Question for Harm OCD sufferers

[Atlantis]

Thankfully I'm about to start intense OCD treatment at a specalist clinic in Germany renowned for its ERP / CBT programme. So I'm hoping that this will be one of the last posts I make on here to do with my own OCD. 

For nearly 20 years, my OCD has been about acting inappropriately towards kids, or people that I love like family etc. Violent thoughts and urges have sometimes led to small but deliberate movements  with various parts of my body in close proximity to the other person, where I have felt that I've wanted to make contact with their genitals. Nothings ever happened, no contact ever made but I just wanted to ask if anyone has felt sheer anger towards the subjects i.e. the other person, even hatred? 

I know I have and I blame it solely on the phobic response or flight or fight, because without OCD I don't hate anyone or anything that my fear is focused on. If that makes sense?

 

[PolarBear]

Is it possible you feel anger toward the subjects of your obsessions because in your mind they are the cause for the thoughts?

[Atlantis]

Oh definitely, whilst I know it's not their fault, it's still only present when they are present. I suppose it's the same as an arachnophobe hates spiders. 

[Atlantis]

Can anyone else relate?

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Could it be that you are searching for other people who have your thoughts to verify that it is OCD? It is possible to have thoughts and themes which nobody else have. Who knows some day they maybe remove OCD from the diagnostic manual

Edited September 23, 2018 by OCDhavenobrain

[OB1]

I suffered with this for many years and have every sympathy with you but it sounds like you are on the right track. It is possible to get past.

I think it's a natural response to feel anger in a situation that triggers a fear that you are going to act in a way that goes against your core values.  It's a fight or flight response.

About 15 years ago I was in a very bad place with OCD and remember feeling angry with my loved ones (who my OCD was saying I would harm).  They wanted me to stay with some close relatives (to look after me for a few days) but my OCD was saying I would harm them too if I went to stay. So whichever choice I made I was going to harm someone I loved (that's OCD for you).  I was very angry about that because I was very very scared and couldn't run away (metaphorically or physically).

Also is it possible you think you have the thoughts about harm because you are angry with the person you are afraid of harming?  This was another way my OCD got me into endless compulsions.  Before I was diagnosed I used to think I was having thoughts about harming certain people because I had some hidden anger towards them, utter nonsense.

Hope that is helpful.  

 

[OB1]

On ‎23‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 01:47, PolarBear said:

Is it possible you feel anger toward the subjects of your obsessions because in your mind they are the cause for the thoughts?

What he said