Just wanted to say...

[taurean]

Hedvig is right. 

The more we concede to OCD, the more it will take, and restrict our lives. 

Much to the amazement of my wife, I would get up and go in to work, even when struggling badly with OCD. 

And in fact, throughout my career, I lost very few working days to it - I refused to. 

We are all stronger than we think - and when the going gets tough, the tough must get going. 

[Headwreck]

It's just so hard because I thought I'd feel a little better because I haven't been actively sitting there ruminating. Is it normal to still feel terrible even when not giving this stuff much thought? I don't feel overcome with anxiety as such but do constantly feel uncomfortable and distressed if that makes sense. It's as though I'm waiting for something to lift or need to do something to stop it. I'm dreading waking up each morning because it's the first thing on my mind all the way through the day to the last thing I think about at night.

It's still running around in my conscious so it's still making me feel awful. I guess how I'm acting towards my partner is maybe a new compulsion to replace the ruminating, is that typically something that happens when you cut one out, it will replace? I feel I've accepted it has happened because I'm not ruminating as much as I was so now dealing with it this way.

I'm still really not convinced that this is OCD. I know people with OCD will compare their situation with others but I'm finding any topics or threads about drinking, nights out and cheating are triggering/upsetting me and making me say "well you did it didn't you" and so I won't read them.

Edited July 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

There are no clear timeframes, could go on for 1 week, 1 month or forever (if you are involving in compulsions, that is why identifying compulsions is so important). 

If i were you i would just keep on going. And even if you are getting better let's say you feel like you have overcome it all in 2 months, do i still think that you should go and meet a therapist. I can relate to doubting if i need to go and see a therapist, seems to happen to me everytime i have gotten better. I am not saying that you have got better and you don't need to, to short of a time

Edited July 29, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Headwreck]

Yes I think I will see how I get on myself and then still go to therapy anyway but think I might need a different therapist. I don't know maybe I am looking for a miracle and therapy can't give that.

I am constantly worried I am using OCD as an excuse and I've done this thing really and I've convinced myself so much that it's OCD when it really isn't. If I knew like I know other things (ie I know where I work, I know where I live, etc.) then I would confess without a doubt, I would not hide this kind of thing. I haven't had false memory OCD before so seems strange to have it all of a sudden, almost feels like it's convenient.

I'm very scared that I am going to be like this for the rest of my life, worried about this and thinking about it. Or if not this then what else? But I feel this one will be for life, I can't imagine not being worried about it.

 

Edited July 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[hedvig]

I can identify many compulsions in your previous posting. Continually searching for evidence that this might be OCD, checking your mood, ruminating (yes, if it’s still there in your thoughts for most part of the day - I dare to say there’s still some rumination going on), avoidance of threads about cheating. I feel like I’m nagging but I think it would be good for you to tell yourself that it doesn’t matter what tomorrow will be like, or how long it will take for you to get better. You will get there eventually. If you keep checking how you’re feeling and panic over not getting well it will keep you in a distressed state. If you tell yourself that tomorrow is going to be awful and that you dread waking up, there is a very small chance you will wake up happy. Tell yourself that yes, you might feel bad and this will most likely be the first thing that comes to your mind, but when it does - accept it and welcome it. Then get on with your day. How did the running go by the way?

 

Edited July 29, 2018 by hedvig

[hedvig]

59 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

I'm very scared that I am going to be like this for the rest of my life, worried about this and thinking about it. Or if not this then what else? But I feel this one will be for life, I can't imagine not being worried about it.

The same with this passage. Stop paying attention to thoughts about recovery, if you’ll be like this for the rest of your life etc. Let those thoughts pass too. Tell yourself that ’maybe, maybe not - we’ll see about that’. Right now you are learning to deal with the anxiety and worries, and it will continue to be beneficial for you throughout life.

[Headwreck]

6 hours ago, hedvig said:

I can identify many compulsions in your previous posting. Continually searching for evidence that this might be OCD, checking your mood, ruminating (yes, if it’s still there in your thoughts for most part of the day - I dare to say there’s still some rumination going on), avoidance of threads about cheating. I feel like I’m nagging but I think it would be good for you to tell yourself that it doesn’t matter what tomorrow will be like, or how long it will take for you to get better. You will get there eventually. If you keep checking how you’re feeling and panic over not getting well it will keep you in a distressed state. If you tell yourself that tomorrow is going to be awful and that you dread waking up, there is a very small chance you will wake up happy. Tell yourself that yes, you might feel bad and this will most likely be the first thing that comes to your mind, but when it does - accept it and welcome it. Then get on with your day. How did the running go by the way?

