Is seeing a "peeing" guy a trauma?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I have to be honest and say that the thoughts seems  to have hit me.

I am analyzing things like textures in my head. It just seems to me that the if in this case is so big. 

But then do I have you who are telling me to drop it. So I guess that is the only reasonable thing to do. But my head surely is stuck on thinking about the what if. And figuring it out. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Saw white spots on my roller glide now. Looks like saltstains, at the top of the window. That movie yesterday make me really anxious the guy use a spraybottle to spread it. 

I am seeing white spots pretty much everywhere nowdays, or I am much more aware. Also feeling like it could be too much. Like I am getting paranoid, had a toxic person in my life who told me that I was in psychosis which I am not. Removed that person from my life but I feel like it is getting too much. Normally with contamination it is the person who have it who thinks he draws it upon oneself, will not get too stuck in that but ye the paranoia, it bothers me. 

In all this I am pretty happy that my obsessions have moved on typical OCD-fears. Ended up with contamination. 

In therapy now, not the best therapy, but i will follow through because I promised myself and the therapist to do so. Much more optimistic about it all nowdays, maybe not the last 3 days but overall. Almost feelt like I didn't have OCD for a couple of weeks. 

Edited September 23, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I am having those attacks in the nights. Where I wake up with dizziness and have a hard time breathing.

Also got triggered today when I was in a hurry and went in to an office where there was stonedust on the floor. It was a constructionsite. So now do i worry about asbestos.

But those syrange attacks in the nights, can anyone relate to them?

 

I am going to not involve here today but it is getting harder now again. This is why I am wondering if all this isnt a bodily thing. I am like a deficit or something. I had low TSH this winter so am going to go and get myself tested again. I am overdue 2 months

Edited September 25, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[dksea]

11 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Where I wake up with dizziness and have a hard time breathing.

Could be an anxiety/panic attack, especially since you have anxiety issues related to health.  What do you do in response to the feelings?  What makes it feel better?  When you say "hard time breathing" do you get a wheezy sound when you breath or it just feels like you have to think more about breathing, or something else?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

17 hours ago, dksea said:

Could be an anxiety/panic attack, especially since you have anxiety issues related to health.  What do you do in response to the feelings?  What makes it feel better?  When you say "hard time breathing" do you get a wheezy sound when you breath or it just feels like you have to think more about breathing, or something else?

Happened today again, woke up and I feel like my heart is jumping over beats. Could be musclespasms I have those in other areas of the body and also in my chest. But then I am getting dizzy and feel lik my head is jumping to. Was trying to watch my pulse and see it it jumps but didn't get much.

Also tapering down the very last doses of SSRI.

 

The thoughts are getting more and more worrisome, I obsess over this incident with my hair and the guy in the cue. I mean who stands so close to someone and I just want to know. Also those horrifying videos on the internet doesn't make things easier. 

[PolarBear]

Stop looking at these videos for now. You are doing this to yourself.

[dksea]

9 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Happened today again, woke up and I feel like my heart is jumping over beats. Could be musclespasms I have those in other areas of the body and also in my chest. But then I am getting dizzy and feel lik my head is jumping to. Was trying to watch my pulse and see it it jumps but didn't get much.

Sounds very much like an anxiety attack to me. I've had those same feelings before and thats all it was, just an anxiety/panic attack.  I can understand you feeling distressed over it, and it would be fine to mention it to your doctors (especially if you are changing meds) but I wouldn't be at all surprised if they also diagnosed it as anxiety/panic attacks.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Thank you guys. So I was goimg home and I saw a guy welding* in a distance. 300meters from me. Just saw the bright light and got instant panic.

 

Will try to let it be. I mean it was such a big distance from me.

 

Edited September 27, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[bobfish]

Why did the welding give you so much anxiety?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

On 20/08/2018 at 15:57, OCDhavenobrain said:

I have been really busy this week (last week actually). So I haven't allowed the thought to go on in my head. But now do I have freetime again, and I was looking inside my helmet and there Is a white spot in the back of the helmet. 
The helmet is really old so it could be sweat or anything, but yea a white spot. I mean my hair wasn't white, it had that waxy texture. 

So I have saved some hair and I have the white spot so I guess i can get a ultimate answer to this question. BUT the video in the store is not there for ever. My head it telling me that the responsibile thing would be to go to the police. 

I mean wow, it's just that there are actually people who go around and do those things, creates trauma. But this was in my hair so it is even a bigger trauma. And the guy looked kinda strange, was also looking at movies yesterday with psychopaths and narcissists so that didn't make it better. I guess he had to be bisexual atleast to do this kind of thing, but I have read that psychopaths more often are bisexual. 

 

Short version: I have been busy, but this thought disturbs me and I feel kinda traumatized, and I wonder what I should do. And now do I have time to ruminate about this sick sick thing.... YIKES!!

SO this was about 3 weeks before the accident with the rabbits in my village. What if it is the same guy following me? This incident in the cue happened in town so it was not close but yea I am dotting the lines here and my head is telling me that someone is stalking me. 
Is this psychosis or just plain OCD? 

 

Would like some input on this because to me it seems to be paranoia and maybe psychosis? Worst case is obviously if it is REAL but let's not go there.

