Car sexy time contamination. Help!!

[stoneroses_fan]

Hey guys,

I desperately need some help/perspective. I've been working really hard on my recovery, doing my own exposure therapy etc and I'm almost 'cured'. I've been living my life more and more, and I've recently met a new man. We were out in his car last night, and we decided to hang out in the back seats, talk etc. I wanted to be more 'intimate' with him, which as I'm sure many of you will know, can be hard when you have contamination ocd!! I said if we were to do anything, could he please keep his feet on the ground  (I worry about dirt on the bottom of shoes etc), and to not get fully naked (I've got this fear of faeces, so the idea of a naked butt on the car seat scares the hell out of me). He has been completely understanding. He knows my exposure therapy is gradual and how hard I've worked to get to this point. But things got carried away/he disregarded my condition, and he got undressed anyway. It was so fast I couldn't explain why it's gonna have serious consequences for my ocd recovery etc. He also ended up putting his shoe on the arm rest!!! I don't know if he was lost in the moment (which is natural), but I also think he tries to force my recovery by doing whatever and getting me to accept/deal with it. I tried my best to deal with the situation and we had some 'sexy time' anyway. I was trying to keep it together because I like him and was doing my best to be 'normal'.

I'm now PANICKING that there is butthole/faeces shank all over the backseat of his car. Especially as I KNOW he used a public bathroom for a number 2 (sorry for the details) beforehand. It's triggered the hell out of my ocd, to the point I never want to get in his car or see him again. 

This has really effected me. What would you guys think of this situation. Would you consider the seats dirty? He didn't clean them in any way afterwards. How would you deal with the situation?  Would you happily seat on the seat where his sweaty/just gone number 2 butt was? 

I can deal with other male bodily fluids etc, but the idea of his bare butt on the seat when I have a fear of faeces is horrifying. 

 

Please help!! I'd like to see him again but don't know how to cope now!!! 

 

 

[taurean]

What would I do?  Nothing. Only your OCD tells you there is an issue here. The rest of the - non-OCD contamination by faeces - world would see no issue, no risk, no threat. 

I have had so much in my car recently, with probably 30 carloads of discarded rubbish, garden rubbish, because of a home move and downsizing. It needs a clean, I will get round to it. 

Does it need de-contaminating, swabbed with disinfectant?  No. Just brushing out and the windows cleaning - I see or fear no threat. 

It's an important part of CBT to consider how others would view our OCD theme's fear threat or revulsion, because that shows up what the OCD core belief is doing, and encourages us to challenge it. 

However being aware of this, then still asking for re-assurance each time a perceived threat incident occurs, is a compulsion and only strengthens belief in the obsessional thought. 

[PolarBear]

Quite frankly, he was living while you were being controlled by OCD. 

You should know this is an OCD issue. You are posting anout it on an OCD forum. You know this in line with your illogical contamination obsessions.

Let it go.

[stoneroses_fan]

35 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Quite frankly, he was living while you were being controlled by OCD. 

You should know this is an OCD issue. You are posting anout it on an OCD forum. You know this in line with your illogical contamination obsessions.

Let it go.

Yes I realise it's ocd. Yes that's why I reached on to an ocd forum for advice.  Reassurance is asking something again and again. I asked once, to get a 'normal' scientific, fact based opinion...so I could use it to help rationalise my thoughts. I have used this technique, my own will power and exposure therapy to 90% cure my ocd. However, faeces is still hard for me to combat. I'm aware this individual is living. If it were that easy to live, no one would have ocd. I believe I dealt with me situation very well. I didn't freak out. I expressed my concerns to him at the time, and he was very understanding, and I DID continue with all the 'sexy stuff'. I ignored my ocd and dealt with the situation. But as I'm sure you're aware, ocd can haunt and torture your mind afterwards and I've been struggling today. Thank you for your reply though.

[stoneroses_fan]

51 minutes ago, taurean said:

What would I do?  Nothing. Only your OCD tells you there is an issue here. The rest of the - non-OCD contamination by faeces - world would see no issue, no risk, no threat. 

I have had so much in my car recently, with probably 30 carloads of discarded rubbish, garden rubbish, because of a home move and downsizing. It needs a clean, I will get round to it. 

Does it need de-contaminating, swabbed with disinfectant?  No. Just brushing out and the windows cleaning - I see or fear no threat. 

It's an important part of CBT to consider how others would view our OCD theme's fear threat or revulsion, because that shows up what the OCD core belief is doing, and encourages us to challenge it. 

