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Rock and a hard place


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sorry i hd to make a new account of the sparklesmango one. for some reason it would not let me in and i got locked out of my email also.

im really struggling here, due to the fact, that if you read my thread I would like some help, medically/professionaly but have trepidation expressing the issue, given the sensitive nature and possible misconstruing. I just want to know from a doctor this isnt possible, I want to get better, however I can but i dont know how.

 

My family my own sister is a mental health nurse, and my mother has very little time for me, its so difficult.

 

I had a job and my own place, then my relationship was very strained two weeks into my baby life my girlfriend and i fell out massively, and she left, i told her to, but since then she would not come back, and im so depressed she doesnt see how she took everything from me, and left and does very little to facilitate a relationship with me and my daughter, she lives quite far away i just cant take all this overwhelming stress and pressure, if i could just get better form this it would be a start

ive blamed my mother for being like this because i was so stressed out from all this i stopped working, im not working now, my mother all she did was scream at me, now im in this position with this checking  i did, that i never was in before i was strugglin but getting by ive ended up back at home

god my life is just a reck, im honestly venturing on being suicidal somedays.

 

:(

 

any further input would be appreciated.

 

 

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What happened is that you had one or more intrusive thoughts that you did something really bad. That distressed you. In response, you started doing compulsions. The biggest one is ruminating. I'll bet you've been thinking about this constantly. That's a compulsion.

The other compulsion you are doing is reassurance seeking. You want reassurance that everything is okay. You asked a doctor. You were told everything is fine and to stop worrying. But alas, that didn't make you feel better. The thoughts and doubt persist, so you came here looking for more reassurance.

It won't work. Trust that this is OCD. Or at least take a leap of faith that it is. Try to curb your ruminating. Stop asking for reassurance. Get on with your days and let these thoughts wither and die.

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14 hours ago, PolarBear said:

What happened is that you had one or more intrusive thoughts that you did something really bad. That distressed you. In response, you started doing compulsions. The biggest one is ruminating. I'll bet you've been thinking about this constantly. That's a compulsion.

The other compulsion you are doing is reassurance seeking. You want reassurance that everything is okay. You asked a doctor. You were told everything is fine and to stop worrying. But alas, that didn't make you feel better. The thoughts and doubt persist, so you came here looking for more reassurance.

It won't work. Trust that this is OCD. Or at least take a leap of faith that it is. Try to curb your ruminating. Stop asking for reassurance. Get on with your days and let these thoughts wither and die.

thank you for the response, completely take it on board, you're right. easier said than done eh. damit!

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44 minutes ago, cookiemonster said:

I suggest a gp review and maybe some therapy. You are ruminating about the situation which will not change it. You need to take control of your life.

thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. no it wont you are right. god i hate this damn disorder. im exhausted, from ruminating all day. yep all day.

 

sometimes i wish i could just get hit on the head and it change this bloody brain.

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i cant stop ruminating about this, i jsut keep thinking what if mine is different what if for some reason this damaged, caused an unruptured anuerysm its like I know the pressure wasnt that great but because it went far in it just makes me think, and i cant check so my heads like well either something happens or it doesnt but theres nothing u can do about it and that scares me because, what if something does?

 

i know im saying what if alot, but i dunno, im so depressed with this, not going to lie im even slightly suicidal at times.

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The way you overcome OCD is through willingness to change the way you think and behave, learning how to do that and what you need to do, then putting it into practice and working hard. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the way forward, preferably taught and supervised by a qualified therapist. At the very least you need to get a hold of a good CBT book, read it, learn it, understand it and do it.

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

The way you overcome OCD is through willingness to change the way you think and behave, learning how to do that and what you need to do, then putting it into practice and working hard. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the way forward, preferably taught and supervised by a qualified therapist. At the very least you need to get a hold of a good CBT book, read it, learn it, understand it and do it.

thats erp though right not traditional cbt?

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52 minutes ago, humbleno1 said:

thats erp though right not traditional cbt?

