Cant talk anywhere else but here

[beckyboo]

The OCD 'theme' that affects me is harm intrusive thoughts. they tend to go in cycles, harm thoughts about my children to harm thoughts about myself and they feed off each other :/  

the last few days ive struggled because i dont know if im not getting the usual pysical distress feelings when i have harm thoughts is due to the medication i take or not. 

the best way to explain is such as using knives particularly if my youngest is in his high chair the whole WHAT IF I ...that then panics me so i rush through whatever it is im doing and take baby in another room away from 'danger' 

lately ive found myself irritable a bit with the 3 kiddos its been the 6 week holidays so been full on, because im getting irritable i start getting worried that if i can get irritable with my kids then what else am i capable of

then when im having to use knives to prep tea and things those thoughts start playing round. 

im instantly taken back to something a family member had said about mothers who do harm thier children and start worrying that its going to be me :/ 

ita starting to bother me that the symptoms of the anxiety i used to get arnt there. 

 

i darnt talk about it to anyone else incase i really am a risk to my children

[beckyboo]

because im constantly trying to check my responses to thoughts it then kicks off the self harm thoughts that id rather not be here if im such a danger or risk to my children its a horrible cycle to be in 

[Wonderer]

Becky, just because u don’t get a physical anxiety response doesn’t mean u want the thoughts, i consider myself recovered now, I still have the thoughts, the ones that have stuck the most are the harm thoughts towards my kids, I have them a few times a day, I don’t care anymore, I don’t like them but I don’t take them seriously at all anymore, they started when my youngest was 1, he’s almost 12 now, I’m pretty sure if I was going to do something I would’ve  done it by now lol, the aim of OCD recovery is to become ok with the thoughts, not because u want them but because u see them for what they are, nonsense! It takes the power away from them, the anxiety slowly disappears and that’s the aim of the game! Xx

[PolarBear]

As with all forms of OCD, you really need to sit back and figure out what your compulsions are and then work hard to stop them. Case in point: taking the baby to another room when you are using a knife. That has to stop.

[cookiemonster]

Like any ocd reducing and then stopping your compulsions is the only way. Our symptoms / experiences with ocd will go through phases but it’s still ocd.