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It's an obsession, and that's it. No need for fanfares, drum rolls.

Many post that "they needed to explain more, they don't want to mislead readers"  - all pointless, because one of the features that to me "outs"  the illness is seeing that posted - plus it seems that we can uncloak the OCD in other's experiences, but not in our own ( for me another proof of the illness). 

You don't I think need to spend money on more therapy - you just need to accept and put in practice what you have been told. You are batting on behalf of the wrong team -  the OCD team. Time to switch to the sufferers recovery team, and bowl OCD a few tricky balls - put it on the back foot. 

Believe what you are being told. Leave the intrusions be, work on cutting out your carrying out of compulsions. 

This will be really challenging, but believe me there is, like on " Pointless " a red line, and when you break through that everything gets easier, the thoughts and urges start to lose their power. 

Only we sufferers can work to change our cognitive and behavioural response to OCD.

The best CBT therapist for OCD in the whole world cannot help us if we don't believe them and implement what they tell us to do. 

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29 minutes ago, taurean said:

It's an obsession, and that's it. No need for fanfares, drum rolls.

Many post that "they needed to explain more, they don't want to mislead readers"  - all pointless, because one of the features that to me "outs"  the illness is seeing that posted - plus it seems that we can uncloak the OCD in other's experiences, but not in our own ( for me another proof of the illness). 

You don't I think need to spend money on more therapy - you just need to accept and put in practice what you have been told. You are batting on behalf of the wrong team -  the OCD team. Time to switch to the sufferers recovery team, and bowl OCD a few tricky balls - put it on the back foot. 

Believe what you are being told. Leave the intrusions be, work on cutting out your carrying out of compulsions. 

This will be really challenging, but believe me there is, like on " Pointless " a red line, and when you break through that everything gets easier, the thoughts and urges start to lose their power. 

Only we sufferers can work to change our cognitive and behavioural response to OCD.

The best CBT therapist for OCD in the whole world cannot help us if we don't believe them and implement what they tell us to do. 

Thank you for being so patient and understanding. I can't help but feel like I abuse this place but I honestly can't thank everyone enough because I don't know where I'd be without everyone as I am at my absolute lowest.

I can't see wood for the trees at the moment. For many months I thought I had done something more serious (sexual) but as the days go by the more preposterous that idea is. That's because now it's focusing on something else from that night. That alone should tell me what my mind is capable of.

I have no memory of the acts themselves, always just the moments leading up to it. Thinking about the "acts " doesn't bother me as it doesn't feel real, it's thinking about the things I remember that I see as a 'lead up'. It doesn't make sense.

 

Edited by Headwreck
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I found it all made sense in OCD. 

I used to think I was mad, was ashamed of my thoughts - but with a very understanding doctor on a company healthscreen some 18 years ago, I opened up and told her what I was thinking and feeling. 

She immediately diagnosed OCD, and told me how I could get help through CBT. 

I haven't had a theme of OCD where there is all this demand for certainty and all this doubt but, from CBT and self-help, and being on these boards for over 5 years, I understand that form now too. 

This is where the first two of the four steps can then help us after the CBT. Once we can identify the OCD, we can label and re-attribute, without giving belief or connecting. And when we don't do that, intrusions ease and we can do the refocusing part then revalue. 

Edited by taurean
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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

Thank you for being so patient and understanding. I can't help but feel like I abuse this place but I honestly can't thank everyone enough because I don't know where I'd be without everyone as I am at my absolute lowest.

I can't see wood for the trees at the moment. For many months I thought I had done something more serious (sexual) but as the days go by the more preposterous that idea is. That's because now it's focusing on something else from that night. That alone should tell me what my mind is capable of.

I have no memory of the acts themselves, always just the moments leading up to it. Thinking about the "acts " doesn't bother me as it doesn't feel real, it's thinking about the things I remember that I see as a 'lead up'. It doesn't make sense.

 

And the next thing will feel just as real, you know it and i know it. 

I really like the explanation that there is something in the brain that is overactive and then there is another part which is malfunctioning because that is how i feel. I feel like my brain is throwing things at me and then i can't see if the thought needs to be thought of. It feels like a threat and i don't want to die so threats needs to be taken serious. 

I have this feeling that when we understand how the brain works we will see how surprisingly simple it is. 

