Struggling to see why I'm here

[bruces]

If I've made such a dreadful irreversible mess of my life and all these mental and physical issues,I'm pondering what I'm here for? 

I'm not in any danger whatsoever but I've got to query what my existence is for,it's certainly not for fun or enjoyment 

[Sparklesmango]

1 hour ago, bruces said:

If I've made such a dreadful irreversible mess of my life and all these mental and physical issues,I'm pondering what I'm here for? 

I'm not in any danger whatsoever but I've got to query what my existence is for,it's certainly not for fun or enjoyment 

My advice would be to it a day at a time, don't think about your life as a whole, you are where you are the question is what are you doing to make it better now, most people who have a good life are able to cut their losses regardless of there age, I know when people are depressed it's hard to see the positives it really is but I think it's all a mindset and we seem to admire those people that n that mindset don't have hang ups about what could have been and what was they just take the best from what is I'll give u an example there was a guy getting interviewed death metal now I'm not into the music as such but his response to a question I thought was great a guy asked him your forty years old now do you think there's so much in your life you wish you would have done, and his answer was no... Not at all, I've done everything I really wanted to now wether that was bs or not is beside the point the interviewer was trying to make him feel a certain way about getting old and looking back with regret and he refused to do so, it really is a mindset it mag comfort you to think of this life as faited what had to happen haopened and couldn't have any other way so now that you recognise it don't let it keep happening. "The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse".

[taurean]

It is a mindset. Bruces, you stay obsessively stuck in this one, your OCD lens focused on physical and mental health issues and the burden you have been on those around you. 

You have chosen not to try and shift that mindset. 

I and others have made the opposite choice and done really well as a result. 

It is a choice thing. Believe what OCD tells us - we've been bad we should be punished etc etc and the punishment of feeling as you are will just perpetuate. 

The book "Break Free From OCD"  is so titled because that is what we must do - follow the path it lays down in order to break free. 

When we do this, the depression that envelopes us as a result of our negative thinking starts to ease away. 

So it's all about us making the learning and behavioural changes - instead of staying stuck in a slough of despond. 

No-one need stay in there - we just choose to start on a new path out of the swamp, and to stay on the path despite any setbacks. 

Edited September 20, 2018 by taurean

[cookiemonster]

We all go through dark thoughts and times. Bear with you will feel better. We all have a purpose it may just not be clear.  

[bruces]

Feeling really quite strange and detached from life,a I got difficulty making easy decisions 

[Angst]

Hi Bruces.  You never seem to engage with the comments made by the people who respond to your posts. I have read many of your threads. Two of the people who responded to this most recent post gave an interpretation of your feelings as depression. They also provided strategies to lift the hypothesised depression. My advice is to reflect on the posts which you receive and respond to them.  At least, this mental activity will switch your attention away from your ponderings. It might even galvanise you to implement a plan to improve your life!

[bruces]

I don't know how to do that 

[Angst]

It’s called a conversation. You say something. I respond to what you say. Then you respond to my response. I bet that you can do conversations. 

[Orwell1984]

Bruces you should just go on an extended adventure holiday around the world and get totally away from life as you know it. You have nothing to lose at this point.

[bruces]

That would be great,my brother is touring Europe on his motorbike as we speak! 

[daja]

Do it Bruce. Every time I leave the UK I escape a lot of my anxiety.

[taurean]

We used to enjoy going over to Paris and lounging in a pavement bar or cafe, and going round the museums and art galleries. 

There is somewhere for everyone to like. 

Two other good trips we did were to Scotland. 

First one we drove up the East route from London, working our way to Edinburgh and a trip round the castle and Holyrood House. 

Second time we took the sleeper train from Euston to Fort William, and stayed in a guest house at the foot of the wonderful mountain Ben Nevis. 

And we did some coach and train tours into the Highlands. 

[bruces]

i start a new job on Monday so I think a world tour could be a bit tricky! 

[bruces]

I feel like I'm a long way removed from a normal person,could this be true? 

[taurean]

Well you can tackle things on a country by country basis during annual leave! 

Way back in my twenties I toured, with two friends, France and Spain, in a Triumph Herald convertible. That was a truly great experience, and we did it in a standard two-week holiday. 

11 minutes ago, bruces said:

feel like I'm a long way removed from a normal person,could this be true? 

You should never just believe what your brain is telling you when a sufferer from OCD. Sounds like a classic OCD "what if"  tale to me aka "what if I am not a normal person". 

We need to learn to ignore these intrusions, understand that - instead of the distressing negative meaning OCD wants to apply to them - they are really just worthless nonsense. 

[bruces]

Sometimes I believe I'm a very unusual person when I see others a getting on with their lives so easily and meeting partners etc 

[dksea]

15 hours ago, bruces said:

Sometimes I believe I'm a very unusual person when I see others a getting on with their lives so easily and meeting partners etc 

It’s very risky to judge the lives of others by what we see of them in public.  No one I have ever told about my OCD knew about it before hand, because I did what I could to mask my struggles from the outside world.  That’s what people do, they hide their struggles and show a public face.  Not everyone is successful or capable of that of course, some people’s struggles are simply to much to keep hidden or they do not care, but most of the time things are happening in other people’s lives we just don’t know about.

