I keep reading that this is chronic

[Headwreck]

Plus it seems to creep into everything. I'll read a book and I'll adapt the book into my worry. I'll watch TV and again, adapt my worry to the tv, conversations, actions, clothes, places, everything. How on earth am I supposed to ignore that.

[taurean]

1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

Plus it seems to creep into everything. I'll read a book and I'll adapt the book into my worry. I'll watch TV and again, adapt my worry to the tv, conversations, actions, clothes, places, everything. How on earth am I supposed to ignore that.

My OCD did that. It was making up links and connections. Two learned members here pointed this out to me. 

It's OCD,  in fact it's worthless nonsense, not real. 

We have to accept that, and leave it be. Tough at first but we keep on trying until we succeed. 

[Headwreck]

When I say adapt I actually mean to say it reminds me of my worry. Or if I'm enjoying something I'll think, "you shouldn't be enjoying this because you did that."

I just hate myself and everything about me. Why does my head have to be like this? Why can't I be normal?

[taurean]

Because you have a mental illness called OCD. 

There is no stigma to that, and it affects the lives of about 1% of the population - very many people 

But, if you follow the therapy, it is very treatable. 

[taurean]

Hi Headwreck 

I think the topic I have re-posted about overcoming repetitive thoughts should help you. 

[Headwreck]

Thanks Roy. I will have a read now.

[njb]

Hi headwreck.

Just saying hi really as not much too add which hasn't been said. Wondering if it's ocd is just another ocd thing. You know that and like you'd tell me no googling

Hope you're doing a little better.

[Headwreck]

Thanks NJB. Hope you're okay?

I'm at a point today where I just think it's not OCD as I'm not even sure myself if I was sure nothing happened so it's more frustration that I don't know. I was very drunk and don't remember a fair portion of the night. I genuinely don't know what happened but not sure why I went for two years thinking nothing did happen until now. Realisation I guess.

My family are also getting me down a lot, everything is just horrible and wrong. But what good does complaining do? 

[PolarBear]

15 hours ago, Headwreck said:

My partner just doesn't get it. He said I need to take control of my mind and my life by just saying no when I get the thought and the urge to think. Just no all the time, even vocally.

But I can't do it, it's automatic and when I try not to do it I feel I am lying to him and myself if I don't think about it. So I'm sat here thinking about this for almost a year day in day out. I don't remember the last obsession feeling this bad although I know it was very bad for a long time but, I could push through it as it wasn't focused on me but this is horrendous as it's me that's done the bad thing. Why does this have to last so long for me, most people only have it for a few weeks or months, mine go on for years?

What an absolute mess.

As usual, not true. You have a nasty habit of inventing reasons why your situation can't be OCD. This is a classic example. Most people only have their obsessions for a few weeks or months... where do you get this nonsense? Wherever it is, STOP reading those lies. Ask Saz how long she's been dealing with her false memory. Ask ocddufferer85 how long she's been dealing with the same obsession.

[Headwreck]

Well I haven't been ruminating so much about the night, more about what it means for me that I did something. Have been thinking about suicide again and looking at pro suicide forums. Feel tearful but can't cry, feel very flat, low and sick of everything, chest is tight. Why did I ever think that night was a good idea? Family are useless, extremely selfish and uninterested, and I have no friends. Only person I can rely on and I've screwed them over. What's the use.

Edited August 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[Headwreck]

More to the point. Why did I think I didn't do this until now? Why did this not flag up the day after the night out? Or shortly after? That's what keeps bouncing back at me when I say I've done it. I really can't keep doing this. It's hell.

Edited August 29, 2018 by Headwreck

[taurean]

4 hours ago, Headwreck said:

More to the point. Why did I think I didn't do this until now? Why did this not flag up the day after the night out? Or shortly after? That's what keeps bouncing back at me when I say I've done it. I really can't keep doing this. It's hell.

Its what the OCD does. If it hadn't been that issue, it would have picked on another.

Don't let it overpower you like this. It's all worthless nonsense actually, but it cons us into believing it's true.

Who would you rather belief? Us, with a wealth of knowledge and personal experience of this illness? Or your OCD-addled brain? 

[Headwreck]

I'm just scared I'm making excuses.

[taurean]

Don't be, that's what OCD does to us. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Maybe you see it or you don't but you are asking all those questions. Always a new one, right? Do they come from your anxiety or atleast when you are feeling anxious? What is your motive behind getting answers to all those questions? 

I tell you, even the thinking about getting recovered from OCD is obsessive, I can tell you now. I can see it in myself. It is really fascinating because it always comes up in new ways. No area is safe from your OCD if you let it, it can latch onto anything. Anything.

The answer really is to just let it be and not engaging. It's the ultimate trickster

Nice new photo taurean

Edited August 30, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Maybe you see it or you don't but you are asking all those questions. Always a new one, right? Do they come from your anxiety or atleast when you are feeling anxious? What is your motive behind getting answers to all those questions? 

I tell you, even the thinking about getting recovered from OCD is obsessive, I can tell you now. I can see it in myself. It is really fascinating because it always comes up in new ways. No area is safe from your OCD if you let it, it can latch onto anything. Anything.

The answer really is to just let it be and not engaging. It's the ultimate trickster

Nice new photo taurean

 

[Headwreck]

I'm 100% now that I kissed that person on that night and I have been for the past few days. I am just trying to learn how to live with myself but it's impossible. My partner does not deserve this.

I'm not sure how people can be so certain that it's OCD in this instance. There have been things I can now see that have been OCD about this ie. trying to remember if I have ever known (I still do this), my attention being drawn to different aspects every day, panicking about other things in a similar manner etc. But my head is a mess, I don't know what I think anymore because I have thought so much for months.

[Headwreck]

6 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Maybe you see it or you don't but you are asking all those questions. Always a new one, right? Do they come from your anxiety or atleast when you are feeling anxious? What is your motive behind getting answers to all those questions? 

I tell you, even the thinking about getting recovered from OCD is obsessive, I can tell you now. I can see it in myself. It is really fascinating because it always comes up in new ways. No area is safe from your OCD if you let it, it can latch onto anything. Anything.

The answer really is to just let it be and not engaging. It's the ultimate trickster

Nice new photo taurean

I'm not sure why I ask anything anymore. My head is a mess.