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PhilM

Always the things I care about

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I've always cared  about the welfare of children and that's why I've always thought how cruel it is that my main manifestation of OCD is the fear of somehow "involuntarily" losing control and hurting a child.

My friend's daughter has just had a baby boy and I've had intrusive thoughts about hurting him. It's really, really distressing even though there is no actual intent there.

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Hi Phil,

Long time no see. I know dude, it's terrible- but if it didn't attack the things we care about it wouldn't be such a horrible thing to deal with. Remember it's how we respond to the thoughts that's important- they don't define who we are.

Hope you feel better soon.

Binx.

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Thanks for the response. It seems like every time I think I'm getting to grips with this condition my confidence will disappear again.

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You're going through a bad patch (have been for a while) and you've had a lot going on- it'll get better. How're the meds going?

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I'm almost off the tranquillisers but still taking 90mg a day of Duloxetine which I do not believe has any impact on my OCD or my mood. I have felt very low of late and the problems with my blood pressure have only made things worse.

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Well done with the tranquillisers- I'm sure getting them out of your system will make a difference. Maybe it'll do you some good to come back to the forum for a bit and see if you can help some folks out. It might help improve your mood?

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I don't really feel I have a lot to offer at the moment - I've allowed myself to get sucked back into a vicious circle of intrusive thoughts which obviously I'm finding very upsetting despite my insight into the nature of this condition.

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Your call dude. Folks are here to support you too.

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Its a tough one Phil, logic can kind of go out the window with OCD, we know the theory and have had success with implementing CBT - but OCD can still strike despite our understanding and its still easy to get drawn into rumination and attaching meaning to intrusive thoughts. 

All I can say is try and re-visit and have faith in what you know of CBT, its easy for me to say I know as I slip myself sometimes but the less you engage or give meaning to the thoughts the more they will fade.

 

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In my personal life I think I have a tendency to over-compensate my feelings of guilt by trying to be as helpful and kind as I can possibly be. That's not to say I'm not a nice person - I know I am when I feel calmer and more at ease.

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Your main manifestation of OCD is truly upsetting but, like my harm OCD, it is that manifestation of OCD where it attacks our true character value(s) and alleges that we are really the opposite. 

The "fear of losing control" is a standard response to such OCD. 

When I worked through my OCD with a clinical psychologist, and he uncovered this fear of losing control, I realised it was spot on and the cause of all my resentment and distress. 

With this type of OCD, when we get the thoughts - and they will usually strengthen when we are around the subject matter - we have to refuse to believe or accept the thoughts, re-attribute them to OCD, and NOT engage in avoidance.

Any connection, belief or avoidance will encourage them, strengthen them, make them more frequent. 

Leaving them be, reallocated to OCD, then getting refocused elsewhere will gradually break their power. But we have to believe in this, keep mentally strong. 

Then - like in "Pointless"  - we break through the red line between being controlled by the OCD, and being in control ourselves. 

Be strong Phil 💪 - work this through and you will approach that red line. 

Your good Midlands friend 

Roy :king:

 

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I just find it very hard to put things I've learnt over the years into practice when I'm struggling.

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You have not hurt a child. You need to start enjoying their company and stop worrying. It’s the ocd nibbling away at your mind. 

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Hi Phil, I always find comfort in the fact that whatever my OCD attacks are clearly things I love the most. If u didn’t care or love children then u wouldn’t have OCD about them. I know that u know all this anyways but sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that if we are being OCD about something you can pretty much guarantee that it’s the opposite of our true character. Well done with the tranquilliser withdrawal, I hope u start to feel better soon xx 

Edited by Wonderer

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This is so Wonderer. 

I have read lots of posts about people avoiding things they seriously care about because OCD says otherwise. 

Well, we have to elect not to do that, we know what its game is, so we must stare it out. 

When this was truly bugging me, my therapist had me draw up (I think I got my wife to help)  my real core character values, and file it away. 

Knowing I had done that, codified, was really powerful. When the OCD came to call, I gently rebuffed it, learned to send it on its way. 

It's important, if we use this method, that we don't get reliant on referring back to the codified character document - that would be a compulsion and allow OCD the opportunity to challenge it. 

I think I referred to it once. And another time I just revised it. Nothing more. 

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Thanks for the replies. I bumped into my friend's daughter pushing the pram yesterday and I went to meet the baby. He's a real cutie - he even put his hand round my finger!

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