Althought it can be helpful as OCD sufferers to consider how other people would react in the same situation to guide us away from obsessive behavior that should not be mistaken for assuming others lives are necessarily more normal or perfect than ours.

it is true that conditions like OCD can make certain types of situations more difficult, and for some of us that’s relationships, but many people with OCD have long term committed relationships.  And many people without OCD don’t have such relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you are “unusual”. It matters that you are a person, and you do what you can to try tolive your best life (realizing of course that having a goal doesn’t mean never falling short or making a mistake, you don’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile.  None of us are perfect.  That work includes doing what you can to overcome OCD, getting help when needed, and realizing that change is always possible, it’s not too late to make a change for the better.

[snowbear]

34 minutes ago, dksea said:

It’s very risky to judge the lives of others by what we see of them in public.  No one I have ever told about my OCD knew about it before hand, because I did what I could to mask my struggles from the outside world.  That’s what people do, they hide their struggles and show a public face.  Not everyone is successful or capable of that of course, some people’s struggles are simply to much to keep hidden or they do not care, but most of the time things are happening in other people’s lives we just don’t know about.

Althought it can be helpful as OCD sufferers to consider how other people would react in the same situation to guide us away from obsessive behavior that should not be mistaken for assuming others lives are necessarily more normal or perfect than ours.

it is true that conditions like OCD can make certain types of situations more difficult, and for some of us that’s relationships, but many people with OCD have long term committed relationships.  And many people without OCD don’t have such relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you are “unusual”. It matters that you are a person, and you do what you can to try tolive your best life (realizing of course that having a goal doesn’t mean never falling short or making a mistake, you don’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile.  None of us are perfect.  That work includes doing what you can to overcome OCD, getting help when needed, and realizing that change is always possible, it’s not too late to make a change for the better.

  

[taurean]

1 hour ago, snowbear said:

  

I totally agree You can make progress bruces you really can. 

We always say take small steps - building a pathway of those small steps can lead to giant leaps. 

It will be stressful when you start the new job. On those few occasions when I swapped firms OCD gave me a tough time in the first two or three days, because of the higher level of stress, but I held firm and shrugged it off. 

You can do so too if need be. 

[bruces]

Improbably completely wrong but I kind of view things as impossible to change due to my circumstances,age etc 

it just seems impossible to see a way forward. 

[dksea]

14 hours ago, bruces said:

Improbably completely wrong but I kind of view things as impossible to change due to my circumstances,age etc 

it just seems impossible to see a way forward. 

I realize this reference is USA centric, but Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Froed Chicken when he was in his 40’s. 

Julia Child published her first, and award winning, cookbook at age 49.

Pablo Picasso painted his masterpiece Guernica at the age of 55.

J.R.R. Tolkien published Lord of the Rings at age 62.

Noah Webster completes his dictionary at 66.

Retired Japanese school teacher Katsusuke Yanagisawa climbed Mt. Everest at age  71.

And in 2007 Nola Ochs received her university degree at the age of 95.

Im not saying you have to write a best seller, or climb the tallest mountain, or win a marathon, but as long as you are alive you can always change things in your life.  It may be difficult for any number of reasons, that’s true.  However, wouldn’t it be worth at least trying to make things better?  You seem so unhappy now, why not take the chance that you CAN change things? What have you got to lose?

[Angst]

‘A way forward’ requires a destination or a goal. The goal should be specific and in no way vague. Any goal can be subdivided into a number of staged targets. Goal setting is at the heart of therapy. Goal setting is often done for us. For example the curriculum, tests and examinations in the education system or the performance targets at work. What personal goal do you want to achieve? As said, personal goal setting can and is done at any age.

[taurean]

Remember the song "life begins at 40"?

It's a bit of fun - but we can rejig things for the better at any time. 

For me, approaching 30 happened to be the wake-up call - but it can be anytime, anywhere. 

We have just, at the age of 67, now 68, completely moved from London to Northampton to downsize and retire. 

Massive challenge, and we still have much to do - but it was a good decision. 

[bruces]

I'm 43 now and I've had depression,anxiety and ocd for all my adult life.ive never managed to be happy although there was fleeting moments of happiness,now I've reached a point where I'm looking back on all the missed opportunities! 

[taurean]

Well don't look back. The present, and the changes we have told you how to make, is all that matters. 

You say you don't know how to and it's too late. 

It's never too late and we have told you how. 

What would I do in your position?  I would be extremely glad I had access to this forum. I would start listening, learning, and applying the sensible suggestions made. 

A lot of people would be prepared to pay an awful lot of money for the help and guidance given free here. They would probably give their right arm for it. 

 

Edited September 23, 2018 by taurean