Worried about my past

[BigDave]

Oh, I’m sorry to bother you about this but I need to air this out or I’m going to explode. 

14 or so years ago, when I was at Uni, my depression and OCD really began to hit hard and I was REALLY low at the time. Coupled with that, being an unattractive fat guy and all, the girl I had fallen for started seeing someone and everything in my life started to turn to hell. I started to drink. I only really started drinking the year before when I started uni but I was hitting it quite hard to numb how I was feeling. For a short stint, which coincided with me feeling suicidal, I drank so much one night that I got really drunk and made a complete idiot out of myself. I threw up in someone’s house and I had to be taken home. This flash point in my life has been a constant thorn in my side ever since, a major source of embarrassment and one reason more to hate myself. For some reason today, driving past a town where a “friend” I used to have lived at one point, it reminded me at that night that he took a photo of me in a drunken state and was teasing me with it. Obviously I was not in a sound mind when he did it but I pleaded with him to delete it. He said he did but going past the town today, I wondered. What if he didn’t? What if he has embarrassing photos of me when I was at one of my lowest points in my life. I then wondered what if he then one day decides to post it online on social media or what if future employers see it. What if I ever make it as a writer and he then posts it and humiliated me publicly. Have I just ruined my entire life? I didnt agree to any photo or anything but I fear this will haunt me to the day I die. I probably will never speak to him again, I don’t even know where he is anymore. 

I may be just ruminating heavily on this post but I’m feeling week tonight. 

[lostinme]

Yes BigDave this is one big rumination of what ifs, leave it be, let it go, it’s in the past and done with 

[cookiemonster]

I believe all of us have had embarrassing moments like that in our life. Stop ruminating and move on. 

[Avo]

Let it go Dave, many of us have had embarrassing incidents in the past, I was filmed by a friend while very drunk / ill throwing up in someone else's house, after a particularly heavy new years eve night out. 

It may still be on film somewhere, this was possibly 18 or 20 years ago but hey ho ! I had too much to drink - as do most people do at some point in their lives. 

your ruminating is magnifying your incident it making it seem important than it actually is, there is a high chance that person has long forgotten about the incident.

Good luck with the writing - what sort of stories do you write? fact / fiction etc?

Avo

[BigDave]

Thank you very much to everyone for their responses. That really helps. 

Avo, I am currently to write a fictional piece, it is really a horror thriller piece. Still very early days though