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I have find a real trauma in my past. Sexual assault


Guest OCDhavenobrain

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I was reading a thread on a forum, and people there says that even a adult being present in the changing room after the classes with physical education is wrong. So I started to look in my past and I can recall one incident where there were a teacher (woman) who was our teacher because the normal teacher was sick or if she just were present, it was a few classes not the whole year or even a month.

So I remember one time where she used my towel on my back, because I remember pretty clearly that I found it strange and I did it myself but the other boys was speaking about it. But this time she saw that I was wet and she "helped me". 

 

SO now did I actually find ONE EVENT where something wrong have been done, what am I doing now. Funny thing is that I think about it now for the first time but well.. I asked a friend today if this could be the reason I have problem in relationships so that was the start for me thinking about it as a problem. 

 

Thanks in advance...

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You don’t have to do anything, OCDhavenobrain. You had an intrusive thought that something wrong might have happened, started digging into the past and found this. Got more anxious, kept ruminating over it. Now try to stop this before it builds up even more.

One thing I’ve noticed is that you often write you’ve read something on a forum. What kind of forum is that? Is it really helpful to spend time there? People might have all kind of opinions about topics like these but as far as I’m concerned there is no universal rule that teachers cannot be present in the locker room. It is actually one of the most common areas in schools for bullying to take place so in the earlier school years it might be necessary to have an adult present. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
9 minutes ago, hedvig said:

You don’t have to do anything, OCDhavenobrain. You had an intrusive thought that something wrong might have happened, started digging into the past and found this. Got more anxious, kept ruminating over it. Now try to stop this before it builds up even more.

One thing I’ve noticed is that you often write you’ve read something on a forum. What kind of forum is that? Is it really helpful to spend time there? People might have all kind of opinions about topics like these but as far as I’m concerned there is no universal rule that teachers cannot be present in the locker room. It is actually one of the most common areas in schools for bullying to take place so in the earlier school years it might be necessary to have an adult present. 

Beside me being thankful for your reply would I like to answer your question.

It is actually not a forum in the first place which makes me anxious. It is Google, I search on google and oftentimes do you end up on forums, some thread about something. 

It is always me trying to figure it out by using the opinions of other people because it feels like I can't decide for myself, I feel like a little kid, even worse (because they have some insights) I am clueless. 

 

Edited: I already know how this will go, if the thought is still there tomorrow will I wonder if she touched something else, did she use it on my legs and then what if.... Well, this is hard. Because I am so very clueless in those questions, it actually don't feel like I can judge myself, and even if I can do it never apply to myself and my situations.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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I see, so the intrusive thoughts made you anxious and you started googling to find relief and answers. I know how it goes. I think the important thing here for you is to recognize this as another intrusive thought and just try to leave it unanswered. Do not examine that memory any further. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
7 minutes ago, hedvig said:

I see, so the intrusive thoughts made you anxious and you started googling to find relief and answers. I know how it goes. I think the important thing here for you is to recognize this as another intrusive thought and just try to leave it unanswered. Do not examine that memory any further. 

I am sorry but I don't remember how it started but I am pretty sure it started with me thinking about the memory in some way. Accordingly to my browserhistory did I make the first search 2 hours ago, I typed in something like "is it ok for the teacher to be present". And then did I read the thread and people said that it is NEVER ok with a teacher being present and then i thought that what in my case where something actually happened. 

I have already asked 2 peole about it so I guess i searched reassurance. Lol, that time went by fast. 

Thanks for your replies, I am sure I would search for more reassurance otherwise 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

My intention is still to answer that post. I wish I never made this thread. It only fuels the more severe thoughts I have. Stupid

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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8 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

My intention is still to answer that post. I wish I never made this thread. It only fuels the more severe thoughts I have. Stupid

And there you go mate, it's an old story, creating the thread was a compulsion ... tied to reassurance, and OCD has bit back (as it will). The biggest 'trauma in the changing room' is here NOW - due to seeking an answer to an irrelevant question. Take this as a lesson, and move forward.   

Edited by paradoxer
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On 26/08/2018 at 21:19, OCDhavenobrain said:

I read the thread and people said that it is NEVER ok with a teacher being present and then i thought that what in my case where something actually happened. 

You read some nonsense and interpreted it as fact. 

This faulty interpretation gave your OCD something to latch onto. Now you've fallen into the cycle of imagining more and more to fill in the gaps. 

What is distressing you is a thought, in the present, not an event from your past. 

Treat it as you should treat ant other intrusive thought - with contempt. Then let it go. 

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