 

Hey Hedvig. Hope you are okay?

The running didn't come to fruition. It's been a bit too hot here (we have a heatwave) and this weekend has been stormy. Been looking at yoga for indoors but not found anything that has piqued my interest. I must do something as I was exercising a lot last year but all of that has gone now. My fitness is also important to my future but I've let it slide. Another failure. Do you still go running? Do you find it helps?

I honestly don't know how to stop thinking about it. It's there even when I'm not actively ruminating and it is there all the time. I'm sick of it being there but it just won't shift. It will be a full year in October. How can this happen?

Edited July 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

8 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

Hey Hedvig. Hope you are okay?

The running didn't come to fruition. It's been a bit too hot here (we have a heatwave) and this weekend has been stormy. Been looking at yoga for indoors but not found anything that has piqued my interest. I must do something as I was exercising a lot last year but all of that has gone now. My fitness is also important to my future but I've let it slide. Another failure. Do you still go running? Do you find it helps?

 I honestly don't know how to stop thinking about it. It's there even when I'm not actively ruminating and it is there all the time. I'm sick of it being there but it just won't shift. It will be a full year in October. How can this happen?

You really have to understand that this will take time. Because else your OCD will convince you to involve. I had one false memory and i resisted to think about it and it popped up so many times, i don't even know how many times i had to resist. It was crazy. Give it atleast 4 weeks. I am sorry, because you want it to end now, anxiety kinda sucks... But you need to give it time.

The alternative is giving in and that only hurts you because it guarantess you a much longer suffering.  

Edited July 29, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Headwreck]

3 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

You really have to understand that this will take time. I had one false memory and i resisted to think about it and it pop up so many times, i don't even know how many times i had to resist. It was crazy. Give it 4 weeks atleast. I am sorry because you want it to end now, anxiety kinda sucks... But you need to give it time. 

Yeah I know you are right. But part of me thinks it's not OCD. So then it starts again and the feelings get worse. Sometimes I have a few seconds where I feel better but it comes back very quickly, literally seconds. It's horrible, I really think this must be one of the worst things to have illness wise. Or if this isn't OCD then I don't know but it is making life hell.

Edited July 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Just now, Headwreck said:

Yeah I know you are right. But part of me thinks it's not OCD. So then it starts again and the feelings get worse. Sometimes I have a few seconds where I feel better but it comes back very quickly, literally seconds. It's horrible, I really think this must be one of the worst things to have illness wise.

Well i can kinda relate 100%. Especially with that part about it taking seconds to come back.

[hedvig]

48 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

Hey Hedvig. Hope you are okay?

The running didn't come to fruition. It's been a bit too hot here (we have a heatwave) and this weekend has been stormy. Been looking at yoga for indoors but not found anything that has piqued my interest. I must do something as I was exercising a lot last year but all of that has gone now. My fitness is also important to my future but I've let it slide. Another failure. Do you still go running? Do you find it helps?

I honestly don't know how to stop thinking about it. It's there even when I'm not actively ruminating and it is there all the time. I'm sick of it being there but it just won't shift. It will be a full year in October. How can this happen?

Thanks for asking, I’m doing well. Will go back to work in a couple of weeks after my maternity leave which kind of stresses me but trying to take one day at a time.

I totally relate to what you write about exercise. Exercise improves my mood so much. It’s really difficult to get going when feeling low though, but sticking to a routine no matter what is good for me. My anxiety always gets worse when I’m not exercising, when my routines are changed and I have a lot of time to do nothing. My summer holidays (I work as a teacher, so always have long summer breaks) used to be horrendous but I can now manage quite well. It’s been really hot here too but cooler in the evenings. Boxing works too for me, and body pump! 

[hedvig]

Just now, hedvig said:

I honestly don't know how to stop thinking about it. It's there even when I'm not actively ruminating and it is there all the time. I'm sick of it being there but it just won't shift. It will be a full year in October. How can this happen?

You shouldn’t try to stop thinking about it. Let it in. Accept. Don’t wait eagerly for it to shift. 

[njb]

Hi headwreck.

