Being a parent

[ExpectoPatronum]

4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

No, it's entirely within the realm of OCD. It is OCD. What you are doing is not normal. Simple.

Some people with OCD have poor insight. They have a tough time seeing the irrationality of their thoughts and actions. Doesn't mean they don't have OCD.

Quite simply, if you're okay with doing what you are doing, go for it. But if it is or becomes a problem, then you have to deal with it. OCD almost always gets worse over time. It won't get better on it's own.

 

Ok, thank you. I guess it’s possible that I have poor insight. I just don’t know if I can be convinced that what I’m doing is irrational because it seems so right to me. If it starts interfering with other people’s lives, though, I agree that I need to try to change who I am. Thank you for your help. 

[dksea]

7 hours ago, ExpectoPatronum said:

I just don’t know if I can be convinced that what I’m doing is irrational because it seems so right to me.

This is from the first post in this thread, in your own words:
 

Quote

I feel so immensely guilty because I have exposed my kids to chemicals and potential carcinogens. It’s not on purpose, but I did it before I was aware of the research. I know that’s not an excuse, and I should have researched these things before now. I feel massively guilty and bad, and like a terrible parent. I feel like punishing myself, so I keep reading articles about harmful effects and the harm I could have done.

This level of guilt and compulsive researching is definitely irrational because it is out of balance with normal, healthy behavior and is causing you a great deal of distress.

To be clear, I am not saying its a bad thing to consider the products you use and the health of yourself and your family. That, in general is ok.  The problem is the degree to which you engage in this behavior and the stress and anxiety it causes to you and your family.  Forgive me if I've already used this analogy in this thread or not, but its still apt.  Its normal and healthy to wash your hands before or after certain activities.  Before eating a meal its a good idea.  After using the toilet its a great idea (and if you don't, ewww ).  If your hands are dirty from gardening or fixing your car or something, its a good idea.  But it can also be taken to an unhealthy extreme, washing repeatedly until you feel "clean" enough.  Washing until your skin is raw.  Constantly washing after every possible minor contamination.  The problem isn't that the underlying behavior is inherently illogical, its the degree to which you engage in it.

In your case the level of effort and resulting anxiety related to household products is excessive compared to the level of risk.  If you were to apply this same level of scrutiny and guilt to OTHER sources of potential risk to your family, you'd never let them leave the house, in fact you'd have to lock them up in padded rooms!

Its normal and healthy to consider what products you use.  If you hear about something concerning in your day to day life, say for example BPA based plastics, its reasonable to learn a little more (from reputable, scientifically backed sources) and modify your life, perhaps the next time you buy a reusable water bottle you look for one thats BPA free.  On the other hand it would be irrational (and likely impossible) to try and avoid all possible points of contact with BPA.

The reality is you are willing (rationally so) to accept that you and your family and your friends are exposed to risk every second of every day.  You can (and should) do the same about this particular area too. 

[ExpectoPatronum]

15 hours ago, dksea said:

The reality is you are willing (rationally so) to accept that you and your family and your friends are exposed to risk every second of every day.  You can (and should) do the same about this particular area too. 

This is a good point, and I suppose there is a much greater chance of getting in a car accident, foodborne illness, disease, etc. than potential exposure to a chemical. Risks that are taken everyday, and also risks that I worry about.

Unfortunately I tend to just trade off one obsession for another, so at least I guess I can take comfort in the fact that the chemical obsession will soon be replaced by something else in the future (and perhaps a risk that actually has a higher probability of occurring).

[PolarBear]

Or perhaps less. The thing is, if your obsessions change, you'll still be stuck. You'll still have OCD, no matter the flavor. You'll still be spending way too much time on irrational thinking and behavior.

Or, you can start to learn to effectively deal with OCD. Fight back. What you learn with this obsession will be applicable to all obsessions.

Edited November 2, 2018 by PolarBear

[compulsivflyer]

I wrote a 2 part blog post on parenting with OCD and the implications it had on me and potentially on my wife and children a few years ago when I was completing my recovery.

Not sure if i'm allowed to link to it in here, but it's easy enough to find and might be interesting.   It's on my compulsivflyer wordpress blog titled "OCD & the Implications to Bringing Up Children".

Steve