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paulfoel

Teenager OCD projecting onto others - sprayed 5 year sister with antibac spray

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Not even sure where to start with this one....

Found out today hes been squirting his 5 year old sister with disinfectant spray when she comes out of the toilet. Really don't know what to say or what to do.

She said to us today "X squirted bleach on me because I wasn't clean". Having an antibac spray is one of his things - he likes to spray the toilet to ensure its clean. But if hes going to misuse it then, might stress him a lot, but surely we've got to take it away from him?

Obviously, apart from the possible harmful effect of spraying this on her (after all its not meant to go on people), its the fact that he now projects a lot onto others. Hes like a typical teenager - filthy dirty as is his bedroom etc but he seems to focus on others in the family. Hes done a lot of things to the detriment of others in the family recently.

I dread to think of what will happen if she goes to school and tells one of her teachers. The social will be around in a flash!

Hes been seeing CAMHS for over a year. Complete waste of time they are. Also he pretty much refuses to engage and I dont think has made ANY effort at all to help himself or even try anything the CAMHS people have suggested.

At wits end now. Any suggestions?

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I honestly think you need to take the bleach/antibac spray off him. You have a duty to your other child too and it's so dangerous for her to be coming into contact with bleach etc. He could blind her if he sprayed into her eyes, that's how dangerous it is. Perhaps tell him that what he is doing is so dangerous that's why you're having to take them off him, otherwise the police/social services will be round if you continued to let him endanger others.

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24 minutes ago, Lynz said:

I honestly think you need to take the bleach/antibac spray off him. You have a duty to your other child too and it's so dangerous for her to be coming into contact with bleach etc. He could blind her if he sprayed into her eyes, that's how dangerous it is. Perhaps tell him that what he is doing is so dangerous that's why you're having to take them off him, otherwise the police/social services will be round if you continued to let him endanger others.

Exactly. It was more like anti-bac spray rather than proper bleach but thats not the point. Its not for spraying on people and its definitely not for spraying on 5 year olds clothes etc. 

We've told him its just not acceptable and very bad what he did. We said we'll help him and support in any way we can to get through this but we can't let him be a danger to others. Told him he could be in real trouble if his sister goes to school today and says "my big brother squirted me with bleach". Can only imagine what the teachers reaction would be - could end up with social services getting involved.

Alas, this is not the first time we've had an "incident" where quite frankly the safety and wellbeing of another member of the family has been affected. Hes not been so bad recently but, in the past, he has been violent with me. That was a worry and hes also lost his temper with his little sister once or twice (no violence luckily). We told him exactly what CAMHS told us to do if things got worse which was phone the police and have him arrested. We also told him that if social services ever got involved that may not go the way he wanted it especially if there was any danger to his little sister.

As with everything, it went in one ear and out the other and he didnt seem to take it on board at all. Its almost as if he does not comprehend the possible disastrous results of his actions and decides if he feels hes got to do something hes got to do it. He once completely blocked the toilet on a plane even though we'd told him to be careful because of misuse (he will chuck loads and loads of toilet roll down). At the time they didnt know it was him - it was out of action for the rest of the flight 5 hours (can't imagine they were too pleased) but I can imagine there being serious consequences for doing this sort of thing but he just shrugged his shoulder and said oh well.

We go to stay in villa on holiday and tell him please be careful because we'll get charged for plumber callout. Can guarantee within a day the toilet is blocked! This year we went away there was a toilet plunger and we gave it to him and said there we go. He wasnt happy.

As you can imagine we never stay anywhere too long with just one toilet!

In a way this incident was worse than the violence. Losing your temper I can get - its something that needs to be worked on. I was out the garden but yesterday this took place in downstairs bathroom. He actually ran upstairs to get the spray then hijacked her as she came out so he had thought about doing it. Tried to explain to him that he knows its not right and, despite him having issues, he really cannot endanger others.

 

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43 minutes ago, Lynz said:

I honestly think you need to take the bleach/antibac spray off him. You have a duty to your other child too and it's so dangerous for her to be coming into contact with bleach etc. He could blind her if he sprayed into her eyes, that's how dangerous it is. Perhaps tell him that what he is doing is so dangerous that's why you're having to take them off him, otherwise the police/social services will be round if you continued to let him endanger others.

Problem is today its the spray tomorrow its going to be something else. This is what we're finding - he has no boundaries and will do what he feels what he needs to do regardless of the effects on anyone else.

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Well so far so good. We sat him down and said he can use whats left but how about we try no spray afterwards - just hand gel. We explained that its not really working wth cutting down gradually and it was not cleve what he did (which he agrees).

He shrugged his shoulders and said yes ok then. So far so good. We've told him to come and talk to us if he has problems....

 

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