Wow that sounds like totally positive progress. Well done. Keep at it.

Njb

[taurean]

Every time we give belief to an intrusion, or the connections it makes, we are actually strengthening its power. 

The way forward is as per hedvig. 

We won't get certainty that it's OCD. But if we accept that it is most probably OCD, and act accordingly, we can stop giving it belief, and stop giving it more power.

And the more we don't connect with it the weaker it gets. 

It sounds simple, and it is. It's not easy to do. 

But it works. 

 

Edited July 29, 2018 by taurean

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Headwreck do you have other obsessions beside false memories? To me false memories/real event/whatever are the worst, it is currently and have been for many years which gives me the most amount of anxiety. But i also have other obsession beside those. So try not to turn to your other obsessions to cope. However you shouldn't stop them all. I don't think that is realistic. 

 

However, i do find your story and the stories from other here to be very fascinating. Because it is scary how much one can relate. Hope you are going to give it a try, if it fails, pick yourself up again. Take care 

[Headwreck]

Thanks @njb. Really trying not to let it be a false dawn because it's so difficult. Hope you're okay.

3 hours ago, hedvig said:

Thanks for asking, I’m doing well. Will go back to work in a couple of weeks after my maternity leave which kind of stresses me but trying to take one day at a time.

I totally relate to what you write about exercise. Exercise improves my mood so much. It’s really difficult to get going when feeling low though, but sticking to a routine no matter what is good for me. My anxiety always gets worse when I’m not exercising, when my routines are changed and I have a lot of time to do nothing. My summer holidays (I work as a teacher, so always have long summer breaks) used to be horrendous but I can now manage quite well. It’s been really hot here too but cooler in the evenings. Boxing works too for me, and body pump! 

Thanks Hedvig, I have found a yoga class to do at home and I'm going to change my diet and get my hair done this week as if I'm honest I've let myself go a lot. I know it won't help much but maybe a start. My mum used to do Body Pump a lot and she said it was great too, I don't have a gym local to me that does the classes though! Enjoy the rest of your time off and I'm sure you will be fine when it comes to going back to work, you seem so strong and focused

1 hour ago, taurean said:

Every time we give belief to an intrusion, or the connections it makes, we are actually strengthening its power. 

The way forward is as per hedvig. 

We won't get certainty that it's OCD. But if we accept that it is most probably OCD, and act accordingly, we can stop giving it belief, and stop giving it more power.

And the more we don't connect with it the weaker it gets. 

It sounds simple, and it is. It's not easy to do. 

But it works. 

 

Thanks Roy. I keep reminding myself of this but I read somewhere that I have to try to forgive myself for my crimes - real or imagined - and I'm really not able to do this even though this whole situation feels so manufactured and false at times. I also read earlier that people who have childhood OCD usually grow out of it, so now I'm thinking maybe I had OCD as a young teen but grew out of it as I didn't have it for years and then this isn't OCD. But as you say, who knows?

1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Headwreck do you have other obsessions beside false memories? To me false memories/real event/whatever are the worst, it is currently and have been for many years which gives me the most amount of anxiety. But i also have other obsession beside those. So try not to turn to your other obsessions to cope. However you shouldn't stop them all. I don't think that is realistic. 

 

However, i do find your story and the stories from other here to be very fascinating. Because it is scary how much one can relate. Hope you are going to give it a try, if it fails, pick yourself up again. Take care 

Hey. I have checking OCD which usually focuses on my house, locking doors, appliances off, counting, saying a verse in my head as I check etc but this isn't as bad now because I never leave the house on my own anymore. When I did used to have to leave the house on my own it would take me about 20 mins and I would usually have to go back. And would stare at taps etc because I wouldn't believe they were off even though I was looking at it. The checking is there but partner does everything now as I check too much and take too long to do anything. I also have rituals when taking medication as even though I know I've swallowed a tablet I don't believe it so I have to spin it in my mouth and check the water to make sure the tablet didn't fall out into the bottle. Stuff like that. I am also scared of driving as I think I can't drive properly and that I will crash. So I don't drive even though I have a license. But I don't know if that is OCD.

I do panic about work with checking and also would worry about being sacked. I also used to obsess about being pregnant and think I was pregnant but didn't know about it, that isn't really there now. So there are a few things. But I don't think ever had false memory which makes me think I am in denial.

Edited July 29, 2018 by Headwreck