Does anyone else experience this?

[ocdsufferer85]

I've been doing really well 

Avoiding posting and even visiting the forums etc 

But at the moment it's so bad.

I'm not trying to work out if I did the thing I fear but I'm forever feeling guilty and unsure of what happened and why.

I can't get past it. 

I have been doing Cbt work but seem to be sucked back in, it's only ever on hold..

Never am I free permanently.

So when it does come back it'd worse than ever.

I am still desperately guilty for feeling like I entertained my intrusive thought, worried that by picturing acting on it that I nearly did, I feel like I should have stopped it. 

I am really worried that I failed. 

Is it normal within ocd to feel like you genuinely could just follow through with your fear? Does it feel like you are being pulled in? 

Has anyone here ever felt like they wanted to act on their fear or felt like they tested to see how easy it would be (all the while not wanting to)

Am I trying to prove to ocd that it can't win, or am I being evil at this point?

I'm baffled as to how I didn't see this coming.

Can urges seem real when they are fake?

If you are afraid of speaking, can you feel the impulse to speak, even though you don't want to? Focus on your mouth and feel close to speaking? Testing yourself? 

Has anyone else ever had a big fear. Any kind,  and had the exact impulse to do that thing, to feel like hey I could just do that now....then freak out?

Has anyone ever felt like a voice is saying just do it? 

Can it totally mess with your emotions and trick you?

Please anyone? I know it's gonna be a reassurance post but I am doing so badly.

I feel like a total evil failure who has herself to blame for this.

I am in a total spin because I didn't want it. I spend so many years on edge fighting this thing and the one day I feel I'm close to winning this happens. I don't know how I was fooled.

Edited July 17, 2018 by ocdsufferer85

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Good of you that you can admit to yourself that it is likely to be reassuranceseeking. 

Edited July 17, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[ocdsufferer85]

Going mental. Can't see a way out. All I see is me acting or trying to act and blame

[PolarBear]

This isn't going to help. Asking twenty questions isn't going to help. Hopefully no one attempts to answer them. You should know by now that the answers don't make the anxiety and doubt go away.

Leave it alone. If you've been fairly good for a while it's because you left the whole matter alone. Do it again. And again.

[ocdsufferer85]

I wanna know can ocd convince you that you want to do something? Or at least push you to test it? 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Asking those questions won't help you. Have you been talking with your therapist about it?

[ocdsufferer85]

Yes. I'm going over this, I don't know what's real, I am so stuck feeling guilty for something that could be false. I only remember slight things and I don't know what they mean anymore

 

[ocdsufferer85]

My life ended that day. I didn't see it coming.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

3 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Yes. I'm going over this, I don't know what's real, I am so stuck feeling guilty for something that could be false. I only remember slight things and I don't know what they mean anymore

 

What did your therapist say about this. And was he/she making you morw anxious or less?

[ocdsufferer85]

Same old thing don't go over it. But I can't help it. I know it's made something but it's hard not to believe it

[PolarBear]

You are still stuck on the faulty belief that doing what you fear means you are doomed.