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Hi.

I've decided to try this from today. I need a solid step by step approach and this seems to be it. I'm dreading it but I must try a new approach before I give up.

Has anyone had success with this before?

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Also, if I have any thoughts relating to this worry at all, am I to treat all of them using this strategy? I'm finding I'm having loads of different thoughts ie why I thought certain things etc. Thanks.

Edited by Headwreck
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Yes the four steps will work with all obsessive compulsive thoughts. 

Go to the main OCD-UK website, put the four steps into the search field and follow the guidance. 

N.b.four steps is an add on to CBT which is the core recovery therapy. 

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Thanks, I found out about the Four Steps using the search function. So should I not be doing this on it's own? Or is this an okay place to start? I'm not sure where I should start, I work best with a plan of action and at the moment I have nothing.

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It's a good way to move forward. 

But remember the C part of CBT. OCD operates through an unwanted negative core belief from a falsehood, exaggeration (of none or, usually, minimum risk)  or a revulsion (e.g. vomit).

So look for those during the labelling and re-attribution steps. 

And you will, separately, need to be working some structured exposure and response prevention - we can offer some guidance when you are ready for that. 

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It just keeps reminding me that this is a real event. I sat close to this guy and we kept looking at each other so a kiss is likely at least. I'm 'relabelling' and 'reattributing' then trying to do something else to 'refocus' but it keeps reminding me that this is a real event and that I put myself in that position that night. How do I continue to press on knowing that? I am beginning to feel worse than ever, like I can't continue. I'm desperately trying not to contact my partner to split. I also just want to cry in work so I can tell someone, there's a girl who works here who knows the guy involved, I feel like I want to tell her everything so she can find out for me. Can other compulsions arise randomly or is it just the same ones as I feel like I will do anything now?

Edited by Headwreck
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That's what OCD does - it tries to drag us back to an incident and allege wrong was done for which we should be punished, feel bad etc. But it exaggerates the importance of minor, natural, issues. 

It's this understanding of the cognitive side of OCD which is holding you back. But you will have to resist and overcome that enormous urge it is currently influencing. 

So work on understanding what is going on, don't give belief to those intrusions - then the four steps will start to work; the CBT is the essential, primary, therapy. 

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1 minute ago, taurean said:

That's what OCD does - it tries to drag us back to an incident and allege wrong was done for which we should be punished, feel bad etc. But it exaggerates the importance of minor, natural, issues. 

It's this understanding of the cognitive side of OCD which is holding you back. But you will have to resist and overcome that enormous urge it is currently influencing. 

So work on understanding what is going on, don't give belief to those intrusions - then the four steps will start to work; the CBT is the essential, primary, therapy. 

Thanks Taurean, I keep trying to remember this but there is so much evidence telling me it happened. I feel so desperate that I'd do anything right now, stuff I don't consider as compulsions as they're not my usual go to. Feel sick and on the verge of tears, I can't keep getting upset in work, I'll get sacked.

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My anxiety has dropped so done something wrong somewhere. I don't know how I'll be able to keep doing it as it's very disruptive to my day and functioning and my partner will not like how I am acting while doing this.

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1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

It just keeps reminding me that this is a real event. I sat close to this guy and we kept looking at each other so a kiss is likely at least. I'm 'relabelling' and 'reattributing' then trying to do something else to 'refocus' but it keeps reminding me that this is a real event and that I put myself in that position that night. How do I continue to press on knowing that? I am beginning to feel worse than ever, like I can't continue. I'm desperately trying not to contact my partner to split. I also just want to cry in work so I can tell someone, there's a girl who works here who knows the guy involved, I feel like I want to tell her everything so she can find out for me. Can other compulsions arise randomly or is it just the same ones as I feel like I will do anything now?

The first thing you need to do is stop asking so many questions and then stop writing down what you think might have happened that night. 

Remember, you have zero evidence that anything did happen.

Talking to your cowirker would be a compulsion. Stay away from it.

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1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

Thanks Taurean, I keep trying to remember this but there is so much evidence telling me it happened. I feel so desperate that I'd do anything right now, stuff I don't consider as compulsions as they're not my usual go to. 

Ignore the "evidence"  and don't give any belief to it. 

The only thing you should do is believe we here, not the OCD. 

No compulsion will help, it will just strengthen the connection to the obsession. The answer IS to take on board what you are learning and pay no attention to those OCD lies and exaggerations. 

If we give OCD an inch, it will take the mile that it has taken from you. 

You can beat this, and keep on working. 

Believe in WE not the OCD. 

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It doesn't make sense, any of this. If we had kissed like i think we did then why did he say that he felt like kissing me all night, that's what I told my mum he said anyway. Unless he meant he wanted to spend all night kissing me because we kissed once. This is horrendous, how can I live with this. A kiss is better than anything sexual but now I don't think anything sexual happened, a kiss feels just as bad. I'm just going in circles every day and I know this is doing me no good. I'll try again even though I don't feel strong enough like I did before.

Edited by Headwreck
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4 minutes ago, taurean said:

Ignore the "evidence"  and don't give any belief to it. 

The only thing you should do is believe we here, not the OCD. 

No compulsion will help, it will just strengthen the connection to the obsession. The answer IS to take on board what you are learning and pay no attention to those OCD lies and exaggerations. 