[PolarBear]

If it was psychosis you wouldn't be asking if it is psychosis.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I know but a relative told me so. She said I was psychotic. Not a veey nice person but yea she actually worked in this area.. 

 

I am devastaated this time because I dont really know how this COULDNT be real. And I will never get justice so the abuser gets free. It just feel so real you know. 

[Angst]

Just to repeat bobfish’s question: why did a man doing welding create such a strong emotion?  In reply you repost a post from August.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Actually it didnt. Lasted 30minutes. But it was about eyesight. Now am I afraid of something much worse

 

Edited October 21, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I know that it probably isn't psychosis, it's just a combination of misbelief in psychiatry nowdays and my own thoughts. THe person who told me that I was psychotic was probably just wanting to hurt me, she was pretty toxic in general, but she worked in psychiatry so yea.. 

 

I have been irresponsible. There have been a neighbour who have worked on his garage now for weeks, however, I thought that it was pretty far away, turns out it is like 20 meters away from my window. SO the danger here is possible asbestos, I am not really getting anxious about it and my main obsessin is still my real problem. But there is a possibility that this will grab onto me. Who knows? 

 

Have been wondering lately about using forums and internet when it comes to OCD, ultimately I want to help others with OCD but I am starting to lose my belief that you can do that over internet, I can see in myself that I have probably been using internet mainly as reassurance. And comming in contact with sufferers IRL is not always the easieast, but I do think that talking with someone between four eyes is the best if not the only solution when it comes to OCD. It is just that there will always be many opinions on a matter it usually just end up in too much information for the sufferer. It could also be black and white thinkking from my side but I don't really believe that writing to someone in this format will be enough of a "push" for someone who is in the grips of things. 

 

Edited October 24, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[gingerbreadgirl]

I think you are massively over thinking all of this and ruminating like crazy  

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Yes I know. What is your opinion aabout helping others over the internet!? 

Will it ever be enough of a push what someone writes on the internet? There are some communities in Sweden who are about OCD but I just feel like they are to focused on identifying themselves with OCD. 

 

[gingerbreadgirl]

I think people respond to different things in different ways. I think the forum has been a life line for me personally. But each to their own, nobody can answer that for you. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I just havve a real question about when something is paranoia or normal. Also, is reading the news with intention to figure it out bad in this case. 

So lately have I been aware of my some things in my town. This summer here was some kids who ran around and knocked on doors and last years did someone get beaten up and such. This week did I see two kids who kicked on something, I went back but couldn't figure out on what, a wall I guess.

But one night last week did I hear something on the street and then one day did I see dogpoop infront of a garagedoor and a white liquid upon the dumpster outside my house. Now I am trying to figure out if here is some kind of pervo in the town and ultimate do I want to know if someone could have sprayed something on my windowblind, because there are white stains. 
I am actually feeling a little bit paranoid and also a little bit afraid of people, I am not having anxiety but it is more kind of paranoia?

I just can't grasp how we are supposed to feel safe when so many people are having no empathy, I know that Polarbear said that those people also have mental health-issues. 

 

Could it be that I am actually psyhotic? the reason I ask is beacuse I had a friend (who I now longer even talk to, since 5 months) she  told me, many times, that I was crazy, psychotic and that I had paranoia. She also worked as a nurse.

Edited November 14, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[PolarBear]

You focus far too much on random events, trying to figure out motives. Has that ever gotten you anywhere? Do you feel better doing all this ruminsting over minor events?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I see what you are saying and I am thinking that I see too many connections in all those events. Now is it about a man in the town who took pictures off kids in a playground. This was 3 years ago. So it could be that he was going around in the town, I think it is pretty close to where I live and I have always had my window open at night, and I live on the groundlevel. I don't see how I could be so fearless, but I was. Also I saw a connection to the man I saw 2 weeks ago. 

I think it is OCD playing with me, but I am actually feeling paranoid and a little bit scared in combination with the paranoia. And i don't think that I ever will accept bad people.

Am not really invovling with OCD at the moment it is just a strange feeling of paranoia which comes and goes. And it also comes with disgust because all those things are disgusting. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Also got a strange "memory" now that I one day woke up with something on my face. Wow, I don't even believe the """memory""", however I am starting to do it now, I think. WOW. 

*2min later* and I actually think there was 1 morning in the past where I looked myself in the mirror and thought it. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

I'm not sure what purpose this serves? What sort of advice are you after?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I have a real qusetion if you actually feel paranoid. Because I do, and I know that paranoia can be a symptom of many bad things. 

I do realize that I have contamination-fears but the thing I don't like is that I involve other people in the obsessions, it makes it hard for me to judge if it is paranoia or not. Have never before doubt if I am crazy but I am starting to do so. It could be because a relative told me that I was crazy, could be that it strucked a nerve in me. Because like I said - never before had I thought that I was delusional.

Edited November 16, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

So now did I search on pedophiles in my town and there are actually atleast 2 of them. Worst thing is that one of them looks like a really nice guy. They say that psychopaths are the kindest people you have ever approached. 

It got personal because he could be the guy who was standing behind me this summer, he doesn't really look like him but well. Who knows. Have been searching 3 hours now about those sick areas, I have NO idea why I went home and did this today, I guess I feelt for the temptation to figure it out. 

I will try my best to stop it right away. Feel pretty disgusted at the moment. Sorry for spamming.