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3 hours ago, Headwreck said:

Thanks so much Hedvig and Emsie. Hope you are both doing well? :)

I had my first tablet today. Last time I took this stuff must have been about 4 years ago and only did a month of it. I have been reading up about it and I'm really scared about side effects, weight gain, cystic acne, worsening of anxiety to the point where it's unbearable. I have a headache, nausea and ears are ringing at the moment but can deal with that as long as not permanent.

Has anyone experienced these sorts of things? 

Also I've read about people saying it's great for OCD, social anxiety, depression and works really well for them but years down the line will just stop working? I'm hoping it helps me with my social anxiety as a side so I'm not so scared to talk and awkward around people but I don't want to become reliant on this if it is going to stop working and then I'm left out on a limb.

I always read up on things, OCD compulsion? I don't know, I don't think so. But I have to know the ins and outs about everything. So now reading up a lot about this medication.

Headwreck stop now, this is a compulsion and will just fuel your anxiety - and you will start imagining, even experiencing because of anxiety, that you have all the side effects. 

I had a feeling in my water that you might do this. :(

Stop checking, stop testing. Determine to do this and get busy on other things. 

What to focus on is what the drug, once it starts to work, does for you now. Forget the future, focus in the now. 

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4 hours ago, Dragonfly said:

They really have helped me so very much! 

At the moment I have no intention at all of coming off of them. If I have to increase my dosage at some point I will too. But, if it’s a choice between how I was feeling before meds to how I feel now, then it’s a no brainier! 

I was never actually sick on them, or had an upset tummy. It was more just felt sick at times. The headaches were more frequent at first than feeling sick, but paracetamol helped with them.  It really was only for a couple of weeks though. If you do get an upset tummy speak to the pharmacist. 

Whilst your on them at first, I would just really look after yourself ie make sure you eat regularly, get a good nights sleep etc. I did get bad dreams at first too, and would literally wake up in the night panicky at times - that may have been why I was tired too!! But again this went after a little while. I think it’s just your body adjusting x

 

 

 

It's really good to hear that you have done so well on them, and as you've said, rather put up with one or two things like that than have any of the mental anguish before taking.

Thanks again for being so persistent about me visiting the Dr. It does feel as though a weight has been lifted; the whole idea of not being able to go and having to deal on my own was weighing heavier than I thought. In my head I now feel as though I've ticked off a task if that makes sense? Don't know but certainly feel a better just for the act of going.

 

4 hours ago, taurean said:

Headwreck stop now, this is a compulsion and will just fuel your anxiety - and you will start imagining, even experiencing because of anxiety, that you have all the side effects. 

I had a feeling in my water that you might do this. :(

Stop checking, stop testing. Determine to do this and get busy on other things. 

What to focus on is what the drug, once it starts to work, does for you now. Forget the future, focus in the now. 

You are right, fair enough :( I don't know if it's an OCD thing, personally I don't think it is as it's not  stressing me out or anything but I just like to know about everything, I get obsessional in that kind of way but not OCD kind of way I think. I read up for an hour or so this morning and last night but nothing since. Was going to have another look but won't. Thanks everyone.

 

Edited by Headwreck
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You’re very welcome Headwreck. 

Good plan not looking up anything else about Sertraline. I’m on it too. Just go with the flow, don’t think too much about it and consult with your GP if any issues arise. They will help you. X

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2 hours ago, Headwreck said:

but I just like to know about everything, I get obsessional in that kind of way but not OCD kind of way I think.

Sounds OCD to me. 

My wife likes to know how things work and why, but she spends little time on it, and certainly not lengthy periods researching, googling, ruminating. 

You may not see it as OCD as you don't feel anxious per se, but the Disorder need not be anxiety or stress. My sister has the compulsive urge to carry out mental rituals, which she knows are pointless, worthless, and there is no fear consequence if she doesn't. But she loses lots of what I call "life" wasting all this time obsessing and compulsing, and all that mental activity tires her out and can make her feel uptight and tense.

Obsessional repetitive thinking followed up by lots of time carrying out compulsions is quality of life lost to worthless activity. Emsie's topic sums this up nicely. 

Edited by taurean
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Stop, stop, stop reading about the medication and side effects. All that will do is raise your anxiety, which can cause physical symptoms  which you will attribute to the meds.

