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Relapse triggered by conversation with boyfriend about threesomes


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Hi guys,

Thanks for reading, haven’t been here for a while. OCD hasn’t really been an issue for almost a year now (obviously I’m still a bit obsessive about things but not so much obsessive rumination and checking).

 

I am in a new-ish relationship of 3 months and started a new job last week in the Netherlands and will be commuting each week to London to see my boyfriend, so it’s all change and I’m quite anxious in general with a messy head.

 

my OCD was triggered at the weekend by a casual, drunk chat with my boyfriend about threesomes. I brought it up because I’ve always known I would be upset in any relationship if my partner would fancy a threesome. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, I don’t have a problem with them in general and would even find it hot maybe if I were single, but with my partner who I love (and who is wonderful to me and loves me), I would find it heartbreaking to share him and see him with another girl.

 

so, he didn’t deny vehemently as I had hoped that he would be into it. He said he would never push the issue, but had I been up for it he would have probably been up for trying it. We talked a lot about it then but since we’ve been apart the last few days I’ve been googling and obsessing. Because I love him, I have been trying to convince myself I could do it, but it has confused my head and now I’m very upset and stressed. 

He made it clear he wouldn’t want to risk our relationship or make me do something that would make me unhappy, but, as OCD does, it is playing on that tiny doubt in my mind. I hate the fact that for him sex isn’t necessarily connected to love and that he could have sex with someone else and watch me have sex with someone else without being hurt. I just can’t understand it at all and I literally feel like I’m going crazy trying to. Then what is even the point of being in a monogamous relationship? How could he be willing to risk our relationship, should a threesome destroy it because of bad feelings after?

 

anyway, have gone on way more than I needed to, sorry for the rant. I have no idea what strand of OCD this is, maybe relationship? But it sucks just as much as the rest and I can’t eat much or feel happy. Again, it feels like a whole new illness, because the fact that it’s a new topic for my OCD means I don’t know how to handle it yet. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them. Thank you. 

Edited by hereforhelp
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It's OCD but it doesn't have to fit into a particular box - we can obsess and carry out compulsions about literally anything. 

As usual, the illness is taking an inch and making a mile. To a non-sufferer this would be a minor matter, discussed then forgotten. 

But OCD has fixed its lens upon it and grossly magnified the importance. 

Don't worry - it's a non-issue for which your boyfriend is respecting your position. 

Work on stopping carrying out the compulsions, staring out the obsession without engaging with it, and you can starve the OCD of the attention it needs and it will gradually ease away. 

 

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You’ve been going through a lot of change and stress which can increase your ocd symptoms which it has. 

Different people view sex in different ways I’m like you i attach it to feelings but yet I have a female friend who doesn’t see it like that. And I have a male friend who dies attach it to feelings! 

Your boyfriend said he didn’t want to make you do anything you didn’t want to or risk your relationship.

now forget about it and move on. Enjoy your future together 

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