Feeling guilty

[Tanana]

I've had OCD(various themes) for most of my life and am learning to live with it.  A recent incident has left me feeling really guilty all the time and I'm wondering if it could be a different strand of ocd that I haven't experienced before.

I live alone and love cats. I live in a flat now and really miss the company of my last cat.  So I've just rehomed a cat. I chose this particular one because she's 18 months old and has always been happy  indoors and has never tried to go out. Also her previous owner said she would be happy in her own company while I'm at work (another of my concerns). I've only had her a day and it is taking her a while to settle in (which is to be expected). Problem is I'm feeling really guilty about giving her a home and worrying she won't be happy here and thinking she should be with someone who can give her access to the outdoors.  It's making me feel really miserable and anxious and I don't know if this is normal or if it could be ocd related.

Anyone have any advice or experienced anything similar? Would love to hear from you.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Do not just accept it how it is. Big mistake. There are hope to eliminate it from your life, I would actually say that this is necassarily, because if not it will probably increase. The guilt is not the problem in your case, the feelings are not the problem.

We are many here that have had it for quite a long time. 

 

Edited July 21, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Tanana]

Thank you for your reply OCDhavenobrain.  I had CBT about a year ago and have been coping ok with most of the ocd and anxiety issues I've had. I'm just so wrapped up in my thoughts at the moment (and with no-one to talk to) that I'm confused about why I'm feeling this way and whether it is my OCD brain taking over again. Feeling very confused.

[Headwreck]

Hi Tanana,

A pet is responsibility, a change in routine, and I may be wrong but I think most people feel a little bit unsure and worried in the first few days while you're both get accustomed so feeling a little off is normal maybe? I'm only going off how I've felt previously but obviously I have OCD too so maybe not a reputable source! But I never considered it an OCD thing myself. You just want your pet to be happy and that's entirely understandable.

Your new cat sounds a lot like mine She is an indoor cat and never been outside, also stays at home on her own while we are out at work; she's happy as Larry and rules the roost!

Edited July 21, 2018 by Headwreck

[Tanana]

Thank you headwreck - very re-assurung to hear about your cat. I guess the combination of the situation I'm in, having anxiety and being on my own is just making me think too much. I'm very good at it!

 

[GreyCat]

Hi Tanana,

I fully agree with Headwreck. I also think it's normal that we want our pets to be happy and that we want to be sure to give them a good home. I do have OCD around my cats, i.e. checking the windows, the doors, checking the flat for items which might hurt the cats.... and here I clearly see the OCD theme. I also want my cats to be happy and they definitely are but contrary to my checking around them I don't see this as an OCD issue since it's just normal that you want your pet to be happy and to feel at home. 

[Tanana]

Thank you GreyCat.  What you and headwreck say makes perfect sense when I have my 'rational' head on.  I guess - as probably most people on here do - I manage to blow a normal thought/concern into something way out of proportion.  

[gingerbreadgirl]

I work with someone who fosters cats for a charity - and she says there are far more cats needing homes than there are people prepared to give one.  She says that it is always a celebration when someone gives an unwanted pet a home, even if that home is slightly imperfect in some ways (which most are, let's be honest.)

I have a rescue cat who is extremely nervous and anxious, and I often feel guilty that I am too noisy (and make her anxious) or I don't give her enough attention, or we go on holiday and take her to my parents' house (which she hates).  But the alternative would be that we didn't have her at all and she may not have found another home, or it may have been a worse home, or whatever.  Generally it is a good situation for her and for us.  Not perfect, but good.

To me your fears sound like a kind of perfectionism - that if you can't give your new cat a perfect home, then it must be terrible.  But I think we all fall short as pet owners in some ways (or parents, or spouses, or whatever) and if we all gave up our pets because we are not perfect, well, there would be a lot of unwanted pets.

I think you should enjoy your new companion and getting to know each other allow that anxiety and doubt to be there, it doesn't need your attention. 

[Tanana]

That's a very good way of looking at it Gingerbreadgirl. Thank you. Think I'll do a bit of mindfulness and then retire for the evening with my new friend - if I can coax her out from behind the sofa!