However being aware of this, then still asking for re-assurance each time a perceived threat incident occurs, is a compulsion and only strengthens belief in the obsessional thought. 

I understand what you're saying. I know his behaviour is 'normal'. I guess I just can't fathom how people are ok with putting their bare butt's on a car seat. On a bed, you can change/wash the sheets after...but you obviously can't do that with a car. Do you have contamination related ocd? Do you have a problem with faeces? I feel like only people with similar ocd fears would understand my viewpoint. I'm doing my best to control my anxiety today, but it's very tough. I feel like if I went to sit in that seat at my point, I'd have butt hole/faeces on me and that seriously triggers me! We all know exposure therapy is successful when gradual. I feel like this particular exposure was too much for me

[taurean]

59 minutes ago, stoneroses_fan said:

I understand what you're saying. I know his behaviour is 'normal'. I guess I just can't fathom how people are ok with putting their bare butt's on a car seat. On a bed, you can change/wash the sheets after...but you obviously can't do that with a car. Do you have contamination related ocd? Do you have a problem with faeces? I feel like only people with similar ocd fears would understand my viewpoint. I'm doing my best to control my anxiety today, but it's very tough. I feel like if I went to sit in that seat at my point, I'd have butt hole/faeces on me and that seriously triggers me! We all know exposure therapy is successful when gradual. I feel like this particular exposure was too much for me

Well my own particular theme is harm, but I have had a lot of CBT, read a lot of self-help OCD books, and spent many hours over 5 years on these forums - seeing a lot of material about faeces contamination worries OCD along with all sorts of other manifestations of OCD. 

The fact is that we can obsess and carry out compulsions about literally anything. And OCD operates in similar fashion  whatever the theme. 

So none of us need suffer from the same subject matter, within the same theme, to understand - and give an opinion. 

 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

3 minutes ago, taurean said:

Well my own particular theme is harm, but I have had a lot of CBT, read a lot of self-help OCD books, and spent many hours over 5 years on these forums - seeing a lot of material about faeces contamination worries OCD along with all sorts of other manifestations of OCD. 

The fact is that we can obsess and carry out compulsions about literally anything. And OCD operates in similar fashion  whatever the theme. 

So none of us need suffer from the same subject matter, within the same theme, to understand - and give an opinion. 

 

This is important realisation. A good therapist will understand that, and one i contacted here lately told me that "you can be OCD about everything". On the other hand we hand doctors who STILL thinks that OCD is just when you have such and such obsessions, washing your hands and so on. And that makes him/her a very bad expert on OCD. 

But yea OCD can latch onto everything, it would be strange otherwise. We fear and our mind have the motivation to protect us from dangers, so if the mind only could protect us from some specific areas it would be strange. 

[Don K]

To be honest, this would really really upset me and cause me heaps of anxiety but I have contamination ocd particullary about faeces.  In the past before I developed ocd, not at all, but now big time.  There is likely some miniscule degree of faecal where he was sitting but there likely is on most money, handrails, anything so what are you going to do?  Would it still bother you if he hadn't been to the toilet beforehand? It sucks but if you want to have 'sexy time' someones **** is probably going to be rubbing up against something.  I'd like to hear how you manage to get over this, because I have very similar worries.  Hopefully soon you'll be sitting in his car with no worries.

[PolarBear]

4 hours ago, stoneroses_fan said:

Yes I realise it's ocd. Yes that's why I reached on to an ocd forum for advice.  Reassurance is asking something again and again. I asked once, to get a 'normal' scientific, fact based opinion...so I could use it to help rationalise my thoughts. I have used this technique, my own will power and exposure therapy to 90% cure my ocd. However, faeces is still hard for me to combat. I'm aware this individual is living. If it were that easy to live, no one would have ocd. I believe I dealt with me situation very well. I didn't freak out. I expressed my concerns to him at the time, and he was very understanding, and I DID continue with all the 'sexy stuff'. I ignored my ocd and dealt with the situation. But as I'm sure you're aware, ocd can haunt and torture your mind afterwards and I've been struggling today. Thank you for your reply though.

I never mentioned reassurance. Perhaps that was someone else.

Honestly, it is difficult to be logical with OCD, which is entirely illogical. 

I know it seems like torture. My best advice is to say whatever and get back into that backseat as soon as possible, without doing any more compulsions.

Yes, a nuce steady approach to ERP is good but many people fall into the trap of not challenging themselves enough and they stay stuck. You will only get out of ERP what you put into it.