Next time, if there comes a next time (could be that you will obsess over this for the rest of your life, who knows) you will feel as dreadful as now. Thanks to the fact that we have OCD will we have to actively work so we don't get lost by all the thoughts our brain can't filter out. Atleast for a while. 

Do not feel guilty that you are wasting time, even if it turns  out that you and me never will act differently, maybe it can help someone else. But we need to think that we need and can get better.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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25 minutes ago, taurean said:

I found it all made sense in OCD. 

I used to think I was mad, was ashamed of my thoughts - but with a very understanding doctor on a company healthscreen some 18 years ago, I opened up and told her what I was thinking and feeling. 

She immediately diagnosed OCD, and told me how I could get help through CBT. 

I haven't had a theme of OCD where there is all this demand for certainty and all this doubt but, from CBT and self-help, and being on these boards for over 5 years, I understand that form now too. 

This is where the first two of the four steps can then help us after the CBT. Once we can identify the OCD, we can label and re-attribute, without giving belief or connecting. And when we don't do that, intrusions ease and we can do the refocusing part then revalue. 

It's strange how many forms it takes. It would be so much more simpler and easier to comprehend and maybe buy into treatment if there was just set symptoms and everyone's disorder looked the same, like a cold or something. Mine has always been predominantly about certainty and doubt ie. checking compulsions for the majority of my life and now this.

I'm not sure I can afford the therapy anymore even though I think I should go back. I think I need to keep trying the self help books. It's difficult to buy into it when you are even doubting that you have the thing you are trying to therapise.

 

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But so many of us doubt it. I do too from time to time. The ”What if it’s not OCD?” is such a common worry. But we have to treat those thoughts exactly the same, or we will be stuck. I want to add too that changing your thoughts and behaviour sure isn’t easy, it is a struggle and I still have days when I feel worse and intrusive thoughts easier tend to stay with me, when I fall into rumination for example. But we have to keep on pushing through it. 

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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I have this feeling that when we understand how the brain works we will see how surprisingly simple it is. 

Exactly. Once you understand, you can see that the OCD works the same way, whatever theme. Just with some themes, like paedophile, harm, sexual preference it targets our true core values and alleges the opposite to be true - causing severe distress. 

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4 hours ago, Headwreck said:

I believe that my thought processes are OCD but everything else not so much ie the content.

I've always known that I was flirtatious with this man on this night and wanted something to happen, I was obsessed with my partner cheating at the time and saw it as a means of escaping the obsession. So this is why I have clung to this, because as much as I hate to admit it, there is an element of truth in the story. I've always been aware of this even before now and I confessed this to my partner over a year ago, the night out I didn't even consider as a big deal. At that time I was happy that nothing physical happened and that I could forget about the whole situation. How wrong I was, I never thought I'd spend nearly a year obsessing about it. But it is all my own fault. I hope I haven't misled anyone into thinking that this is completely unfounded.

I thoroughly understand that I can't think my way out of this but guilt paired with the absolute obsessive need to remember/piece it together is keeping me stuck.

And you've just rewritten the same old ruminations for the umpteenth time, including a jab at yourself for possibly misleading us., for the umpteenth time.

This is what has to stop. STOP writing down the story. We've heard it over and over. We know it's OCD, no matter how many times you tell the story. Move on.

Edited by PolarBear
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PolarBear is right. 

But when we are locked into this repetitive loop of thinking and urges to carry out compulsions (itself the evidence of OCD at work) the doubts and the assertions seem so powerful that we cannot break from them - meaning of course we give more belief to them, make them stronger, creating a circle of distress which only maintains this repetitive loop. 

Can you see and understand that now? 

You need a plan. So here is one to work on. 

Remember what we have told you - OCD wasn't known as "the doubting disease"  for nothing - it hooks sufferers in, and maintains their distress by doubt, and the demand for certainty that it is all OCD.

So, determine - despite the doubts - to play along with the idea that what WE, not the OCD, is saying is true. Don't listen to your own mind, and the doubts (that IS in fact the OCD at work).

Hold onto that idea that it is all OCD - and if you find yourself slipping into performing compulsions, stop yourself. 

Each time your mind pulls you towards belief and carrying out compulsions, simply note this and gently but firmly ease your mind elsewhere and onto something beneficial and distracting. 