ERP is Exposure and Response Prevention.  You intentionally expose yourself to a trigger, which causes you to feel anxiety, but instead of responding with a compulsion you do nothing for as long as you can and let the anxiety subside on its own.  You repeat this procedure over time to desensitize yourself to the feared trigger.  

CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy involves adjusting how you conceptualize and respond to thoughts.  For example learning to recognize that a thought is an intrusive one, but changing how you respond to it.  Simplified example:
Before CBT: "I just had a bad thought about my mother, that must mean something bad is going to happen to her if I don't do my ritual!"
After CBT: "I just had a bad thought about my mother, but its just a thought, it doesn't mean anything and I don't have to do anything about it."

They are similar in that the goal is to retrain your brain to respond in a more healthy fashion to intrusive thoughts, but they aren't exactly the same. 

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3 minutes ago, dksea said:

ERP is Exposure and Response Prevention.  You intentionally expose yourself to a trigger, which causes you to feel anxiety, but instead of responding with a compulsion you do nothing for as long as you can and let the anxiety subside on its own.  You repeat this procedure over time to desensitize yourself to the feared trigger.  

CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy involves adjusting how you conceptualize and respond to thoughts.  For example learning to recognize that a thought is an intrusive one, but changing how you respond to it.  Simplified example:
Before CBT: "I just had a bad thought about my mother, that must mean something bad is going to happen to her if I don't do my ritual!"
After CBT: "I just had a bad thought about my mother, but its just a thought, it doesn't mean anything and I don't have to do anything about it."

They are similar in that the goal is to retrain your brain to respond in a more healthy fashion to intrusive thoughts, but they aren't exactly the same. 

so given my scenario here what would be a way i could do erp?

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38 minutes ago, humbleno1 said:

so given my scenario here what would be a way i could do erp?

There are different opinions about EPR. I happen to think it can be useful, in conjunction with, and providing the cognitive ground work has been thoroughly laid down. 

humbleno1, I suspect that you know the score - being a long time sufferer - and much of the advice you're received here strikes me as excellent.

Implement it! (and yes, no one's saying it's easy - but it's a lot better than the alternative!)

Cheers. 

PS re your rock and a hard place. With OCD you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. Don't forget though, you're a hell of a lot more damned if you jump to OCD's tune. 

Edited by paradoxer
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4 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

so given my scenario here what would be a way i could do erp?

With the caveats that its generally most effective to do ERP with the help of a trained mental health professional, and it might not be the best approach for all situations, in your case the applicable ERP approach is probably imagined exposure.  Basically you write (or record yourself or someone) as detailed a scenario as you can imagining the feared thought (and possible outcomes).  You then read/listen to it and prevent yourself from engaging in compulsions and just sit with the anxiety for as long as you can.  You repeat this process over time (perhaps at first you only read it once and then sit with the anxiety, later you read it multiple times and sit with the anxiety each time) and over time the specific scenario will not instill as much anxiety in you.  Depending on how you feel you can try to create an even more detailed/anxiety causing scenario and repeat or if you feel sufficiently improved you can stop and move on with your life.

Having said all that I highly recommend, again, working with a mental help professional to best fashion a plan, or at the very least picking up a book/workbook to help guide you through this.  It may be that CBT is a better approach for your particular problem, or that there are steps you can take before you are ready for ERP.

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Hi humbleno

I get worries about real things that happened too.  The thing to understand is that OCD blows small things way out of proportion.  You're feeding the OCD and giving it attention by trying to figure it all out.  The key is to work at leaving it unresolved, not engaging with it, not doing anything - by doing this you teach your brain that the thought is unimportant.  Of course you want certainty that this is really OCD and not a real issue - but unfortunately you can't get that certainty, no matter how hard you try (and the more you try, the more uncertain you will feel.)  However if you work at leaving it alone, leaving it uncertain and doubtful and grey - your brain will come to realise that it isn't important and you will stop feeling anxious about it.  You have to take a leap of faith and put the cart before the horse, so to speak - the certainty will come later (or not, but you won't care by that point.)

Take care x

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