing upto things, but this won’t get me where I want to be. We need motivation to drive ourselves( mine is my daughter). Then we need strength, courage, perseverance, repetition and we have to be some what strict with ourselves and adamant to keep trying, embrace both good days and bad because both are equally as important as each other. Good days for achieving to do it and the bad days teach you how you can do it differently. 

Keep going lovely lady you can do this too xx

[Emsie]

5 hours ago, lostinme said:

Bless you flower, your such a lovely lady  you always make me smile and feel good about myself. You give me the encouragement that I can do this, so thank you so much 

Thank you so much lovely lady. I’m so pleased. You can do this! You are a warrior. Xxx

 

5 hours ago, lostinme said:

 

It takes every ounce of motivation it’s quite easy to just sit back and avoid facing upto things, but this won’t get me where I want to be. We need motivation to drive ourselves( mine is my daughter). Then we need strength, courage, perseverance, repetition and we have to be some what strict with ourselves and adamant to keep trying, embrace both good days and bad because both are equally as important as each other. Good days for achieving to do it and the bad days teach you how you can do it differently. 

Keep going lovely lady you can do this too xx

Great advice, Lost and I really need this advice and encouragement today, so thank you so much! 

I hope you’re having a good day and you’re feeling good and positive about things. Xxx

Edited July 23, 2018 by Emsie

[lostinme]

Hi Emsie, just hope it’s helpful for you 

Its not been a bad day, feeling a little bit more positive, so working towards regaining my confidence again. I’ve just had a quick shower with no compulsions and made a cuppa and bleached the toilet. At the moment the OCD is yelling at me loud and clear but it’s only expected, hopefully soon it will fizzle out again and become just a back seat thing. Just refocusing my attention onto other more practical things and leaving it be. 

Hope your ok and your having a decent afternoon xx

[taurean]

That's very sensible lost, gently - but firmly - ignore any shouts from OCD. 

It's only by not believing, or connecting, with them that they lose power. 

That's probably Taurean's first law of how he tackles intrusions

 

[Emsie]

5 hours ago, lostinme said:

Hi Emsie, just hope it’s helpful for you 

Its not been a bad day, feeling a little bit more positive, so working towards regaining my confidence again. I’ve just had a quick shower with no compulsions and made a cuppa and bleached the toilet. At the moment the OCD is yelling at me loud and clear but it’s only expected, hopefully soon it will fizzle out again and become just a back seat thing. Just refocusing my attention onto other more practical things and leaving it be. 

Hope your ok and your having a decent afternoon xx

Hi Lost,

Yes, very helpful, thank you so much. 

That’s such great news that you’ve had a much better day. A huge well done for not doing any compulsions. It will fizzle out again soon. You’re so brilliant for not listening to it’s yells. So pleased for you, Lost and I hope you’re having a relaxing evening.

Here’s to a good day tomorrow. Xxx

[lostinme]

5 hours ago, taurean said:

That's very sensible lost, gently - but firmly - ignore any shouts from OCD. 

It's only by not believing, or connecting, with them that they lose power. 

That's probably Taurean's first law of how he tackles intrusions

 

It is Roy, it’s the only way 

Easier said than done at times, but just to keep persevering eventually it does get easier 

[lostinme]

10 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Hi Lost,

Yes, very helpful, thank you so much. 

That’s such great news that you’ve had a much better day. A huge well done for not doing any compulsions. It will fizzle out again soon. You’re so brilliant for not listening to it’s yells. So pleased for you, Lost and I hope you’re having a relaxing evening.

Here’s to a good day tomorrow. Xxx

Bless you Emsie I’m so glad it was helpful for you 

Its not been a bad day in all a few hiccups along the way, but tomorrow’s a new day  just taking it one day at a time. 

Hope you’ve had a good day and tomorrow is an even better one xx