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Back again :-(


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Hi all,

I was an active user on this forum some years ago but managed to beat my ocd into submission and had been doing well - until lately.

My ocd started as intrusive thoughts and then was contamination based. Now the thoughts are back again.

My daughter is having surgery in two weeks and it has sent my mind wild. I have never, ever been so stressed. I keep thinking I'm seeing signs that we shouldn't go ahead. Songs on the radio, words I'm picking up on, and this morning a magpie was tapping on our window - I'm not hugely superstitious but I know what this 'apparently' symbolises and my mind has gone into overdrive.

And, as per, my mind is telling me it isn't ocd and that it's real :-(

It's putting a huge strain on my marriage, as my husband is fed up of me being negative and wants me to be strong.

Someone please help me :-(

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Hi,

Did you do any therapy when you were unwell before? Maybe you could look over your notes from that? If not, it might be wroth a trip to your GP to get on t he waiting list for a referesher- I think you can also self refer for the IAPT these days.

Binx

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Hi Binx,

I had CBT before and meds. I have been given Mirtazipine this week but am scared to take them as I tried fluoxetine last month and had a HUGE crash two weeks in so stopped. I'm also on the waiting list for counselling but it's a long wait :-(

80% of me thinks this is just ocd up to it's old tricks again, and 20% is saying 'what if it's not...'

 

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It sounds like ocd to me. Meds would be a good place to start and atleast you are going to receive some counselling. I see a therapist privately - if this is an option for you it might be worth a try. Maybe try a support group to talk to some people with similar issues that maybe able to provide some support. 

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13 minutes ago, sufferer said:

0% of me thinks this is just ocd up to it's old tricks again, and 20% is saying 'what if it's not...'

I need to be a little careful with reassurance here. But I'm sure that you know that the "What ifs" are the classic sign of OCD.

Do you have any notes from therapy- what about any books?... the forum can recommend some. "Break Free from OCD" is a good one.

The most important thing- this isn't new. You have beat it before and you will beat it again.

It might be a good idea to list your compulsions... this can help in recognising what they all are so that you can work on not following through on them.

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Thanks both, I know reassurance isn't the way to go - much as I want it.

I have a book (Overcoming OCD), it is helping a little.

I don't have any compulsions as such (aside from touching wood and saying all will be ok) so nothing to stop really.

I just wish my brain would pick up on positive signs instead of negative - it's making a really tough time even worse.

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5 hours ago, sufferer said:

I keep thinking I'm seeing signs that we shouldn't go ahead. Songs on the radio, words I'm picking up on, and this morning a magpie was tapping on our window - I'm not hugely superstitious but I know what this 'apparently' symbolises and my mind has gone into overdrive.

I can relate to this, I've been down that road before too.  The thing is, humans are REALLY good at noticing things/patterns/etc when we look for them, but that doesn't mean they have any actual meaning.  Right now, because of your OCD you are focused on finding "negative" signs, because the thought of your daughter having surgery is stressing you out and in the short term, one way to stop that stress is to stop the surgery.  But thats a temporary solution, much like compulsions offer only temporary relief from OCD.  If not for the OCD, it would probably be just as likely you could be seeing "positive" signs all around you, largely because we impart meaning on to things we see around us about lots of things, even when there is none.

 

1 hour ago, sufferer said:

I don't have any compulsions as such

I used to think that too.  I don't count things.  I don't have to touch things.  I don't need things in order (good lord, my room alone is proof of THAT).  But as I've gotten to know more about OCD I recognized I DO have compulsions.  I ruminate a LOT when i'm struggling with OCD.  Its in my nature to try and "solve" problems (its what I do for my work) so of course I want to analyze and SOLVE my OCD too.  I have to be careful because I will also fall in to the research ("Do my symptoms match the thing I am worried about.  Is what i'm feeling normal" and checking compulsions too.  Not checking a door knob or a light switch, but mentally checking my responses.  "I had that thought again, did I think about it in the right way?  Did i not like it enough".  Mental compulsions are tricky to catch, but they are just as much compulsions and its important to identify them and work at not giving in to them.

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4 hours ago, sufferer said:

Thanks both, I know reassurance isn't the way to go - much as I want it.

I have a book (Overcoming OCD), it is helping a little.

I don't have any compulsions as such (aside from touching wood and saying all will be ok) so nothing to stop really.

I just wish my brain would pick up on positive signs instead of negative - it's making a really tough time even worse.

I guarantee you have compulsions. Do you tell other people about the signs? That's a compulsion. Do you sit there and think about the signs? A compulsion.

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Thank you all for your replies.

I do ruminate, yes. I've been googling most of the day, and have chatted to people about the magpie thing too. None of which has made me feel better (standard :wallbash:)

I've been doing well for so long I forgot just how horrible ocd can be.

Damn brain :(

 

 

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