Take your pills as prescribed and get on with your life.

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15 hours ago, Headwreck said:

It's really good to hear that you have done so well on them, and as you've said, rather put up with one or two things like that than have any of the mental anguish before taking.

Thanks again for being so persistent about me visiting the Dr. It does feel as though a weight has been lifted; the whole idea of not being able to go and having to deal on my own was weighing heavier than I thought. In my head I now feel as though I've ticked off a task if that makes sense? Don't know but certainly feel a better just for the act of going.

 

Ah, no need to say thanks at all! 

Quite a few of your threads I could relate to, and it took me too long to get the correct help. I’m so pleased you’re now getting the help you need too! :)

I also like to know about everything, and like you began to google my meds like mad! Like everyone has said though, just go with the flow! Everyone is different! And as I said before about me, some of what I experienced I do wonder if it was because I was looking for symptoms and was hyper alert. 

I found and still find it easier just to concentrate on today!

Stay positive! You’re doing great! :)x

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Thanks all. Just going to take them and see how it goes, I have got headaches, waking up in panic through the night and constant tremors/twitching movements but I can deal with that, don't feel much different mentally though other than a bit fuzzy and inability to cry. Trying not to analyse too much.

I keep trying to remember if I knew about being guilty as there are a lot of things saying I did know. Could it be that I did know but it just didn't bother me but now it does, I've realised it happened? Or how I have maybe falsely believed nothing happened when it did. I was preoccupied with thinking my partner had cheated so it  could be that I did but just never thought about it. Also getting flash backs of the night etc. constantly and reminders everywhere I look. So fed up, really tired mentally and physically, just counting down the days/months/years until I'm old and my body stops. Not even sure I should go through with this possible new job, everything turns sour for me.

Going to start looking for a therapist today, maybe they can help with my awkwardness with people etc as I feel so isolated with no friends or family to turn to.

 

Edited by Headwreck
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The keeping trying to remember won't help you Headwreck. It's a compulsion and you know compulsions just make things worse. 

And OCD fabricates - plus like the conveyor belt of prizes to choose in The Generation Game - it presents us with a conveyor belt of lies falsehoods suggestions and alleged connections to sew doubt and confusion. 

Each time this happens don't be fooled by it. Stop ✋ that line of thought and refocus away Keep doing this until it happens automatically. 

This will itself at first tire you mentally but it's a case of short term pain for long term gain. 

If I can do this - and I have - so can you. Very many people have also learned to do this successfully. 

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A good CBT therapist should certainly be able to help you with social anxieties. 

Remember, OCD seeks to add layers of restrictions to our daily lives and these only help to marginalise us, and aid the cognitive distortion of mind-reading, where we think negative things about what others think of us, even though there is actually no evidence to support that. 

OCD sought to do this to me. But I fought it and overcame it - and became very much a socialite, a real "IT" boy :)

and still am very much a social person. 

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Yes, try not to analyse, and just concentrate on the here and now! It will be tempting to think sometimes etc, as that’s been your normal, but it will get easier. 

As I said I had bad dreams etc, but before you know it, it will level out. I sleep better than ever now! 

I had a previous therapist telling me to go for a run when I was anxious or do exercise. I’ve never really been a gym fan or exercise really for that matter, but I do run sometimes now, and I have dogs so I walk. It really does help! 

Stay positive, you’re doing so well! X

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5 hours ago, Headwreck said:

tremors/twitching movements but I can deal with that

I recently went back up on my medication after trying a lower dose (spoiler: it was not a good idea it turns out, but feeling much better now).  I've noticed some muscle twitching and asked my doctor about it.  He said its not unusual because of the effect on Serotonin that SSRIs have.  It seems to be dying down again though, so hopefully as your body adjusts to the medication any side effects you are having will fade away too.

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Apart from the diarrhoea I initially experienced, I found I needed to take the drug no later than 19.00 hrs, otherwise it would keep me awake at night. 

Some OCD sufferers, especially those with OCD around health worries, will read the possible side effects, obsess that they might get them, then start to - from that imagining - appear to experience those symptoms. 

This is just another unfortunate example of how OCD throws spanners into works. 

I think the way to deal is to accept that there may be some initial side effects. 

With the adverse imagining I think it may be best to see if you might be imagining the symptoms, understand what is happening, and practice leaving the fear be and getting on with other things. And see if things improve. 

