OCD and personal/emotional development

[scirocco]

Hi 

it’s been a long time since i posted on here. To recap I was diagnosed with OCD in my 30s having had a number of crises and developing panic disorder. Once diagnosed I realized I had suffered with horrible intrusive thoughts since I was 8 or 9. So I’ve had violent thoughts, taboo religious thoughts and the whole gamut of sexual OCD stuff. Unsurprisingly it’s the paedophilic related and gay fears OCD that has stuck and general ocd about inappropriate sexual attraction.

Various events in my life have made me take stock of myself recently. I realised that I am quite an odd isolated individual with few friends. I am also very emotionally immature at 44 and tend to over share with people. I have not made plans in my life and tend to live and think from day to day. I have avoided taking responsibility for myself. Here I am middle aged, in a difficult childless marriage.

I am taking stock and looking to make some positive change in myself. I have come off medication (my own decision) and seem to be managing. I’m definitely less fatigued and feel more emotion, both happiness and sadness. I’m thinking of joining a support group or seeing a counsellor regularly. I’ve avoided clubs and social interaction all my life which is probably due to OCD and avoidance.

I’m not looking for excuses but just interested to know if any other older OCD sufferers have similar experiences. Okay! I’m probably looking for reassurance that I’m not just a bad person!  

[Orwell1984]

Hi. Having all the thought themes you have had and continue to struggle with, it is no wonder you have felt socially isolated and have avoided social things because you've been feeling so bad. The times you have socialised, you say you tend to overshare- I struggle with this also- and of course that gives people fodder to use against you or at least you may feel embarrassed about or guilty that you've overshared and broken some social rule. The thing is to keep socialising but have a counsellor to discuss these things with so you can build different responses, ease your anxiety in social situations and become more confident in your interactions. I have a partner around your age who is similarly not so confident in social situations and both of us overshare at times or selectively stay mute. Have you looked at aspergers? I recently found out I have aspergers and it has explained a lot. Look into it.  

[scirocco]

I have wondered about Asperger, but I think i display some traits of autism rather than 100%. I just think i’ve devoted so much time and energy to surviving or just getting by everyday that I haven’t developed emotionally or personally. I’m not where or who I would like to be at this age. Back to Asperger, I certainly like to bore people with obscure bits of knowledge.

[Orwell1984]

21 minutes ago, scirocco said:

I have wondered about Asperger, but I think i display some traits of autism rather than 100%. I just think i’ve devoted so much time and energy to surviving or just getting by everyday that I haven’t developed emotionally or personally. I’m not where or who I would like to be at this age. Back to Asperger, I certainly like to bore people with obscure bits of knowledge.

I had always thought that I couldn't be asperger because I could hold a conversation and I don't rock or flap, I understand sarcasm and I am not especially gifted with numbers but the stereotypical idea of someone with autism  that we think of (e.g. Rain man) is not the reality. What you said about devoting so much time and energy to surviving and getting by at the expense of developing emotionally or personally is exactly how I've experienced my life too. I've noticed it with other people with aspergers I've met in recent months post diagnosis. It's worth linking into imho.

 

it is possible to be autistic/aspergers and have OCD alongside. The OCD having developed as a coping response (the mind trying to make sense of everything and latching onto ideas, emotions and sensations) to the high levels of anxiety that aspergers brings.

Edited September 23, 2018 by Orwell1984

[Wonderer]

Hey, I am suspected Aspergers, my son has Aspergers and OCD, I have 2 close friends and a group of “mates” who I don’t really see but stay in touch with, I too have a problem with socialising, I also bore people with knowledge of whatever my latest “thing” is lol, I like my daily routine, my cleaning (non ocd) cooking and organising my family, I can go and do things outside of my routine but do prefer to have prior lnowledge as I don’t do last minute very well! My therapist said that almost 90% of people with OCD he sees have autism as well, it is a symptom of autism in the majority of autistic people. However it’s not of course set in stone that u must have autism to have OCD! It’s such a huge spectrum though so a lot of people don’t think they have it, or just have “traits” of it, when in reality they do have it but are on the higher functioning end of the spectrum, but, I suppose what really matters is U have identified where u have difficulties and want to change, so the diagnosis probably won’t make an iota of a difference to u, it’s what u do about the difficult symptoms u are experiencing that counts! X