At first this will be really tough, and your mind will try and stop you. Resist, note and refocus away ; do this every time. 

It may feel like the biggest battle of your life - and it probably is. 

The mental struggle may tire you, you may feel distressed. But keep to the task, keep just noting and refocusing away. 

A key element of this plan is to listen to WE not the OCD. 

Maybe copy and paste this plan into the keep or equivalent notes folder in your phone - somewhere where you can find it to remind yourself of what to do. 

As my good friend lostinme would say 

You can do this Headwreck. 

Roy :king:  :fool:

 

Edited by taurean
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11 hours ago, PolarBear said:

And you've just rewritten the same old ruminations for the umpteenth time, including a jab at yourself for possibly misleading us., for the umpteenth time.

This is what has to stop. STOP writing down the story. We've heard it over and over. We know it's OCD, no matter how many times you tell the story. Move on.

I really am trying but I'm at my lowest ebb. I'm going to call the Samaritans on my lunch hour in work as I feel like the only way out is to end everything. Don't have close family or friends to rely on. I will try to stop repeating myself.

Edited by Headwreck
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33 minutes ago, taurean said:

PolarBear is right. 

But when we are locked into this repetitive loop of thinking and urges to carry out compulsions (itself the evidence of OCD at work) the doubts and the assertions seem so powerful that we cannot break from them - meaning of course we give more belief to them, make them stronger, creating a circle of distress which only maintains this repetitive loop. 

Can you see and understand that now? 

You need a plan. So here is one to work on. 

Remember what we have told you - OCD wasn't known as "the doubting disease"  for nothing - it hooks sufferers in, and maintains their distress by doubt, and the demand for certainty that it is all OCD.

So, determine - despite the doubts - to play along with the idea that what WE, not the OCD, is saying is true. Don't listen to your own mind, and the doubts (that IS in fact the OCD at work).

Hold onto that idea that it is all OCD - and if you find yourself slipping into performing compulsions, stop yourself. 

Each time your mind pulls you towards belief and carrying out compulsions, simply note this and gently but firmly ease your mind elsewhere and onto something beneficial and distracting. 

At first this will be really tough, and your mind will try and stop you. Resist, note and refocus away ; do this every time. 

It may feel like the biggest battle of your life - and it probably is. 

The mental struggle may tire you, you may feel distressed. But keep to the task, keep just noting and refocusing away. 

A key element of this plan is to listen to WE not the OCD. 

Maybe copy and paste this plan into the keep or equivalent notes folder in your phone - somewhere where you can find it to remind yourself of what to do. 

As my good friend lostinme would say 

You can do this Headwreck. 

Roy :king:  :fool:

S

Thank you for putting this together, it's very kind of you. Had a very bad morning already and feel very mentally weak but I'll try to do as you have advised. I've saved it on my phone to refer to.

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Sorry to be a pain, can I just ask one question regarding techniques?

I have asked myself the following questions:

  • Do you have OCD? Yes.
  • Did this worry start in replacement of another OCD worry? Yes.
  • Did you have this worry before nine months ago? No.
  • With your knowledge, could OCD conjure up these ideas and images convincing you this worry is true? Yes
  • Does the current focus involving this worry change to the point where something else will worry you and this will feel irrelevant until next time? Yes.
  • Do you feel sometimes that this worry is silly or blown out of proportion? Yes.
  • Do these answers indicate that this could be OCD? Yes.

Then I tell myself, "this is OCD and working out the unsolvable is not helping me". I won't ask the questions again to myself, just have the knowledge that I answered them once already. I then change focus to work, chatting, etc.

Is this okay or is this reassuring myself etc.? I am struggling to see how this is OCD at the moment so I need to give myself some form of reassurance that it is OCD I am suffering with. I don't feel strong enough to just assume right now.

Hope this is not pointless to ask, I'm trying to be strong when it comes to posting, only posting things of benefit so I don't keep posting inane garbage and rehashed fables for everyone to sift through.

Edited by Headwreck
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It's OK to do that once. 

 It is called a "behavioural experiment",  and it is an optional part of CBT. 

Don't run it again though. What it shows is that your real fear is believing that what the OCD is saying is true - which you can see from the experiment that, in all probability, it isn't. 

Hold on to using probability - it's another CBT tool for overcoming OCD 

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