But some side effects may require immediate medical advice to be be sought - as described in the leaflet accompanying the medication. 

 

 

Edited by taurean
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14 hours ago, Headwreck said:

Thanks all. Just going to take them and see how it goes, I have got headaches, waking up in panic through the night and constant tremors/twitching movements but I can deal with that, don't feel much different mentally though other than a bit fuzzy and inability to cry. Trying not to analyse too much.

I keep trying to remember if I knew about being guilty as there are a lot of things saying I did know. Could it be that I did know but it just didn't bother me but now it does, I've realised it happened? Or how I have maybe falsely believed nothing happened when it did. I was preoccupied with thinking my partner had cheated so it  could be that I did but just never thought about it. Also getting flash backs of the night etc. constantly and reminders everywhere I look. So fed up, really tired mentally and physically, just counting down the days/months/years until I'm old and my body stops. Not even sure I should go through with this possible new job, everything turns sour for me.

Going to start looking for a therapist today, maybe they can help with my awkwardness with people etc as I feel so isolated with no friends or family to turn to.

 

Your second paragraph is you ruminating. All those questions you asked don't have to be answered. Stop trying to answer them. That's where you get into trouble.

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My nerves are through the roof today. Really bad. I've spent all morning ruminating. My heart feels like it's in my throat. I'd usually be in tears by now but I physically don't feel like I can cry? Why is my life like this? Why can't I just be normal? I don't want to go into work, I can't face it but I have to. I feel like my whole body is shaking like a leaf and chest is so tight.

People say I have to stop believing the OCD and thinking about the event, but what if the thing I'm worried about is a very possible thing? What if it happened? I think it did happen. I can't remember a lot of the night. I think I tricked myself into thinking it didn't. Or justified it to myself but now forgot. Or forced myself not to think about it. How was I so okay with this before now? Why did I ever think it was a good idea? And why did I think I was innocent before now, maybe because I didn't think about it properly. I deserve nothing good, maybe this is my comeuppance.

I don't know how to help myself, I've had no luck finding a therapist yet so I'm scared I'm just going to be taking medication for no reason. I don't know what to do. I am a nervous wreck.

Edited by Headwreck
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5 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

People say I have to stop believing the OCD and thinking about the event, but what if the thing I'm worried about is a very possible thing? I think it did happen. But I tricked myself into thinking it didn't. Or forced myself not to think about it. How was I so okay with this before now? Why did I ever think it was a good idea? I deserve nothing good, maybe this is my comeuppance.

I don't know how to help myself, I've had no luck finding a therapist yet so I'm scared I'm just going to be taking medication for no reason. I don't know what to do. I am a nervous wreck.

Hang in there Headwreck!

It doesn't  matter if the thing you fear is possible or not, most of the things OCD people fear are possible.  The issue is not possibility, its that the anxiety and response are not rational in relation to the intrusive thought.

Consider for example a person who has high anxiety that their family might be killed in a car crash.  Is that possible? Sadly yes, it is.  But is worrying about it constantly, ruminating over it all the time, and performing rituals to try and respond to that anxiety a logical, reasonable way to react?  No, its not.

The doubt you are feeling about the feared incident (did it happen or not?  Did i trick myself? Why was I ok with it then but not now? etc. etc.) those are all OCD driven worries.  They are all doubt.  They are all anxiety.  You need to focus on letting those thoughts pass by, not analyze them, not engage with them, not consider them.  Its hard, I understand, but its the same pattern over and over and you need to break the pattern.

Here's what you do:
 - Continue taking the medication
 - Continue working to find a therapist
 - Work on reducing/stopping your compulsions (such as ruminating)
 - Pick up one of the self-guided/self-help books available from OCD-UK (or your favorite online retailer, or local bookstore)
 - Take it one day at a time

Its definitely not fun to deal with OCD, but you can definitely do this.

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3 hours ago, dksea said:

Hang in there Headwreck!

It doesn't  matter if the thing you fear is possible or not, most of the things OCD people fear are possible.  The issue is not possibility, its that the anxiety and response are not rational in relation to the intrusive thought.

Consider for example a person who has high anxiety that their family might be killed in a car crash.  Is that possible? Sadly yes, it is.  But is worrying about it constantly, ruminating over it all the time, and performing rituals to try and respond to that anxiety a logical, reasonable way to react?  No, its not.

