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10 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

First the post above. I am sorry but they haven't done anything wrong, the wrong here is your OCD. Please be angry at your OCD not the people around you. I know it is hard. 

SO when it comes to SSRI, I really don't remember how it was starting, mostly done withdrawing from them. But all those things is not strange to feel. Now i remember when I started on them, I feelt a unpleasant warmth and kinda spaced out. Prozac is sertraline right? 20mg is pretty low. 200mg is maxdose. Don't obsess about it. 

 

But my first point is what I would wish you to consider.

I am furious at the crisis team for triggering/overloading my ocd whilst I'm destabilized on new meds and them knowing full well that a general psych ward would be the wrong place for me. I'm in an even worse state now. 

You wouldn't take a epileptic to a place with flashing lights, why take someone with severe OCD to a place which they've been told by myself and numerous family members would be most detrimental. 

Apparently I brought it on myself by constantly crying and talking about suicidal ideations to the crisis team - side effects of the meds - and minor self harm (razor scratches, barely broke the skin, certainly didn't need stitches or anything). They did nothing when I told them about my previous hanging attempts- they based it all on a hypothetical - that if I had hiv, then I was definitely going to kill myself. I didn't even know my hiv status then, and everyone was telling me I was so low-risk that they'd be amazed if it came back positive. It came back, of course, negative. So it was a completely futile hospitalisation.

But now my ocd has got it's claws into that 16 hours or so in hospital- plus the fact that they gave me zopiclone against my wishes- and I'm now terrified that I've been infected with hiv, herpes and/or hepatitis. That IS the fault of the crisis team as they knew I perceived the psych ward as an unsafe environment and now both my harm and contamination ocds have been greatly triggered due to their box-ticking and ****-covering.

So yes, I'm angry with the ocd, but I'm even more angry with the so-called professionals and lack of facilities for ocd sufferers in Wales. It's a 3rd world country here when it comes to mental health and esp ocd - prof salkovskis called it "woefully inadequate" in 2015 and not much has changed in 3 years!!! 

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10 hours ago, felix4 said:

Hi,

When starting Prozac, my doctor prescribes 20mg, but to alternate it daily for the first couple of weeks, so you are effectively taking 10mg. It can be a bit harsh to start with, but I reckon you are over the worst of the side effect and will benefit from it soon! I myself take 30mg, by alternating 20mg and 40mg every other day.

I sincerely hope that the side effects are going to subside soon. I'm in such a state and it's of no therapeutic benefit to my ocd. 

I'm seriously like the hulk - I'll just explode with angry outbursts. Or spend hours hysterically crying.

I'll talk about the side effects with my psych at my next appt in a week's time. They're putting me up to 40mg, so I'm hoping the side effects won't increase exponentially.

Thanks for the hope x

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5 hours ago, bobfish said:

Hi again,

I'm sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now. Previously you said that you were looking for therapists - how's that going? It's so difficult to do CBT by yourself, especially when your anxiety is off the charts, so it's really important you try to get some more help as soon as possible.

This is just a suggestion, and it's completely up to you whether you want to give it a go, but some people have said that they got through similar fears by 'accepting' they were going to die. In your case, that would mean accepting that you've got HIV, herpes, all the hepatitis viruses, the lot, and it's going to kill you, and there's nothing you can do about it. Then do things that make you happy as you 'live out' your final days, until you realise that, actually, it's all OK. Sounds extreme, I know, but perhaps an extreme measure is needed in situations like this.

Hi bobfish,

Thanks for your message. So far, I've not had any responses from any.of the therapists that I've contacted. Maybe most are away as it's August and school holidays etc. But I haven't received out if office responses either, so I don't know.

I guess I'll just keep trying.

Maybe you're right about living as though I'm going to die anyway, but I'm a very risk-averse person and I just cant seem to live in the moment. I really struggle with mindfulness etc as i can't stay in the present and my mind is always on the go. 

I was thinking of doing some of those free online courses (MOOCS) by EdEx and Coursera as a way of distraction and a way of learning new things. Just don't have much concentration atm and get very frustrated with myself- I feel like I've dropped 20 IQ points atm!!

Cheers x 

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