I’m a complete mess, going to funeral soon

[Ollie46]

I’m aware that I’ve been posting a lot on this forum lately and I’m sorry for that, I’ve come from not posting anything for years to posting every few days, hope I’m not occupying too much space in the threads or anything and thanks to all who reply to my messages and support me

i just feel like I’m having to learn everything again. The first time I posted here, I didn’t take the advice given to me and now I’m in my current situation where I am as bad as I was when I first started suffering. The past three days have been particularly bad, ruminating all the time and it feels like when I’m not thinking about it, it’s still there at the back of my head.

I feel like an utter mess, I’m going home for my grandmothers funeral and the state I’m in is absolutely atrocious. I feel like my sexual obsessions have completely taken me over. My mind is always racing, I have these weird moments where it just feels completely real and I’m having multiple anxiety attacks a day. I actually feel like I’m losing my damn mind right now, it’s an all too familiar feeling that I hate.. I have been putting into practice the basics of OCD and have seen improvements here and there when I do, but most of the time I’m in a totally rubbish state. It’s starting to feel like I will just never come back from this place.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Ollie,

Firstly - never feel bad for posting on the forum, that's what we're here for!

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment.  I can identify a lot with what you say.  

I think the first thing you need to do is just... breathe, and pause. Just for a moment.  Things are tough at the moment, OCD has the upper hand and you're struggling - that's a hard place to be in and you need to just be gentle with yourself.  Pause for a moment and just say, OK, this is rough, it's OK for me not to have it together right now, it's OK for me not to solve this all at once.  I know all this sounds cheesy but one thing I've really learned over the last few months is that it's important to be your own friend, and give yourself a break.  If a close friend of yours was going through this, how would you speak to them? Gently? That's how you need to be with yourself.  

You're going through a tough time anyway with your grandmother's funeral - anyone would find that difficult - and OCD on top of that just makes it harder.  My advice would be to just take this slow, take it one hour, or minute, at a time, and be gentle and patient with yourself as much as you can.  As you've seen before, OCD can be overcome but it can't be overcome all at once - the best you can do is just make little changes in how you respond, where you can. And after a while these little changes will start to add up, and will become a habit, like they were before.  But it won't happen all at once and don't beat yourself for that.  You're only human! 

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time and I really hope you start to feel better soon.

GBG xx  

Edited October 1, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[taurean]

It's tough at first time going to a family funeral, whatever mental state we otherwise happen to be in. 

And the funeral of a grandparent will often be that first experience, as was mine. I never knew my paternal grandparents, or my maternal grandfather, but my maternal grandmother and I were very very close. 

She had a terminal cancer, we had time to prepare, but it still hit me hard - and my OCD flared up a little at the time, due to the stress. 

But my grandmother had left a great tip behind with my mother - to treat our bodies purely as an overcoat, for which we no longer have need when we pass away. 

That comforted me then, and prepared me well for other losses as I have gone through life. And as we do so, we find ourselves coming to terms much easier with the cycle of life. 

My wife and I now see family life as an ongoing relay. When someone dies they simply hand the batton on within the family

I hope this helps you and comforts you. 

All the best Ollie 

Roy 

[taurean]

Ollie you are having a really bad episode of OCD. 

We can no doubt all relate to that - when it seizes control and obsessional thoughts churn and we agonise and ruminate. 

Remember OCD lies. And with sexual themes it takes our core values in this regard and alleges the opposite could be true. 

Understanding and accepting this is the cognitive core to breaking free of this. 

As GBG says, using some relaxation exercises can help calm body and mind. 

Then when things improve a little, stopping when we realise we are ruminating and deliberately refocusing away, and continuing to do this until it becomes the replacement learned behaviour, will be the way forward. 

This will pass. I had multiple episodes of OCD over the years before working this methodology alongside mindfulness and being kind to myself. So I know you can overcome this. 

Edited October 1, 2018 by taurean

[PolarBear]

Hey Ollie.

Look, someone close to you died. Now you're going to her funeral. Think about it. Under normal circumstances, that has a profound effect on people. Everyone grieves. Their days get turned upside down. Their mental health can easily revert to a poor state, as they process the loss. Now take all of that and add to it OCD. We have talked often on the forum about how stress makes OCD worse. We all know that. Think about the stress you are currently under. Your emotions are churning, your mental health is fragile. It's a perfect recipe for OCD to rear its ugly head and try to take hold again.

Breathe. Just breathe. Do your best to relax. Understand that you are in a unique circumstance right now and your mental health will improve in time. Focus on your family right now. Yes, the thoughts may be there, trying to intrude and make themselves known, but tell yourself you really don't have the time or energy for them right now, because your focus needs to be on your family and getting through the funeral.

Above all else, take care of yourself.

[Ollie46]

Thank you all so much for your replies, I honestly needed to hear all of that right now! I did what you all said and just took a moment to accept that I’m going through a difficult point at the moment and realise that this is okay, and that I can’t fix it all overnight and I honestly felt so liberated afterwards.

I realised that these past few weeks, that’s been my exact problem- I’m going through a setback, and because of that I’ve been desperate to fix it immediately and get back to where I was, and every time I slipped it made me more stressed out and everything got worse. Accepting that it will take time and I will have to make small changes that will add up honestly lifted a big weight from my shoulders because yesterday I was so stressed that I could barely talk to anybody! Now I feel much better and am just taking it as it goes and being kinder to myself  

Thank you so much again everyone, the funeral is today and I feel much better quipped to deal with it now!

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hey Ollie, how did it go? Hope you're OK x

[Ollie46]

Hi GBG, it was very sad but in a really nice way, things like this are a big affair for me because I have a massive family who live in all corners of the world. It’s been a really nice day remembering my Grandma, it’s been quite difficult OCD-wise for me. I’m kind of telling myself that this is to be expected and not worry about it too much, all things considered I’ve done pretty well but I was slipping a little bit earlier.

Even so, I’m trying to just accept that things are what they are and that this is always going to be the case with OCD. The thoughts are there and they are hard to put up with but the best I can do for now is make them background noise. It’s been nice seeing everybody

[gingerbreadgirl]

On 02/10/2018 at 20:18, Ollie46 said:

Hi GBG, it was very sad but in a really nice way, things like this are a big affair for me because I have a massive family who live in all corners of the world. It’s been a really nice day remembering my Grandma, it’s been quite difficult OCD-wise for me. I’m kind of telling myself that this is to be expected and not worry about it too much, all things considered I’ve done pretty well but I was slipping a little bit earlier.

Even so, I’m trying to just accept that things are what they are and that this is always going to be the case with OCD. The thoughts are there and they are hard to put up with but the best I can do for now is make them background noise. It’s been nice seeing everybody

I'm glad to hear the day went well  - funerals are always incredibly sad but it's nice when they are also a celebration of the life of someone you cared about, and it sounds like this was.

Keep being patient with yourself with the OCD thoughts - they won't go away over night but they will eventually if you starve them of attention.  Hang in there

GBG x