The doubt you are feeling about the feared incident (did it happen or not?  Did i trick myself? Why was I ok with it then but not now? etc. etc.) those are all OCD driven worries.  They are all doubt.  They are all anxiety.  You need to focus on letting those thoughts pass by, not analyze them, not engage with them, not consider them.  Its hard, I understand, but its the same pattern over and over and you need to break the pattern.

Here's what you do:
 - Continue taking the medication
 - Continue working to find a therapist
 - Work on reducing/stopping your compulsions (such as ruminating)
 - Pick up one of the self-guided/self-help books available from OCD-UK (or your favorite online retailer, or local bookstore)
 - Take it one day at a time

Its definitely not fun to deal with OCD, but you can definitely do this.

But the issue is that I have all these questions even when I'm not especially anxious. It's constant, anxiety or not, which makes me guess it can't be OCD related. I go to sleep and it's as if I'm waiting to wake up one morning and not think I've done this anymore.

I'll keep looking for a therapist as you've advised but I just can't see it doing much good as I don't think my problem can be therapised away.

Edited by Headwreck
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1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

But the issue is that I have all these questions even when I'm not especially anxious. It's constant, anxiety or not, which makes me guess it can't be OCD related. I go to sleep and it's as if I'm waiting to wake up one morning and not think I've done this anymore.

I'll keep looking for a therapist as you've advised but I just can't see it doing much good as I don't think my problem can be therapised away.

I think it can be resolved in therapy, but you will need to co-operate fully with the therapist, work through the tasks they set you, and be committed to keeping on the programme despite challenges and setbacks. 

It's part of OCD to be fooled into thinking it might not be OCD. 

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You have some great advice from everyone above Headwreck. 

Remember what I said, that all this thinking has become your ‘norm’, so it’s no wonder you are tempted to ruminate still at times. If you don’t it ‘doesn’t feel right’, so the OCD then starts it’s game again! This is where a good therapist comes in though! And yes, it can and does work, but you have to commit to it, and it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it!  It sometimes feels like it gets worse before it gets better, but it will get better! Your meds will take a little while until you feel the full effect too, but it will happen. This is why I was saying make sure you try to get enough sleep, eat regularly and make sure you give yourself a little reward at the end of each day, maybe chocolate, fav magazine, trip to cinema or out for meal etc

Call your doctors and ask for some recommendations for a therapist, or maybe you could ask one of the moderators here for some suggestions if they have any, for your area. 

If we could all just label OCD as such and then just get on with our day, this forum wouldn’t have many members! OCD loves to trick us and get us questioning everything - don’t let it win! x

 

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18 hours ago, Headwreck said:

My nerves are through the roof today. Really bad. I've spent all morning ruminating. My heart feels like it's in my throat. I'd usually be in tears by now but I physically don't feel like I can cry? Why is my life like this? Why can't I just be normal? I don't want to go into work, I can't face it but I have to. I feel like my whole body is shaking like a leaf and chest is so tight.

People say I have to stop believing the OCD and thinking about the event, but what if the thing I'm worried about is a very possible thing? What if it happened? I think it did happen. I can't remember a lot of the night. I think I tricked myself into thinking it didn't. Or justified it to myself but now forgot. Or forced myself not to think about it. How was I so okay with this before now? Why did I ever think it was a good idea? And why did I think I was innocent before now, maybe because I didn't think about it properly. I deserve nothing good, maybe this is my comeuppance.

I don't know how to help myself, I've had no luck finding a therapist yet so I'm scared I'm just going to be taking medication for no reason. I don't know what to do. I am a nervous wreck.

Your second paragraph, once again, is you ruminating. We've told you umpteen times that you have to stop trying to answer those questions. That is what gets you into trouble.

As for what if it's all true, what if? You are stuck in such a rut that you can't see that the repercussions of cheating on your boyfriend would pale in comparison to the hell you have put yourself through this past year. 

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15 hours ago, Headwreck said:

But the issue is that I have all these questions even when I'm not especially anxious. It's constant, anxiety or not, which makes me guess it can't be OCD related. I go to sleep and it's as if I'm waiting to wake up one morning and not think I've done this anymore.

