Please help

[battlethrough]

Sorry I'm here again,I've tried to stay away but am broken

I have had intrusive thoughts about my niece over the years,strangly I hadn't confessed this to my partner as confession is a big compulsion

My partner said my niece was struggling with depression and a thought came that I should text her to help then it twisted I had bad intentions.

From there the demons have hit big time.

What worries me most is I work with lardy lads and one of them said he fancies his non blood adult niece because of the way she dresses.stupidly I said about my non blood 18 year old niece when she came around with a provocative outfit on.I think I then said that I didn't know where to look but my minds telling me I said it made me want to sleep with her,I just can't remember what I said.

My mind is so messed up,been crying all night.I don't want anyone but my partner but my brain is throwing every fleeting thought I've ever had and pushing me to confess.I'm not googling or seeking reassurance but I feel pretty screwed.

How could I make a comment like that if I was so distressed by the thoughts,just to be laddy or what,I don't know.

I have therapy this month .just need support

[PolarBear]

Same old thing, isn't it? What have you learned about these situations that you can put into practice right now?

[cookiemonster]

Calm yourself and start working through the techniques you have been taught. Discuss this with your therapist when you see them. 

[St Mike]

I suggest you re-read and apply the advice provided in your previous posts.

Recognise the thoughts for what they are.

They are just intrusive thoughts and because of OCD, you attach undue significance to them which as a result is causing you all the distress.

This is not something new to you and you should be aware the modus operandi of your OCD and the theme of intrusive thoughts that affect you the most.

Is there something different you can do the next time you are triggered?

Edited September 16, 2018 by St Mike

[battlethrough]

Thank-you,it always seems worse and different.

It really bothers me that I think I said I'd sleep with her ,that is awful I could say that and of course this makes me feel my partner should know.

I've been waiting since Feb for a 12 session cut course,I hope it helps.just feel in a terrible hole

[battlethrough]

I also worry they are not intrusive ,she is attractive,and I'm using ocd as an excuse.is it possible that I find her attractive but I feel guilty for that.I have never fantasized and it causes distress,so confused

[Lynz]

I think your OCD is making this into a big deal when it's not. There's nothing wrong with finding an adult female who is not a blood relative attractive, nothing at all, but you make it sound like you've committed a grave sin.

[battlethrough]

Thanks lynz 

It has really consumed me that I could joke with workmates about it,I've seen her grow up and she is developed at 18 obviously,just makes me think I'm a bit creepy,the guy at work was blatant and said he actually fancies his adult niece,no-one batted an eyelid but this whole thing is really crushing,if I did say what I did that's so disrespectful to all my loved ones and I feel by saying something it's worse than just in my head

[Lynz]

Sometimes we say things without thinking them through. The fact that you are now so torn up about it shows that you are a decent human being who cares a lot about his loved ones.

If I were you I would really try and let this one go, and get on with your day as best as you can.

[Dragonfly]

Hi Battlethrough, 

It’s the OCD doing what it does best, lying and latching on to something! 

I’ve just mentioned two books I found great on another thread; Break Free from OCD and The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. I really think if you could work your way through one of those until you get CBT it would be so beneficial. 

In the mean time try not to ruminate, I know easier said than done. But that’s just playing OCD’s silly game! x

 

[battlethrough]

Thank all

I am yrt again feeling the need to confess to my partner.ive confessed so many things and of course ocd is scrolling through my last 12 years with her and pushing me to tell her about niece as she deserves to know.any tips on how not to.i know it only causes temporarily releaf untill something else but its twisting it so that its been a long term deseving secret that she should know.it would only cause problems as she has told me she doesnt want to know.its so hard feeling like a fraud

[Binxy]

All normal OCD feelings Battle... time to start treating this as an OCD thing. It's the way out- speaking to your other half would be a compulsion. You clearly understand this is a compulsion- you'll feel pants for a while if you don't act on the compulsion I'm afraid but it does get better mate.

[battlethrough]

Thanks binxy

Always feel im dishonest and not worthy.such a slippery beast to deal with with ocd.its as if it gathers up as much information as it can then holds you to trial with the evidence.

[Binxy]

I know how the dishonesty feels- but it's a false signal. I used to confess everything to my other half... everything. All the horrible intrusive thoughts I had and even everyttime another woman caught my eye on the street. Time to treat it like any other intrusive thought mate. You know what to do.

[battlethrough]

It's the fact I joked with a workmate,I think I said,I didn't know where to look but I may have said I'd sleep with her,that makes it more than an intrusive thought,it makes it bloke and disrespectful,it's on my mind all the time and the girls name keeps popping in my head,it so annoying,I know it's pretty normal to notice a young women wearing not a lot but she's my non blood niece then to joke about it,if I did,I honestly don't know what I said just seems creepy,I can't help thinking if my partner new she would find it pretty weird

[dksea]

9 hours ago, battlethrough said:

 

It's the fact I joked with a workmate,I think I said,I didn't know where to look but I may have said I'd sleep with her,that makes it more than an intrusive thought,it makes it bloke and disrespectful,it's on my mind all the time and the girls name keeps popping in my head,it so annoying,I know it's pretty normal to notice a young women wearing not a lot but she's my non blood niece then to joke about it,if I did,I honestly don't know what I said just seems creepy,I can't help thinking if my partner new she would find it pretty weird

 

"i think i said', "I may have said".  Just OCD my friend.

Even if you did think it, even if you did say it, beating yourself up over it isn't helping you or anyone.  Constantly ruminating about it isn't going to change what happened or what didn't happen.  You need to let it go.  If you made a bad joke, you made a bad joke, feel bad about it and then let it go and move on.  If it bothers you to think you did it, try not to do it again in the future.  We all say things that are dumb or that we regret.  We feel bad about it, then we move on.  OCD is making it hard for you to move on, but you can let it go if you try.  You are bombarding yourself with "what if's" and thats all textbook OCD.

You'll still feel anxiety when you experience the intrusive thoughts, thats unfortunate, but its also normal and you can get past it if you let yourself.  Its not always easy, I get that, we all do.  But you can do it.  You have to make that choice though.  We can remind you, we can encourage you, but in the end each of us has to be the one who chooses how we react to our OCD.

[battlethrough]

Thank you.

My partner has, I thought always been my confidant as I've always shared thoughts ,be them incest ,harm or p,but looking back she was the person I confessed to but I believed it helped because I wasn't hiding anything,she has told me before I don't need to share but it's the feeling of having a secret is crushing,would she stay with me,does she deserve to know etc etc,it's so hard,I know if I confessed it would morph into another in a day or 2,just don't see how this daily struggle with no let up is worth it.

I try to take a leap of faith and treat it as ocd,years of trying different meds,years of fighting for the correct therapy and I really don't know how I can do this hell much longer,people say stop ruminating,my head is so consumed that it feels there is nowhere else to focus on

[Wonderer]

Hi  battlethrough, I used to confess a lot too but once I learned that it was OCD I decided to stop, the feelings u describe of being a fraud, guilt and as though u are keeping a secret are so crippling but even though I had those I didn’t confess and eventually it went away, it wasn’t easy but no matter how real it feels now it will and can disappear without confessing! Keep resisting, u can do it xx

[battlethrough]

So grateful for the support.

It's hard to see as ocd,my brain is picking any little thing to convince me its been an ongoing secret admirer OMG,it's crazy,I have over the years had intrusive thoughts and they have always caused distress,still waiting for therapy,hopefully this month