If we give OCD an inch, it will take the mile that it has taken from you. 

You can beat this, and keep on working. 

Believe in WE not the OCD. 

Did you struggle like this? When I see people say they've improved it's as though they just did this with no problems but when I'm doing it I feel like I want to die. Sorry but that isn't an exaggeration unfortunately.

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5 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

The first thing you need to do is stop asking so many questions and then stop writing down what you think might have happened that night. 

Remember, you have zero evidence that anything did happen.

Talking to your cowirker would be a compulsion. Stay away from it.

Yeah I didn't ask which was good. But I come here because I don't want to go through it on my own and o have no support from anyone else, my partner said I'm a selfish xxxx so I can't say anything to him.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 minute ago, Headwreck said:

Did you struggle like this? When I see people say they've improved it's as though they just did this with no problems but when I'm doing it I feel like I want to die. Sorry but that isn't an exaggeration unfortunately.

Really?

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
3 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

Well no but people are a lot stronger than me I think. I can't handle anything.

I am sorry that you are in this situation but your OCD distorting pretty much everything at this point. Try to squeeze in a visit to a therapist. You are working and you don't need the world's best or even a perfect one. But i think you could need a therapist in real life as a break from all of this. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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I think I might have to, I stopped going because of money and thought I would be okay but I am going worse again. But the therapist I had was telling me I was innocent and that's wrong isn't it? I was going to spend £300 just on a consultation with a top dr to see if I definitely have OCD but if I do that then where does it stop if they say I have OCD then I start thinking I tricked them. Or if they say I don't have OCD then I'm ruined.

Edited by Headwreck
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

You are getting worse and i think you will benefit from taking this as serious as you can. You are fearful of losing your partner and your work. 

This is your biggest priority at this point.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

So what are you going to do today? Will you sit there and analyze it? Maybe ask your partner when you come home? Is there anything you could do differently today? If you had to come up with the easiest task you could imagine to change focus from your mind, what would that be? What do you think is manageable to do instead of obsessing and for how long?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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I play computer games which I enjoy and they let me escape. And also I'm calmer at night because I know I have sleep to give me an escape. I do want to try to do Four Steps etc and generally try not to think about it anymore as I need to see if this improves the situation because if it does then it is OCD. If I don't try this successfully then I'll never know but it is excruciating.

I wonder if someone guilty of this would act this way. Maybe if someone just wasn't sure then they would. There are many people who get drunk and worry that they done something. This may be just like one of those.

Edited by Headwreck
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Everything you have declared is suggestive of OCD. 

As a said earlier, The Four Steps is of use only when we are understanding of how OCD works and affects us by learning and applying CBT - and we believe that, not what the OCD is telling us. 

A situation happened where a man was attracted to you. Now each of us will usually, and often, experience a person feeling that way about us. 

With the theme of OCD you have, the OCD tells tales, makes us feel responsive, in total opposite to our core values of steadfastness and faithfulness. We experience thoughts urges, maybe false memories, guilt.

We get better only when we realise that it is all OCD - and that that's why we engage in carrying out compulsions, feel distressed.

I am a sort of perpetual "it boy" - a socialite who thrives on the company of others. 

I bond easily with both sexes, equally comfortably. If I had your form of OCD, I think with the knowledge and experience I now have, I would cope - in the same way that many teachers with paedophile OCD have overcome it, and I with harm OCD do well now. 

It's not our mental ability - I have no especial mental strength - it's simply believing, and applying what we learn. 

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29 minutes ago, taurean said:

Everything you have declared is suggestive of OCD. 

As a said earlier, The Four Steps is of use only when we are understanding of how OCD works and affects us by learning and applying CBT - and we believe that, not what the OCD is telling us. 

A situation happened where a man was attracted to you. Now each of us will usually, and often, experience a person feeling that way about us. 

With the theme of OCD you have, the OCD tells tales, makes us feel responsive, in total opposite to our core values of steadfastness and faithfulness. We experience thoughts urges, maybe false memories, guilt.

We get better only when we realise that it is all OCD - and that that's why we engage in carrying out compulsions, feel distressed.

I am a sort of perpetual "it boy" - a socialite who thrives on the company of others. 

I bond easily with both sexes, equally comfortably. If I had your form of OCD, I think with the knowledge and experience I now have, I would cope - in the same way that many teachers with paedophile OCD have overcome it, and I with harm OCD do well now. 

It's not our mental ability - I have no especial mental strength - it's simply believing, and applying what we learn. 

I believe that my thought processes are OCD but everything else not so much ie the content.

I've always known that I was flirtatious with this man on this night and wanted something to happen, I was obsessed with my partner cheating at the time and saw it as a means of escaping the obsession. So this is why I have clung to this, because as much as I hate to admit it, there is an element of truth in the story. I've always been aware of this even before now and I confessed this to my partner over a year ago, the night out I didn't even consider as a big deal. At that time I was happy that nothing physical happened and that I could forget about the whole situation. How wrong I was, I never thought I'd spend nearly a year obsessing about it. But it is all my own fault. I hope I haven't misled anyone into thinking that this is completely unfounded.

I thoroughly understand that I can't think my way out of this but guilt paired with the absolute obsessive need to remember/piece it together is keeping me stuck.

Edited by Headwreck
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