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Wedding wear ocd


Guest Phil10

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Guest Phil10

I’m getting married and got a suit however I don’t like it also I worry about storing at her parents house as it may get germs.

I feel I don’t suit a suit and she doesn’t like kilts. Would I be able to wear just a waistcoat and a flower or shirt at night? 

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Would I be able to wear just a waistcoat and a flower or shirt at night?

Won't you be a little exposed in the lower half?  Wear whatever you want, it's your special day!

Edited by Don K
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Guest Phil10

My head is in a muddle and I’m worried what to wear the suit I feel I look least good in kilt first choice and waist coat second but worry people will moan at me for just wearing a waist coat? The whole thing has increased my ocd and anxiety all day been worrying about this and people said if I don’t tuck a shirt in it’s scruffy 

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39 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

My head is in a muddle and I’m worried what to wear the suit I feel I look least good in kilt first choice and waist coat second but worry people will moan at me for just wearing a waist coat? The whole thing has increased my ocd and anxiety all day been worrying about this and people said if I don’t tuck a shirt in it’s scruffy 

The wedding is your and your brides day. It's for you both to enjoy and not to please everyone else. You wear what YOU want to wear and not what you think you should or what your OCD bully you into.

 

Make your day the way you want it and not what other people want to see.

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On 19/08/2018 at 11:36, Phil10 said:

I’m getting married and got a suit however I don’t like it also I worry about storing at her parents house as it may get germs.

Hi Phil,

You can wear whatever you like. Some people will raise eyebrows, some won't care. The only people who's opinion matters is yours and your bride's. Discuss it between you and come to an agreement.

But I'd like to give you something much more important to think about. 

Anybody who's had OCD for a while will tell you 'if you give it an inch it will take a mile.'  At some point you're going to have to challenge your OCD or your marriage/ family relationships/life/work/friendships/hobbies etc will all bear the brunt of it and come under strain. 

A wedding day is a special day. It marks the desire to make a change to how you've lived so far. It goes beyond making a commitment to one person for the rest of your life, to support them, to be there for them, to share life's journey with them. It's about starting a whole new phase in life. Do you want to begin that journey weighed down by baggage from the present/past? (Your OCD.)

OCD is hard to challenge. We all know that. But it's easier by far to face it when you are mentally 'up' and have something good to gain than it is to face it when things have got so bad you have no choice, or just a normal day without extra incentives. If you don't challenge your OCD on a momentous, exciting and wonderful occasion like your wedding day, when you have every reason to, when will you tackle it?  :unsure: 

If you can't wear a 'contaminated' suit now for the sake of your bride's small wish to see you dressed a certain way on one day, how are you going to cope with the lifetime of compromises demanded by a healthy marriage? 

The thing to get your head around is that the contamination you fear isn't real. It only exists in your mind. Yes, it fees real, I know that, but it isn't a real threat and the suit won't actually be 'contaminated'. 

How about it? Could this big occasion be the turning point in your life and the start of a happier, healthier, OCD-tackling you? :) 

 

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Guest Phil10

I worry I can’t win it I wear a kilt my partner doesn’t like it, if I wear a suit I won’t be comfy, if I wear a waist coat and shirt out people moan? All that will happen is I’m going to be self conscious because of people’s ignornace no matter what I do I fear how I look?

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19 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

All that will happen is I’m going to be self conscious because of people’s ignornace

Explain 'people's ignorance'? In what way exactly do you think they are at fault for a choice you are finding difficult to make? 

 

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Guest Phil10
21 minutes ago, snowbear said:

Explain 'people's ignorance'? In what way exactly do you think they are at fault for a choice you are finding difficult to make? 

 

Because they are giving different opinions I fear they are going to judge and talk on wedding day.

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13 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I feel a social pressure as people either wear a suit or kilt at a wedding 

Not everyone. People have gothic  and alternative weddings that are far from the norm and they look amazing ! Who wants to look like everyone else ? Fitting the norm is boring 

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52 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I feel a social pressure as people either wear a suit or kilt at a wedding 

We feel pressure to do a compulsion when we get an anxiety feeling. But we don't have to do a compulsion. The feeling that you have to give in is only a thought in your mind, not a factual reality. The choice is always there to give in or to resist. 

Same with social pressure. The feeling you need to comply is in your mind, not a factual reality. Do your own thing! As long as you do it with confidence people will accept it. 

56 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I fear they are going to judge and talk on wedding day.

That's not evidence of people's ignorance. That's people passing the time of day. People will always talk to each other about things they find unimportant just to have something to say - it's spoken and forgotten in an instant. 

So the fear of judgement also exists only as a thought in your head. People may judge (or they may not), but the fear is you inventing consequences, you thinking the worst in advance of it happening, not the result of other people's faults or criticism. 

When we stop trying to pass the blame for our feelings onto others, when we accept our fears are just thoughts about imagined consequences that we're creating for ourselves, then OCD loses its power to scare us into compliance. 

Do your own thing. Do it with confidence. If anybody 'judges' you for it, just look them in the eye, smile and say 'This is me. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I don't have to explain myself.' :)

Try it and you'll discover that when you do things with confidence people don't judge you, they accept you. They are in awe of you.

People only pass judgement if you have already judged it as bad and act accordingly, making them believe it must be bad because you're ashamed of it/ made anxious by it. 

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Guest Phil10

Yes I don’t know what I will do I still have time to decide but I do worry how I will look.

My ocd has caught onto it all and I can’t decide where to go for stag party as again I want to please others and also the honeymoon I have a fear of flying and I like to fly at a time when I’m comfortable I don’t know if I should just fly or not. Theripst never helped she couldn’t be sure what happens on a plane so for me it’s a risk.

And yes the outfit worries so right now as the wedding gets closer it’s around ten months now the anxiety is kicking in because I have so much to worry about. Part of me wants to wear the waist coat and shirt out and part of me wants to please others and wear a kilt. My head is going round in a loop with these issues.

I really want to go to rome and fear if I don’t go for honeymoon I may regret it in years to come. But flying right now is my worry.

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