Ok, I think I can see where some of the misunderstanding is coming from.  Yes anxiety is part of OCD, but that anxiety isn't constant, it would be virtually impossible for your body to constantly stay in a state of anxiety.  Its absolutely "normal" for someone with OCD to continue to be having their intrusive thoughts, even when they aren't feeling acute high levels of anxiety.  When I am struggling it happens to me, an intrusive thought will just get stuck there and i'll constantly be ruminating on it, thinking about it, can't seem to get it to go away.  Yes at times that causes me to have significant anxiety, but its not always like that.

With OCD you aren't going to go from thinking about something constantly to waking up the next day and not think about it at all.  Human brains just don't work that way.  So you spend a significant amount of time the previous day thinking about your intrusive thought, but you wish it would go away, that it wouldn't bother you anymore, that you'd just forget about it.  So you wake up the next morning, and one of your first thoughts is "am I gonna think about that thing today?" and wham, its right back in your head.  On a computer you can issue a command to delete a file, and then its gone.  In the human brain, it doesn't work that way.  

Here is a popular example:  
First, I want you to imagine a pink car.
Second, I want you to stop thinking about pink cars, I want you to completely forget pink cars.  Don't think about them at all.

The harder you try to NOT think about pink cars, the harder you WILL think about them, because the act of saying "don't think about pink cars" is itself thinking about pink cars.

The trick, and it sounds simple but in practice is tough, is to not DWELL on your thoughts about the thing you don't want to worry about.  In other words, you can't make the thought suddenly stop, but you CAN stop responding to it.  The problem is not the thought/memory/worry.  Dwelling on it, analyzing it, etc. that is where the problem lies.  In order to overcome OCD and claim back your life you don't have to stop having the thought.  You have to stop responding to the thought compulsively and wasting so much time on it.  As a result, in time you will notice the thought less and less, and it will eventually fade in to the background like other thoughts, but thats not the main goal.  The main goal is to stop wasting time on the responses to that thought (or any other that gets "stuck" because of OCD.

As a practical example, i'll use myself.  The event that precipitated my OCD onset was throwing up in front of my class during school. Of course it was embarrassing and all, and no one would want to go through that, but for me it became much worse.  I became obsessed with the fear it could happen again, and, as a result would worry constantly anytime i felt even the slightest stomach twinge.  The event itself was real.  The possibly it could happen again was also real.  But the amount of time I spent worrying about it, the degree to which I feared it happening again, that was WAY outside of what would otherwise be normal behavior for a non-OCD person who experience the same situation.  The OCD made me feel like the only way I could be ok was if I could be certain that the feared event could never happen again.  But of course, that is completely unrealistic.  Who knows what might happen in the future?  And if it did happen again, so what? Was it really as big a deal as my brain was making it out to be?  Recovering from that fear didn't mean never thinking about what had happened or never worrying something similar could happen again, it involved getting to the point where I mostly didn't care.  That I spent almost 0 time dwelling on the possibility.  That I stopped wasting time on "what ifs" and "what can I do to prevent this..".  That was 25 years ago now.  I can still remember the day, I can still think about the possibility of something similar happening now, say at work.  But now, if that thought pops in to my head, or, as I am doing now, I intentionally bring it up, it doesn't cause me to ruminate.  I don't waste any time on it.  The event itself still happened, I can't change that.  Another, similar event could happen again in the future, I can't prevent that aside from living in complete seclusion or something else ridiculous.  But my response changed.  I learned over time (and with the help of medication) to not dwell on it.  I had to work at it, I had to put in effort.  It didn't happen overnight.  I didn't just wake up one day and never think about it again.  Slowly, as I ruminated on it less and less, it stopped being as important in my brain and I did eventually think about it less and less, but the focus was on ending the rumination not ending the thought.

Long post short: Your experience still sounds 100% like OCD to me.  Everything you describe, the doubt, the not always feeling anxiety, the hoping you'll wake up the next day and not care, etc. I have been through myself.  I have no doubt in my mind that its OCD you are struggling with.  Therapy can definitely help you get through this.  Not because you'll have some sudden revelation about your repressed childhood or something like that, but because you'll learn how to refocus your efforts and approach the problem differently than before.  You'll learn steps to take to respond to these thoughts in a way that will help you move forward rather than fall back in to the same cycle over and over.  OCD is painful and frustrating, but absolutely treatable and manageable.  You can do it too!
 

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